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Reviews from
The Piper


Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "The Piper, part 35"

Young Adult Fantasy

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 4 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
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  Rank:  1
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Review Stars
  Rank:  110
 

#1 Ranked Author!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there,

Another very good, entertaining and clean write. I think the dialogue between Redd-Leif and Piper is very good here and showing the former's thoughts and wishes comes across very well indeed.

very nice
G


 Comment Written 09-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 09-Apr-2020
    Hi G,
    It's so nice to hear from you. I appreciate the encouraging comments and so glad to hear you liked it.
    Debi
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
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  Rank:  10
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  15
 

#10 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Debi,

This chapter was REALLY well written. SO well-done. I don't like fantasy -my poor little left-brain just can't go that far most of the time. *smile* But I was able to jump in here and enjoy it all. I understood most of what was going on and I really liked your characters. They were relatable and real and sympathetic.

Great job!


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
    Hi Robyn,
    Wow, thank you for the six stars and the really encouraging comments. You made my day!
    Debi
Comment by
Bill Pinder
 
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I enjoyed reading this new chapter in your book about the adventures of the young boy dealing with the elves and other creatures in that realm. You do a great job expressing the unique personalities and qualities of each character. Bill


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
    Hi Bill,
    Thank you for the encouraging comments. I appreciate the comments about the characters.
    Debi
Comment by
Writingfundimension
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi, Debi
You build suspense and intrigue so well! And even when the 'truth' is being revealed, when it involves an elemental, given our second-hand knowledge of them, the reader wonders how much can really be believed. Naturally, then, one wants to keep on reading.

Intriguing here: ...'I've had several human friends. It can be risky, especially if you travel between realms, but it also can create a special bond...' Count me in for that!

Awesome chapter, my friend.

xx Bev


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
    Hi Bev,
    It's always a delight to hear from you.
    Thank you for the super six star rating. I appreciate the encouraging comments. I'm glad you're up to becoming a friend to elementals and all the challenges.
    Thanks for a great review.
    Debi

reply by Writingfundimension on 11-Apr-2020
    You're welcome, my friend. Well-deserved.

    Bev
Comment by
Benny Beeharry
 
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Excellent
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There are two instances here which seem to change the story, one is Pipers asking the wolf if she was going to eat him And she licked her fangs. What a beautiful addition. Very uplifting.
The other
Is Pipers discovering who is his father. He still not sure she'd to the fact that his father is elemental.
Well great and tight piece of writing and keeps the readers attention too. As always I love it.
Benny Beeharry


 Comment Written 08-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 08-Apr-2020
    Hi Benny Beeharry,
    Thank you for the encouraging comments, and for mentioning the specific parts you found interesting. I appreciate you following the story.
    Debi
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
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  Rank:  43
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
-Another excellent chapter, Debi.
-It is great to see Rupert and Piper together.
-I enjoyed them sharing their experiences about Sheba.
-It was also nice that they still connected with one another.
-High Mage is a good role model for them, too.
-Redd-Leif is still a mystery to me.
-First, he shows up at the home of High Mage,
and announces he would like a private talk with Piper.
-It's also interesting that you show some of his thoughts,
especially that he wishes Piper would call him father.
-I think Piper is a cautious sort, and is not going
to rush into something unless he's sure.
-I'm also not sure he has warmed up to Summerstorm yet,
either, and I can't blame him because of all the mystery
and all the experiences he's been through.
-At least Summerstorm's advice makes sense
that he should follow his heart and do what
he thinks is best, but when he mentions
Moonbow Meadow, he mentions being well known
and that many people are curious about Piper.
-Now that I think about it, he has cautioned
Piper on two counts; this event and Rupert.
-No wonder he wants to take his time, and
I think it is reinforced by Summerstorm's final thought.
-You always give good things to think about, and
that is one of the many things I enjoy about this story.








 Comment Written 07-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
    Hi Pam,
    Thank you for the shiny stars and your very detailed review and analysis. It really helps to know what reaction the reader is having to the characters and their experiences.
    Debi

reply by Pam (respa) on 07-Apr-2020
    You are very welcome and deserving, Debi. Your story brings a lot out in me even though Redd-Leif drives me crazy sometimes, ha, ha.
Comment by
BeasPeas
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi debi. Piper seems to be growing up fast, faster than he may want. He just turned 15, tough for any kid, but he's learning a lot about his ancestry. If he's overwhelmed he handles it well. Your work is written clearly. Dialogue is natural and has good pace. Marilyn


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
    Hi Marilyn,
    I appreciate the analysis, especially of Piper and how he is handling things. It helps to know who the story is coming across.
    Debi
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  61
 

#6 Ranked Author
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Piper swallowed. "What does he know about me?"

"I see." Piper pursed his lips.

Piper fidgeted.

Your choice of verbs is superb. They capture the inner conflict going on in Piper's mind.
Excellent writing.


 Comment Written 06-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
    Hi Shari,
    Thank you for the shiny six stars. Thank you for the comments about the verbs. Sometimes I wonder if they are effective and it is good to get the affirmation from a talented writer such as you.
    Debi
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  5 (+3)
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  Rank:  2
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Author

#5 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I liked how you expressed this tender talk between father and son. I like the little ways of showing us the emotional reactions like the pursing of lips, smirk and facial expression. I also like how controlled Redd-Leif is and doesn't overwhelm Piper with demands to be treated like a father and leaves it to Piper to decide what he choose to tell Rupert.

Typos:
"Then he buckeld on his" (buckled)
" raised his had to knock" (hand?)


 Comment Written 05-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
    Thank you for the shiny six stars. I appreciate the analysis of the writing, especially the emotion reactions of the characters. It helps to know what works. Thank you!
    Debi
Comment by
CrystieCookie999
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Very nice reading over-all. It seems that Piper is going to go through a period of seeing how friends react to him, or at least what Rupert's reaction will be. So far, so good!
I noticed a few run-on sentences, but nothing difficult other than a comma. Here's one:
I asked if she was going to eat me and she snapped her jaws and licked her lips
I would put a comma after going to eat me
And another:
Rupert has musical lessons with Master Crescendo each day so it should seem natural to him that you are doing the same."
I would put a comma after each day, since this is a long sentence with two independent thoughts here.



 Comment Written 05-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 07-Apr-2020
    Wow, thank you so much for the six star rating and the wonderful comments.
    I appreciate the help with commas. It is always a challenge for me.
    Debi
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