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Reviews from
Visitor


She comes and goes

  3 total reviews 
Comment by
Teri7
Premier Author
Teresa Shortess
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  20
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  16
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  28
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very interesting and well written sonnet you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and very interesting imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri


 Comment Written 21-May-2020



reply by the author on 22-May-2020
    Thank you, Teri, for your encouraging review and good wishes.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  30
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a superb poem in terms of literary devices and theme. Your rhyme scheme works, but your metre is not the required iambic pentameter for the sonnet contest.

I hope you don't mind that I have reworked your first stanza using your works to write in iambic metre.

A being hard to trace, a secret kept,
she waylays me at night in depth of dreams.
Inspiring and beguiling she's adept,
preferring me relaxed, or so it seems.

Anyway that is iambic pentametre and if you go through the rest of your sonnet you will have a fine entry into the contest.

Excellent poem, and many thanks for sharing. :)

Gloria


 Comment Written 21-May-2020



reply by the author on 21-May-2020
    It was with some trepidation that I attempted a sonnet. I battled with the iambic pentameter and so appreciate your help. I feel I am cheating a bit to use your corrected first stanza. However, I shall proceed to try and do the same in the other stanzas, if I haven?t succumbed to sleep. I nominate you as my new muse!

reply by Gloria .... on 21-May-2020
    You can change it a little to make it entirely yours. Although it really was
    yours anyway because I used your word choices, not my own. Keep going you will get it. :))
Comment by
Amanda Louise Davis
 
Review Stars
 
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I liked this poem, but line 13 has the wrong syllable count for a sonnet. In line 9, there is a misplaced W at the beginning. I do like the tone of the poem very much.


 Comment Written 21-May-2020



reply by the author on 21-May-2020
    Thank you so much for your meaningful review. I have deleted that truant ?w? and remedied that syllable count in line13.
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