Hard-Boiled Times
layiing it straight
Pays: 10 points.
82 member cents
Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

My Faith
Deadline: Oct 30th

Halloween Flash Fiction
Deadline: Oct 31st

Halloween Poetry
Deadline: Oct 31st

Haiku
Deadline: Nov 2nd


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
I Am, I Said


a Story of Lyrics contest entry

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
Lulube
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  272
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  217 (+6)
Review Stars
  Rank:  315
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You have me still laughin while I'm trying to get my mind focusing on thinking before I have to retype all these wrong spelt words thus far, I mean they are such difficult words to get right. shit lol.;
So Paisano, la famiglia, I'm Caviglia, and you rocked the crack of dawn for me. You are something else. Turn that camero west then due north, follow the border to the last crossover into BC. lol I haven't run into your type of humor for a long time, great medicine and great pizza here, right in my kitchen. I buy them and rebuild them, better than you can order. make a mean spaghetti too. Not coming onto you or anything cause I'm getting too old now to even think about being close enough to someone to feel any body heat, you know what I mean? but I'm not dead yet and I love a good laugh and someone quick witted to throw my wit at and voila, holding stomach from laughter cramps. You seem to share my grey cloud at times when Murphy's around. Well you have a new fan today and if you'd like to check me out, you can't, cause I was just informed from friend here, that went to read some of my other work and my entire 7 years in my portfolio is gone. Ya, that's right. I may need my fellow Italiano's in the near future. you know what |I mean? lol
glad to have met you, definitely won me over

lulube oh good luck in the contest


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    You just let me know if you want me to go "have a talk" with the guy who erased your portfolio - maybe me and my friend Paulie can point out the error of his ways to him.

    Also, thanks so much for this wonderful and uplifting review - made my day.

reply by Lulube on 24-Aug-2020
    and that's the way it should be, you make my day great and I'll make yours great!! and I still don't know who you are. lol

    lulube
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  15 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  13
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Mark,

What even IS that song? You know, I sang along every time it came on the radio, but this is the first time I've ever looked at the lyrics. My stars. Good drugs, I think.

Very cool story. I am impressed. (But not tooooo impressed - I mean, you lost the ability to startle me a long time ago - you're such a hero, right? I mean, once you know Superman can fly, what's new?)

Notes:
1.) except for the names and a few other changes If you talk about me,
--> I'm not sure I understood this sentence - but that 'If' is an issue (capped)

2.) "I am(,)" I said.

3.) "Holy crap!", I sez out loud. I was figurin' it was gonna cost twenty,
--> you goof - lose the comma after the exclamation mark

4.) but I left twenty on the nightstand so dat yer mudder could have cab fare home when she left my place dis morning(.)"
--> I love you!

5.) Brooklyn beat-down on some California snob-types, capisce?"
--> um no -- he said: 'ca-peesh'?
--> or at least written out

6.) "I am(,)" I said.

Such a fun story. I hope it did/does well in the voting! Good luck!






 Comment Written 10-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 11-Aug-2020
    Thanks so much for dropping by to check out the portfolio n- and of course for the thorough review. One of these days: I will, learn? how to use// puctuation.
Comment by
Mary Furlong
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  124
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  55
Review Stars
  Rank:  124
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Youse is a regular Damon Runyon. Like I was sayin' to Looey, the Lip, who thinks he's da big I am, "Looey," I says, "Dis guy is a real diamond In da rough, if ya know what I'm sayin." So Looey says, "Never hoid of him." And I says, "Me neither. I'm just sayin." So anyways, good luck wit da contest.


 Comment Written 24-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 25-Jul-2020
    I don't know - it's never a good sign when the reviews you get are better written than the actual post.

    Love the review - makes we want to go back to the post and "Brooklyn it up" a little more. Thanks for the stars and the Runyon-esque review!

reply by Mary Furlong on 25-Jul-2020
Comment by
Beverly A McBride
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  295
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  81
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I enjoyed the tie in with the song throughout. I liked the efforts at phonetic accents for Brooklyn. One you said "wit" I wondered if "wid" might be the choice. It's a kind of long stretch that the opposing lawyer would be Connie, eh? I kinda thought moving back east was better for him, too. Nice story. Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
    Thanks Beverly. I'm not very experienced in writing dialect, so I appreciate the vote of confidence as well as the suggestion on substituting wid for wit (you're right that sounds more authentic. I tried to imagine Sheldon Leonard.
Comment by
Michael Ludwinder
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  61
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a creative post. You do a great job of summarizing your message in a well written and impactful essay. Very creative and well written. Keep them coming!


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
    Thanks Michael, I'm not very good at writing in a dialect, but it was fun to try.
Comment by
amada
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  113
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  89
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  33
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I like a lot the extense reportoir of your mind. You brought into the scene frogs, princes, and principles, and by doing so you proved your point very well. I like songs as well, many times, I feel they can tell my story better than I do...


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
    Thanks. The lyrics to this song are kind of "out there" so they made for a good frame onto which to base a story.
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  170
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  Rank:  6
 

#2 Ranked Author

#5 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is hilarious! If this doesn't win I'll be PISSED. Such wry humor--chock full of snark. The snide interchange with the snooty clerk is priceless. Cheers. LIZ


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
    Thanks so much for the review and the vote of confidence. It may well win the contest, if for no other reason than it is the only entry so far.

reply by Elizabeth Emerald on 20-Jul-2020
    That's how I "win" my age division in races!
  -1-   Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Football Chapter 3 part 2
A mother faces life's struggles.


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy