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Cruisus Interruptus

An all-dialogue debacle.

31 total reviews

Comment by

dragonpoet

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Rank: 112

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Rank: 51

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Lee,
This shows what stupidity can do. It also shows the difference between optimism and pessimism. The dialogue describes the setting provides strong character development too.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan

Comment Written 11-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020

Thank you, Joan. I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

reply by dragonpoet on 16-Aug-2020

My pleasure, Lee.
Joan

Comment by

N.K. Wagner

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Rank: 577

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

A funny conversation in a not so funny situation. Ike and Lenny are a prime example of why one sticks to sandwiches out on the briny deep. Preferably pb&j. Hope there's no soup in their immediate future. :) Nancy

Comment Written 09-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020

Thank you, Nancy. Regretfully, I except soup is their next course. All for flaming bananas. Go figure. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

Comment by

eliz100

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Exceptional

Wonderful! You used every name connected with the sea in this piece. You met the requirement for dialogue only. It was a very enjoyable, funny read.
The title fits the story.

Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks for the glowing review, eliz100. I'm so glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Father Flaps

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Rank: 95

Exceptional

Hi Lee,
What a position to be in, adrift in a rubber dingy in the Pacific Ocean. I'd be scared stiff, waiting for that first shark fin to show up.
I love all the names Lenny calls his "flamin' freakin' bananas" shipmate. He's so pissed off, I think it's his way of punching Ike in the nose...
Don Ho/ Cap'n Crunch, Gilligan/ Aquaman/ Magellan/ Mr. Crusoe/ Popeye/ Sinbad ... and all the while, Ike's optimism rocks against Lenny's pessimism, like the raft rocking against those Pacific waves.

I noticed these lines, Lee.
"What, you think we're gonna come to a Howard Johnson's? Lenny, the only place we're goin' is up the creek." ... isn't it Lenny who is saying this? I'm thinking it should be: "Ike, the only place we're goin' is up the creek."

"What ship would that be? The Good Ship Lollipop?" ... So many sarcastic quips by overwhelmed Lenny, but I giggled when I read this one. The song immediately started playing in my head.
These similes too,
"...like a grape on the floor of the produce aisle."
"Like the eagle-eyes on the Titanic saw that itty-bitty iceberg."

You set up the perfect scene for "Dialogue Only", Lee. Terrific entry for the contest! Good Luck! I won't be at all surprised if you win. I really enjoyed the story.
Cheers,
Kimbob

Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks for the glowing review, Kimbob. You're right, I did mix up my character names--thanks for the heads up. I've had Good Ship Lollipop running through my head ever since I wrote that sentence. Help!
Thank you again. Most appreciated. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Elizabeth Emerald

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Rank: 4

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Excellent

So clever--snarky banter never sags--one-of-a-kind LEEwords. brilliant wit--cheez doodle lifeboat--bobbing boobs--squashed grape in produce aisle--vivid images! Cheers. LIZ

Congrats on your prize!

Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thank you, Elizabeth. Every conversation I write seems to come out snarky. I think I watched too many All in the Family reruns. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Eternal Muse

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Exceptional

Oh, this was a brilliant dialogue, I enjoyed it very much. And your Caribbean picture is so delicious (lol). I love the humor, the wit, the imagery and visuals. I feel like I myself was on a journey to the exciting destinations in the sun.

This should do very well in the contest, good luck in the booths.

Comment Written 06-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks for the ever-glowing review, Eternal Muse. I'm so glad you enjoyed the humor. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Jeff Watkins

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Rank: 74

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Exceptional

If I had read this before writing my entry, I wouldn't have bothered writing mine. I could never get the voices distinctly different. The competing perspectives of the two characters is key here, and perhaps I should have emphasized that strategy in my entry. Quite humorous and skillful, dammit.

Comment Written 05-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thanks so much for the glowing review, Jeff. I don't think I've read your entry, but I will shortly. Differentiating between the speakers is the key to all-dialogue. Sometimes, I give one speaker a unique accent. A cheesy tactic, but it works. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

Comment by

irishauthorme

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Exceptional

Hey, I had a good laugh all the way through this! Real characters, and neat how you never had to name Dummy, except for all the monikers, of course. Marvelous that Lenny took Dum-Dum fishing with him, and that they were that far out, and (Har) a flaming banana sank a large craft.
Hope Popeye can row faster than the Pacific Island Aborigine's.
Neat.
irish

Comment Written 04-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Hey, Irish. Thanks so much for the glowing review. The moral is: Never flambe a banana unless you're packing an Evinrude. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Earl Corp

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Excellent

This was hilarious! The proverbial glass full, glass half empty scenario. I liked the way you kept throwing in pop culture references in the dialogue. Good luck in the contest.

Comment Written 04-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 09-Aug-2020

Thank you, Earl. Glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee

Comment by

Suzanna Ray

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Excellent

Dear Humpwhisle, I think this entry is going to be in the winner's circle for sure, you have two protagonist, one an optimist, the other at the end of the spectrum who rags on the optimist until they unite to escape from a bunch of cannibals. And a final cliff hanger, will they get away? To what other fate? I am in suspenders!

Comment Written 03-Aug-2020

reply by the author on 07-Aug-2020

Thank you, Suzanna Ray. Alas, I think our two boys are still paddling their hearts out somewhere in the Pacific. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

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