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When we are apart


Togetherness becomes cozy until you are not together

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
Ayan3
 
 
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That was an amazing poem and I hope you can write more stories and I also could not stop reading it and I hope you get the recognition you need for this poem.

Sincerely, Ayan


 Comment Written 25-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
    Ayan, thank you so much! I appreciate your validating my work.
Comment by
lyenochka
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  2
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 Rank:  2
 

#3 Ranked Author
#2 Ranked Novelist

#3 Ranked Poet
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Well, you show us one good way to deal with it is to write a poem! I think regular contact through texts and calls would help. I know it's hard when couples are so close and spend all waking and sleeping hours together to be suddenly faced with a separation. Keep connected in praying for each other and hope you get reunited soon!


 Comment Written 25-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 26-Aug-2020
    Good advice, thanks!
Comment by
Jg
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  453
 
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I love this poem . More so because it kind of explains how longing can lead a person off . Captures the idea of loss very well and this is done clearly . Good job , great poem .


 Comment Written 25-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
    Jg, thank you for your reading and reviewing my poem!

reply by Jg on 25-Aug-2020
    Very welcome

reply by Jg on 26-Aug-2020
    Welcome
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  18
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#4 Ranked Poet
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You did a good job with your poem showing the longing one feels when their significant other is gone for any length of time. I could see everything your mentioned and feel the tension and longing to be together again. Your words/lines flow well with good imagery and great rhymes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
    Jan, as always, thank you for the validation of my poem.
Comment by
Markie Doczi
 
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First, the positive! I thought you had a nice strong start to this poem; and the fifth stanza had a bouncing rhythm.
On the negative, I did struggle a bit with the rhyming meter (as a whole). Sometimes commas throw me off, but that could just be me!


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
    Marki, thank you for the feedback, it is valued!
Comment by
royowen
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Driving misery, when someone depends on one person for existence in obsessive sense, but love is like that, possession. Even God talks of being a jealous, but He does keep a "loose" leaving coming and going in our hands. Beautifully written Jim, sensitive well done, blessings Roy


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
    Roy, blessings back to you, thanks!
Comment by
lennis
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Oh so very sweet that you feel this way when your other is gone! I'd like to think my husband feels the same on those rare occasions I have to leave. I can feel the anxiety, the boredom, the longing for her return in your poem. You've described these emotions well. Nicely done!


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Thanks for reading and commenting on my work.
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  100
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 Rank:  4
 

#7 Ranked Poet
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A very well-written heartfelt poem about a partner who goes away for a week make us realize this much they mean to USC and we often take them for granted we hen they are around.


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Sandra, thanks, it it s true test on becoming complacent in a relationship.
Comment by
duchessofdrumborg
An iron fist in a velvet glove
Sharpen your quill every day!
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  84
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  Rank:  65
 
Excellent
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"When we are apart", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. Penned with craft and skill, this talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.


 Comment Written 24-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Smiling back, I hope your week is wonderful.

reply by duchessofdrumborg on 25-Aug-2020
    I'm smiling back too. I hope you have a wonderful week end too.
    God bless, take care and keep sharing!
    the Duchess
Comment by
Lisa Wharton
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  161
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  26
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  Rank:  60
 
Excellent
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This poem is so sad. I can feel you. I haven't lived alone for a long time but can't imagine how lonely it could be. I suggest you should go out and visit someone, too.

Well done.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    lisa, thanks, it it s true test on becoming complacent in a relationship, I am grateful this is a poetic work of fiction.
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