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Reviews from
When we are apart


Togetherness becomes cozy until you are not together

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
equestrik
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  Rank:  12
 
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This is a cleverly put together poem with a bit of humor thrown in with the lonely and in the end-tit for tat! I enjoyed it and hope you enjoy your up coming week away! :)


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Equestrik, thank you for your time and comments.
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
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This is a very difficult position to find oneself in. Someone leaves, says they will be back in a week. We wait and wait only to be informed that their arrival is postponed another week!


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Rebecca, life does throw us curve balls that create indeterminate periods of separation. I think particular of the "sandwich generation" who have young families and aging parents.

reply by thaities, Rebecca V. on 24-Aug-2020
    I think of these also!
Comment by
joycetreasures
Author, Artist, Screenwriter, Sculptor, Numismatist,
Jesus I Don't Understand
 
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  Rank:  50
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  Rank:  80
 
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Hello JLR,
I enjoyed your poem from beginning to the end. However, a week is not long to wait and be sure the love is gone. I truly hope this is a fictional poem. Sometimes, being away make the heart grow even fonder. I like your rhyming within each stanza. The flow of your stanzas were nicely done. Well done. Yes, fair game happens, but only a week!!! Happy future writing:-)


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
    Joyce, I trust this day finds to well and enjoying your time to the fullest. I am so grateful in my life that is simply a work of fictional poetic story line.

reply by joycetreasures on 24-Aug-2020
    Well done. You are welcome.
Comment by
Boogienights
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  Rank:  28
 

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Such a sad tone to this verse, yet there is still hope at the end. Of course, you can do as he did, but it's best to make sure their was mischief afoot. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Boogienights, for my fortunes sake this all a fictional poetic narrative, I am blest with a very special soulmate of thirty- seven years and counting! Have an awesome week!

reply by Boogienights on 23-Aug-2020

reply by Boogienights on 23-Aug-2020
    I've had mine for 40 years. Congrats to both of us.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
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Dear JLR, be optimistic, think of dead zones for cell phones.

As for the merits of this poem, If you really want the sympathy of your FanStory friends, just remember that most of them are grand parents and vision is always an issue. Not only the font size, but the cursive font where the letters all tangle together for elderly eyes is a hurdle for more than me!
I have learned that a pastel background also helps vision and can add to the mood of your poem.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Suzanna you are the first in our a year to let me know this, I have have taken appropriate action to change this and your advice is sound thank you! ps this poem is all fictional narrative, thank goodness!
Comment by
elchupakabra
 
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At first, you said,
"it will be only a week",
I'll be with my sister,
sure, I will miss you, mister!"

Triple quotation is off putting but otherwise the piece is well done. Great work, thanks for sharing. Later daze.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Man I tell you what I need you as my personal editor, you have a gift my friend! thanks so much!
Comment by
RShipp
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Oh, my. I do not think this is going to bode well for this relationship.

It could be an honest need to be at another place. I think I might have given it another week before 'setting off' to 'explore options'?

Enjoyed!


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    That would be the most logical course of action, thankfully this is all fiction, whew!
Comment by
Mastery
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Semper Fi
 
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Hi, jim. I really know what this poem is saying. Been there, done that as they say. That old saying, "You never know what you've got until it's gone" applies for sure.

You constructed excellent rundown on a guy's feelings in this one. Good job. :) Bob


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Bob, it seems us guys have to deal with separation in a totally different way than women.

reply by Mastery on 23-Aug-2020
    For sure, Jim. Bob
Comment by
Raffaelina Lowcock
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We all know what that feels like, I'm sure. Lost! When we are so used to an appendage beside us, day and night, we fail to function on our own. Best to always have "a diversion of your own
that fills the time alone."
You make a very good point in this well-written poem.

Ralf


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    so very true, so often ill prepared when the time comes.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
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  Rank:  23
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  Rank:  10
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  Rank:  9
 

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This poem, When We are Apart, tells a story of a two peas from the pod being separated by circumstances which test the capacity of two so entangled to live alone. Another seven days?!


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Hi Bill, its like losing an arm for a a week of two.
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