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When we are apart


Togetherness becomes cozy until you are not together

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
Mary Hollingsworth
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well JLR there is an old saying that absence makes the hear grow fonder.
Now I ask you is that true. I see you're counting seconds, something is going on in the missing department. I loved reading your piece, it was a good read. Now there is a question I have about the last line. Is that suppose to say "for me to do the same!" I didn't get it.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Mary OMG, yes, I am so grateful you caught that silly spag. Thank you so much for your attention and this treasured six-star review.
Comment by
ESOSTINE
Premier Author
 
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Author Rating For Short Works
 
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  Rank:  132
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Well written and well paced piece. I enjoyed the flow and the picture of a feeling of expectation expressed therein. Hopefully you will be with him again and sooner. Could you check the last line; seems something is missing there as a typo error! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Yes, yes thanks for catching that silly spag...ugh!
Comment by
AnnieDawn
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  58 (+8)
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  Rank:  38
 
Excellent
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This is a very unique way of writing a free form poem. I enjoyed it and could follow the content through which most of the free form poems leave me hanging. Thank you for sharing, and I hope this is fiction and not based on a true event. If it is it comes from the heart. Good job.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Annie, most gratefully yes this is all fiction. Whew!
Comment by
Eternal Muse
Level 1 Pro
 
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  Rank:  48
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You bring out well how difficult it is to be away from the beloved. I liked your descriptive imagery, your visuals, the passion of these lines:

Day one, came and gone
Day two, I started thinking wrong,
Day three, I was awake before the predawn
Day four, midnight hour and I yawn,
Day five, by midday I felt withdrawn.

Especially impressive is counting seconds that are in a week that you were apart:

But, it's been a week today...
604,800 seconds, what a shame.

Very well done.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Eternal Muse, I delight that these stanza's worked for you. Thank you for your time spent to read and comment on my work.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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 Rank:  18
 
Excellent
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One who is always with you or near you, it becomes hard to pass a moment in his or her absence, so togetherness is living alive; well said, well done, thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Thank you and good day to you!
Comment by
kiwisteveh
Level 1 Pro
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  Rank:  218
 
Excellent
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A touching poem about how you miss your mate. The emotions and the sense of impatience come through strongly, as does the shock at the news she will be away for another week!

Time to start counting down those seconds all over again.

Steve


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Steve, thanks fro taking the time to read and comment on this peom.
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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  Rank:  1 (+1)
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 Rank:  3
 

#1 Ranked Poet!
#3 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It is difficult dealing with the absence of someone who is constantly there with us and the heart bleeds when they leave and you opened your heart here to us and we felt those feelings of sorrow and yearning, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 23-Aug-2020


reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
    Thank you, Dolly! Lifelong unions do create a rhythm that is disrupted when a partner is required to be away.
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