Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

20 Word Poem
Deadline: Today!

Rhyming Poem
Deadline: In 6 Days

Loop Poetry Contest
Deadline: Oct 25th

My Faith
Deadline: Oct 30th

Halloween Flash Fiction
Deadline: Oct 31st


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
The Twenty-One-Gun Salute


A mother's work was all for naught.

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Ric Myworld
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  38 (+1)
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  63
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
LOL. Now what a great way to start off my day, smiling and remembering back to that young boy who was always getting his mouth washed out with soap . . . must say, I come to like the taste of it. Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 26-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
    Thanks for the kind words and five stars. I am waiting for one of your salty posts as I enjoy them so much. Have not seen one lately.

reply by Ric Myworld on 26-Sep-2020
    I enjoy your writing. You have an honesty about your work that I was once told is the key to good writing. I'm glad my stories aren't too far out there for you. LOL. I don't post often, especially now, since most of my regular readers have left or passed on. Have a wonderful weekend!
Comment by
sandragee
Premier Author
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I guess Connor's mother is going to have to work harder at cleaning up her son's vocabulary. You wrote 'Guns fired blanks into the sky. Startled, the widow stumbled.' Maybe Connor could be forgiven for his excited utterance. He did 'think' the jackasses shot his grandma. Your story put a smile on my face. Thank you.


 Comment Written 26-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your kind words and five stars. Much appreciated.
Comment by
Dick Waters
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  338
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  114 (+3)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  40
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It is very nice to have a smile to greet the day. You put one on my face, as I didn't expect that outburst.
I've been to Arlington, and seen two honor ceremonies. It's not the gun salute that brings tears...the sound of taps being played does it. It's tough to lose a family member, and it's tough to realize there aren't endless days ahead.
Make the most of it, and keep posting these things that make us appreciate what we have, and smiles come along for the ride too.
Thanks Judy,
Dick


 Comment Written 24-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
    I have attended more than my share of these ceremonies. My most recent was for my brother last Veteran's day. You are right, the Taps are really sad. Glad you enjoyed my attempt to instill a little laughter into these solemn events.
Comment by
Jerome Goldberg
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  333
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  156 (+1)
Review Stars
  Rank:  222
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Roof - This is a great micro-story. You packed a whole story into eighty words and set up a wonderful surprise ending. Well Done! - Stay well - Jerry


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your kind words and six stars. Made my day.
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  11
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  11
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  9
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This eighty-word flash fiction story, The Twenty-one Gun Salute, has the required word count and sets up the graveside ceremony scene and funny conclusion.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your kind words and five stars. Much appreciated.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  61
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  228
Review Stars
  Rank:  33
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Dear roof, no matter what the judges think, I give this post ten stars for humor.
My only question now, is, Who were the jackasses that shot grandma? You had best be prepared to give an answer, even if this post is only fiction.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Well, no one shot Grandma. Connor just thought the military men doing the salute did. At six, he did not realize they shot blanks up into the sky. Thanks for your five stars. Much appreciated.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 23-Sep-2020
    Boy did I miss the drift on these doings!

reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Might mean my writing was not clear enough. I did edit it once. Not sure if your review is before after the slight edit.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 23-Sep-2020
    I reviewed BEFORE you added the part about the Vets firing Blanks into the sky?That was why I asked the question in my review above.

reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Yes, I added the word, "blanks" and I think that clears it up. I thank you and another for questioning me. It made me realize I had to edit a bit to get the story across. I knew what I wanted to say but did not say it well.
Comment by
2017 Poet of the Year
Barb Hensongispsaca
Barb Henson
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  8
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  147
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  29
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  73
 

#8 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Had to give it a six, amazing piece with the twist at the end that most parents regret in one time or another in different circumstances. I truly loved this and it should be a winner.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your kind words and six stars. This is special coming from someone with your talent.
Comment by
Mastery
Published Author
Semper Fi
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  9
Review Stars
  Rank:  42
 

#9 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent use of the eighty word story telling here, Judy. A clever little tale, even if it is a bit of a stretch, I mean you would think somebody would see the guy aiming in the wrong direction, wouldn't you ?

Good job, my friend Bob


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    The grandmother was not shot. I did not do a good job of being clear in this tale. The shots are blanks and fired high into the sky. Connor just thought they hit his grandmother. I guess you are allowed to edit entries before the deadline so I think I will edit. Thanks for your five stars and for making me realize this was not clearly written. I am still learning to think how a reader would interpret my writing.

reply by Mastery on 23-Sep-2020
    Hi, Judy. Yes, I would definitely edit this piece were I you. LOL still very good. (Many people don't realize blanks are used for these things also.

reply by Mastery on 23-Sep-2020
    Hi, Judy. Yes, I would definitely edit this piece were I you. LOL still very good. (Many people don't realize blanks are used for these things also.

reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    I have edited it. I think it is much better and clearer. Thanks again for taking the time to comment.

reply by Mastery on 23-Sep-2020
    I think it's better. how about you, Judy? Bob
Comment by
Mary Vigasin
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  134
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
small prose but very good and taking what was expected to be a solemn moment and giving a funny ending. It also does make the six year old world and person real to your reader.

Good luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your kind comments and five stars. 80 words makes it tough.
Comment by
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Script Rating
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  3
 

#3 Ranked Author

#2 Ranked Novelist

#4 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Script Writer

#3 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
That's quite a story. So the grandmother was shot by the twenty-one-gun salute? I thought they just used blanks. And Connor's response came from his video games, I guess. I don't know what "jerked a dismissal thumb" looks like.
I think I would reduce some of the background info in this 80 word story. We don't need to know much about the summer and the cousins' names. Just that mom was trying to correct the language from video gaming (maybe include the "jackass" there?) and then go right into ceremony. These flash items are so hard. I usually write and re-write in a sandbox and keep whittling...
Otherwise, the story is startling and unique!


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    Thanks for your suggestions and five stars. Much appreciated. After thinking about this review, I realize I must not have written clearly. They do fire blanks in the sky but a six year old doesn't realize they are blanks or nowhere near his grandmother. She did not get shot. The story was supposed to be about Connor picking up bad language from the older cousins when in competition on video games. His mother thought she had it corrected, but he proved her wrong and at a very bad time. Gosh, I sure screwed this one up.
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
A Vampire's Proposal
Love transcends death


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy