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Reviews from
No more to the Lake


weekend at the Lake house

  9 total reviews 
Comment by
Cindy Decker
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  41 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  68
Review Stars
  Rank:  37
 
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Mary,
A very humorous account of a pathetic vacation in what sounds like a shed! Your description and plot were excellent; your story about sheer drudgery, moved along at a very nice pace. Excellent work!
Good luck in all your writing adventures.
Cindy


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and comments
Comment by
2019 Script Writer of the Year
Bill Schott
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  11
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  11
Script Rating
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  8
 

#3 Ranked Script Writer
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Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This story, No More to the Lake, is a funny scene of roughing it thrust upon one. The slow death of anticipation as it reality rots away all positivity. It is easy for the reader to see how one idea devolves to this sad estate. Glad you survived and, hopefully, got away with drowning your brother-in-law.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and comments.
    My husband thinks my brother in law relished the idea of shutting off the generator!
Comment by
Ben Colder
CHARLES EZELL
SHERIDAN
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  286
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  108
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  6
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  57
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Not much fun if you ask me. I gave my daughter our place near the lake when the wife passed away. They have done great changing things. Perhaps you should do the same.
Thanks for sharing.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    Thank You Ben for the review and comments. FYI, My brother-in-law loved the rustic life. He turned it over to his sons.
Comment by
teols2016
Premier Author
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Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  140
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  50
Review Stars
  Rank:  164
 
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Isn't life funny? You never know what you'll get.

I'd like to have gotten your husband's name, since everyone else was named. It doesn't have to be his real name.

Nice punchline at the end with the vulture. Glad you are still with us.

Well done.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    Thank you for reviewing and comments.
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  15 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  13
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  17
 
Excellent
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Mary,

HAHAHAHAHA! I mean, I'm sorry to laugh at your distress - but this was great. There were several times I smiled BIG --
--> the finger on the trigger
--> the outhouse

It was well written and gave us a pretty good view of your vacation. Can I have the number of the rental agency ? I have some friends I'd like to buy a special trip for. hehehe

Notes:
1.) (I have not registered lately[.])

2.) "What time is it now(?)" I asked my husband, Harvey.
--> btw, you MIGHT consider mentioning earlier on that he was with you

3.) flashlight several more times to look at his watch as I watched the hours tick by.
--> flashlight several more times to look at his watch as the hours ticked by.
--> to avoid 'watch'x2

Thanks for the laugh!



 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    thank you for the review and thoughts
Comment by
equestrik
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  50
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  148
Review Stars
  Rank:  5
 

#5 Ranked Reviewer
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This is creatively written and you have told of a seriously unpleasant experience for you with a fun sense of humor. The shack picture goes well with your write. Good for you!


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment by
L. Kalere
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  298
Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Excellent
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I found this to be very funny and very entertaining. It's a tale well told, with very good descriptions. I especially liked the ending...hilarious. Congratulations


 Comment Written 21-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your kind words and review.
Comment by
Cindy Warren
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  31
Review Stars
  Rank:  128
 
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It sounds awful. Especially the mosquitoes and hornets. I can see why you wouldn't want to go back. Didn't your sister know you wouldn't like it?
'it is only 9:30.' It needs a capital.


 Comment Written 21-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
    thank you for the review and correction. My sister and I are different beings; she would not know my likes or dislikes.
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  7
 

#3 Ranked Poet
Excellent
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Sorry, Mary, but I had to laugh. You described this 'fun; outing so well. I could picture everything and the incredible letdown you had after seeing all the 'wonderful' things you expected. My sister wasn't a camper though her husband was. She just knew Bigfoot would come during the night and . . .well you know. I like you image choice.
Respectfully, Jan

May I suggest:


So, when my sister invited me with her new husband, ( to )Gordon's cabin on the lake in Maine, I jumped at the chance, particularly when she told me we would take a boat to an island.

The location was in the far reaches of Maine, my teeth were rattling,( dlete comman add the word 'and' ) my body bouncing up and down as we drove on an unpaved deeply rutted road behind logging trucks. I kept looking out for the marina hoping that the marina ( it) would be soon within reach.

I kept picturing the boat; probably a 34-footer(,) and I beamed with delight at the thought of spending the weekend riding around the lake.

We parked the car and walked through some tall weeds,( period here) I thought it unusual that a marina would be in such a desolate area, but I was anxious to get on the boat.

The weeds cleared to an exceedingly small dock. It took me a moment to breath( breathe ) at the vision of the boat. What I had expected evaporated at the sight of an exceedingly ( sight of the . . . ) small outboard motorboat. The lightness of the boat made it feel unstable when getting in and out of (it.) the boat.


Our cabin was the only building on ( the desolate island) an exceedingly small island;(add period here) (The)the nearest neighbor was at least a half a mile away on the other side of the lake.

Well, I do not know if I would call it a "cabin."( 'cabin'--calling it . . . ) Calling it a shack would be more fitting. It was small with one bedroom and (a) mattress in a loft above the bedroom.

I do not know if it was foggy haze that obstructed most of the lake view.( view, or . . . ) Or maybe it was the haze I was creating.

There was no TV(,) and the only radio was a hand crank job that would give us sound only (delete only) for an hour before you had to hand crank again.

My husband asked: "it was only nine o'clock(,) why are we in bed? I answered: "Because Gordon shut the generator off."
He would turn on the flashlight to look at his watch.
"( "It )it is only 9:30. I love my fluffy bedroom pillows
(comma before and) and here I had my head resting on a hard-flat pillow, I swear was made of wood.

Where were the melodious bird sounds that poets write about? Harvey said it looked like Blue Jays (blue jays) and crows mostly.

So, I just sat outside, fanning myself with a newspaper and holding on to ( onto) my bug spray. ( no comma needed here)before I could get back to civilization with my A/C, TV and fluffy pillows.

On their return, Harvey pointed out an eagle on a dead tree limb in the distance. "No, it is not an eagle, it is a vulture just hoping that I would stay here just one more day. By then(,) I should be just ripe enough for him."






 Comment Written 21-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 21-Sep-2020
    Thank you very much for the review, but more than that taking the time to review for correctness. It is much appreciated.
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