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Reviews from
Killer Candy


Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Kaskellian Rescue Run"

PI's track maker of candy killing kids

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
AJ McCall
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  Rank:  488
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What? Right after they packed everything? That's a perfect line to entice readers to read the next chapter. The length I see is not a problem for you anymore. :) The story is intriguing; deceased soldiers receiving money, unlisted people not shown??? I like Serria's cousin Mel, and her thought when he answered the phone. Will he rescue Keur and his friends? I hope so. :) I did notice a couple of typos:

However, three thousand names who were not on file as citizens sounds a bit (add,) - I'm pretty sure you meant 'odd.'

They continued talking until (they) finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen.

Going to read the next chapter!





 Comment Written 25-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review, great rating, and catch.

    Karlene

reply by AJ McCall on 26-Sep-2020
    You're welcome!
Comment by
Shirley McLain
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  Rank:  36 (+1)
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  Rank:  135
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent chapter. Full of action and suspense which held my attention from beginning to end. I found no errors. You did an excellent job. Have a great weekend. Shirley


 Comment Written 25-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and great rating.

    Karlene
Comment by
royowen
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#1 Ranked Poet!

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Excellent
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Keur does some hacking finding out the actual number of people receiving a disability pension or not. There are up to 2,000 still receiving a pension even though they are actually deceased. Fishy! He also rescues Aunt Lieu, and the Kaskellian authorities are searching ships. Well done, good episode, blessings Roy.
Typo : Sitting (as) his computer...at?


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 24-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review, great rating, and catch.

    Karlene

reply by royowen on 24-Sep-2020
    Welcome
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
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#10 Ranked Author

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Excellent
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Reading your chapter I just think that your heroes are smuggling to their meetings some food delicacies from other planets, and this on top on their secrete investigation. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and great rating.

    Karlene
Comment by
country ranch writer
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Hope they indeed the perpetrator poising the sweets befor they end up killing more unaware children and many others in there onslaught.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and great rating.

    Karlene

reply by country ranch writer on 24-Sep-2020
    Is iles

reply by country ranch writer on 24-Sep-2020
    Is iles
Comment by
robyn corum
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  Rank:  16
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  Rank:  13
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 Rank:  18
 
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Karlene,

REALLY nice chapter. Even better than usual. Of course, your writing is always good and I am always intrigued by this whole universe you have created - with all the 'extras' and unusual elements you've inserted. Those things make all of this seem more realistic. (And fun!)

I have notes but I'd like to mention the font size, first. Can you increase it? I had to enlarge my screen to help with the reading.

1.) She moved the sweets aside and set it in with them then closed it.
--> WHERE- did she put it??

2.) who were not on file as citizens sounds a bit (o)dd, if not downright illegal.

3.) They continued talking until (they) finished eating and cleaned up the kitchen.

4.) In the biggest spare bedroom, Serria handed Alyci box and box,
-> ?? needs editing

5.) Wouldn't they be wondering what has happened? If there's something harmful involved and what is the reason the ones have to move? By not talking about it, you make it seem less real for me

6.) I really thoughtyou did an excellent job by leaving the reader on a 'cliff-hanger' of sorts. Makes them want to know what happens next and will ensure a return. Kudos!

I enjoyed!



 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review, great rating, and suggestions.

    Karlene
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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 Rank:  11
 
Excellent
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This is a very professionally written mystery and crime science fiction; I like and have enjoyed the read, the taletelling, the plot development, the realistic and contributory dialogues; curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR














 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Thank you for your review and great rating, not to mention the compliment of being professional.

    Karlene
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