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Reviews from
Surprised by a missing friend-


A saga

  2 total reviews 
Comment by
roof35
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  130
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  14
Review Stars
  Rank:  18
 
Excellent
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To be honest, this poem confused me but I do admire your skill for making the words flow. I think the captain turned out to be your lost friend, but in between I am not sure what has happened. For instance, "Me always gets me kid."


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2020
    Hi there, thanks for the kind words and the honest take of being confused by the write. I suppose I'm so close to it that , I might not see the confusion. I might have to try to fix that some.
    The lost friend is the lost child-like joy , and the "intermediate" , the "Cap'n Carpenter" is Jesus , who , when I met up with Him, returned me to that lost joy.

    Hope that helps. Thanks again for your input. blessings
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  13
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  16
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
DJ,

A strange little write that shares the story of one person's thoughts as they try to make sense of what has happened and what may be real and what may be imagined...

I am sure I am not getting the whole story and message beneath it - though I am trying. Perhaps the preceding parts are important to the comprehension?

It just seemed like parts were missing (for me).

Other notes:
1.) But (i)t keeps me rolling with my marbles

2.) on that rolling marble skewed
--> seems like something's missing?
--> on that rolling marble(-)skewed...what?

3.) It's a view of me tying up an angst(-)filled little boy,

4.) Because of this, every/time it rains,
sailor triumphing over life's travailing paces
--> just making sure you intended to use 'travail' = 'painful or laborious effort.'

5.) BTW, a larger font would be sooo nice?

6.) "I AM (C)ap'n (C)arpenter, and Me always gets Me kid"

7.) In (h)opes that He would unite me
--> the caps on the references to this captain make me think he may be a deity? But not all the references ARE capped - which confuses me a bit? See:
--> "Cap'n Carpenter" emblazened on his weathered lid...

8.) "Cap'n Carpenter" (emblazoned) on his weathered lid...

9.) (who) caused me so much despair...
--> 'who' when referring to humans

10.) Then, (f)inally realizing the kinds of tricks

11.) That (i)n effect, was a torturous waterboarding

The lowered rating is for the number of nits - NOT because I didn't understand this piece. I would never rate because of MY stupidity. *smile*

Please let me know if you edit? I will happily hurry back and re-rate.

Thanks and have a marvelous week~ Thanks for sharing!













 Comment Written 23-Sep-2020



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
    Hey Robin, thank you so much for taking the time to review. I fixed most of your noticed red ink. And you're right that the Caps are reference to a deity, so I fixed the inconsistencies ( I think) . The rolling marble skewed is reference to the earth ...living on it, and pretty much the whole of the poem is referencing the missing, child like joy ,
    that only Jesus restored to me.
    If that helps to understand . I'm going to try making a bigger font. I don't notice the smallness of it on my phone. Blessings

reply by robyn corum on 23-Sep-2020
    Thanks so much for the explanations. It helps a lot - And you might consider adding a note at the bottom about the earth=marble?
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