Football Chapter 10 part 1
Gabriel pushes in, again.
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Reviews from
The Fall


Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Of the Reply"

Romance in a world of magic.

  2 total reviews 
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  84
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  8
 

#6 Ranked Novelist

#2 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Poor Valerie treated like garbage by some, and as a precious treasure by others. She is sitting in the middle of all these unfortunate moments trying to survive. And then some flowers restore her hope in humanity. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.


 Comment Written 11-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
    Thank you again for reviewing. I'm glad it came out so well. Valerie's definitely having a rough go of it. I appreciate the feedback.
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
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  Rank:  3 (+2)
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 Rank:  6
 

#3 Ranked Poet
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K,

Very nice writing which made for very enjoyable reading. I don't think I've read any of this storyline before and I'm not sure I caught everything that was going on - all the subtle nuances. But I understood enough, I think.

Some notes:
1.) At his best, he was considerate. At his worst, he left bruises,
--> inconsiderate, perhaps?

2.) "I'm fetching cold," the maid said, pushing the bouquet into her mistress's arms.
--> this caught me off-guard and I didn't understand. I thought you meant the girl had gotten cold. But when she comes back with water - I decided you might have meant she was going after 'cold water' (though to be fair, cold water is not best for flowers. It shocks them. Tepid water is best.)

3.) She caught Valérie's hand and applied the cold (compress) to the fresh bruise on her forearm. "Any more?"

4.) was probably in the direct employ of Thara's family, a retainer (who) had come with her.

5.) Valérie cursed her circumstances for something other than the her hateful affliction for the first time in a long, long while.
--> either 'the' or 'her' but not both

Thanks!





 Comment Written 02-Oct-2020



reply by the author on 03-Oct-2020
    Thanks for reviewing! I?ll do the old find and fix. Sorry about that!

reply by the author on 04-Oct-2020
    Thanks for reviewing! I?ll do the old find and fix. Sorry about that!
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