Status
New Here?
Fast! Three Questions.
Already a member?
Writing Classes
|
0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.
|
|
 |
|
78 total reviews
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
 Rank: 83  (+4) | Author Rating For Short Works
 Rank: 43 | Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
 Rank: 121 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Review Stars
Rank: 439 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 157 (+1) | Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Script Rating
| Review Stars
Rank: 128 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 234 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | May All Beings Be Happy | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Review Stars
Rank: 184 | | | |
|
|
|
|
Life's treasures do not come to us in youth.
This line contains an essay between the words! Eloquently voiced
The imagery and message of the closing couplet (which has a unique and SUPERB rhyme pair and voicing) nudges this to a six in spite of one nit in meter noted below. Also, all the phrasing phonics and fluid flow are top notch. Great rhymes.
The one line I stumble on, rhythmically speaking:
Rather, let us enjoy the time we've got...
Of course, metrical substitution is allowed, but it does not work well here, read aloud. I suggest making that line truly iambic by placing a one syllable word before RATHER and the using a contraction. Example:
But rather, let 's enjoy the time we've got...
I love this stanza's import and voicing:
We learn with age that intimacy's truth.
It's far afield from passion's throes and such.
Life's treasures do not come to us in youth,
perhaps we'll find them now, before the touch?
My favorite lines are the closing couplet for the meaning, the imagery and the musicality as well as the awesome rhyme!
A cabin, autumn leaves, a rustic porch?
Two rocking chairs, two souls, an unlit torch...
I wanted to give this a six in spite of that one nit, because it's one of my favorite of yours!
Tender, rich in meaning, musical... and memorable too.
Warmly, rd
|
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
Ah, one other noted that very nit and suggested I refine for pentameter...which I meant to do immediately and then got side-tracked.
I look to you as a paragon of wisdom regarding all things poetic and thus I am especially leased with your comprehensive review, your most encouraging words and you suggestion for editing that line!--
So pleased this is one of your favorites of my postings! It stated out rough but for once I didn't rush it... each day I read and refined a bit more.
I was at a loss for closing envoi and then awakened with these very words ready for placement!
I'm honored. (I will edit NOW!)
Thank you, more than you know... Karenina
|
|
reply by rama devi on 12-Oct-2020
AW, thanks for your gracious response, dear and high esteem too! I love when the muse sleeps on it and wakes up ready!
Warmly, rd
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 331 (+1) | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 81 | | | |
|
|
|
|
I'm not sure I've ever been there before, or not quite in the same way. I mean, in the blind, over such a distance, the silence almost deafening. Straining for a whisper in the white noise. Captivated by written words, longing for a hiss, hum, or a moan. Kicking through the leaves, my sweaty palms, cold feet's perfect touch. You picked some of these thoughts right out of my brain. But wrote them more eloquently than I ever could have.
Great job!
|
Comment Written 12-Oct-2020 |
|
|
| |
|
|
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
Oh, I would bet on you to be more eloquent...
Still, there is a certain surrender of control when one is overcome by
an awakening, a sense of being so alive...
Like free floating upon gentle undulating waves in the sea, not worrying about direction or destiny.
Such things are gifts to any human heart...
Mere thank you is not enough...
Karenina
|
|
reply by Ric Myworld on 13-Oct-2020
I don't understand how I seem to relate you everything you say. I used to spend many early mornings taking a nap, floating in the waves. Friends thought I was crazy, but I was free. I still don't have time to read your email and reply. Hopefully I can by tonight. You make me smile!
|
|
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2020
You make me smile as well. I've given up discerning why. I enjoy floating in the early morning "waves" as well. I used to try to dissect just why that was. Now I am thankful for the experience and excited to discover the "unbearable lightness of being."-- Don't worry! Read when you can!--K
|
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 15 | Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 22 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Teresa Shortess | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 64 (+1) | Author Rating For Short Works
Rank: 22 | Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 47 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
| Author Rating For Short Works
| Author Rating For Novels
| Review Stars
Rank: 218 | | | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Up For ReviewStand Out WritingAdditional Reading
