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Loumon

Ring Around The Rosies by GoodHearted Woman

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The story kept me enthralled throughout. You evoked good imagery as I was able to visualize the morning. Skip preparing everything for her husband's birthday/father day.
I'm assuming the child suffers from mental illness from the intro in the first paragraph: close calls and the tugs of worry that have been a part of her new life since Kelly was born and friends told her it would never get easier than it is right now.
To the adult like conversations the dolls were having, uncharacteristic of a (healthy) child's mind, to the nonchalant way she handled daddy's death.

hmm...psychopath maybe...
**The psychopath can appear normal, even charming. Underneath, he lacks conscience and empathy, making him manipulative, volatile and often (but by no means always) criminal




Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

A Narrow Way by Bill Schott

Excellent
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It is a lovely poem. You relay the intent of your particular message clearly. Excellent image chosen, it is the perfect fit.

I suppose all is a matter of perception. I prefer to view this life as a path that is wide, with alternate routes leading home, alternate routes to grow and learn, so that one may finally arrive and be welcome back from our long journey, but yes some will not make it home.
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

Lavatory Graffiti by Mithma

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I imagined moments of happiness, mistakes and sorrow by the many different lives walking in and out of this dirty stall. That such a place can hold secrets and dreams.
The entire piece is so well presented, the image, the background and of course your words, chosen perfectly .
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

Mama, will you be deported? by LisaD123

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You did so well in showing how discrimination and ignorance affects all. This to be questioned by a child is excellent thought process in conveying your message. The child does not understand this, "Who is allowing these oceans of hate?" Indeed.
Excellent choice of words, it flowed smoothly.
Thanks for having courage to write on a matter that affects us all.
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

God, We Need You by Caressa_08

Excellent
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A prayer befitting these times. Good choice of words that explains the many issues and troubles we face, so many evil acts inflicted on the innocents. You point also on the troubled souls that inflict evil as this prayer is not just for the innocent but all humanity.
Good luck to you.
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Possibilities 2 by nassus1957

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Exceptionally expressed. You captured my emotions on this from the very first line. You are truly gifted to have such a being in your life.
I took from it that nothing is a definitive, there is beauty from all or anything, whether one creates or reinvents, and how we view this life. How "probabilities can be possibilities", such as a writer that has a thought and develops that thought into art form and shares it with the world, as you have done.
Well done. Simply beautiful.
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

Reconcilation by ElleBrice
Chapter 89 of the book Exile

Excellent
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I found this an interesting story. There are many characters to try to remember and understand in relation to each other. I'm certain reading previous chapters would make that clear.
I found myself interested in wanting to learn more about Lucas and Gal lard and how it came to their hearts beginning to beat?

Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

Rain by barkingdog

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I enjoyed this , it kept me from beginning to end.

I also like that Jerry is a rather ambiguous character.

I few thoughts ran through my head, in the end I settled for the version that maybe he will no longer enjoy funerals.

He tells her he learned to celebrate death as a beautiful end to life. At her funeral it us in somber celebration.

I found the falling on the stairs a bit abrupt, but it is a limited word count and I understand one has to get to it.
Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

The Opulent Witch by jlsavell

Excellent
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Yes the obsession one holds for another can only be described as insanity.
Your description as such is done so very well. I truly enjoyed this line :
Poe's "Tell Tale Heart"
holds no candle
to his manic propensity.

Excellent free form , excellent imagery. This can remain , for some a short while or as long as a lifetime. Therefore bewitched is a word that can describe this type of fixation.
Thank you for this excellent read.

Comment Written by Loumon on 04-Jul-2016

Each Night Summer Fairies Pray by danpald

Excellent
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An excellent poem. I particularly like how you use the fairies, to look through their eyes at how the world is today. Hoping that we will not destroy ourselves, how "dreary it is and lacking faith."
Great choice of words and rhyming, it flowed well, without pause.
Thanks for this lovely poem.
Comment Written by Loumon on 03-Jul-2016


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