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shaffer40

Making a Monster by Thomas Bowling

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm out of sixes, so here's five. I like the psychology behind your depiction of what makes a monster. You have told a true story here. I think the first two lines are poignant. Well done.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 29-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Trumpenstein by Robert Zimmerman

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Trumpenstein is such a clever name for your monster. I especially like the line "The doctor screamed, 'I've made a ghoul!'" I think I know upon whom you based this character. Well done. (Here's a five; I'm out of sixes.)
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 29-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Attempt at a Treaty by lyenochka

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I ran out of sixes, so I have to settle on a fiver. I never watched "Star Trek," but I know that this is a brilliant response to the no-adjective prompt. I especially liked this line:

This translator cannot substitute meanings from the source language.

You get my vote in the contest.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Bess under stress by Susan X Smith

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You achieved your goal; you made me laugh. This is very clever and funny -- the perspectives of hugger and huggee. This scenario probably gets played out repeatedly in offices everywhere, even when it's not National Hugging Day. :)
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Pondering on a Walk by HarryT

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed this short-short, especially since I, too, have those thoughts as I look at homes and apartment buildings, wondering who lives inside, what kind of lives do they have? Are they happy, miserable? Do the once-happy marrieds wish they were again single? I think your ending is a good way to bring it altogether. I haven't tackled this category yet; not sure I'd do so well.

I noticed some nits regarding punctuation and a couple other things, which I have pointed out below:

Trees wake shaking their leaves in the breeze.
Comma after "wake"

I wonder what goes on behind the walls?
Statement: no question mark

Do the people cuddle in bed or do they sleep far apart.
Need question mark

I walk on thinking house by house.
Commas before and after "thinking"

Are there cracks in the foundations, do the roofs need repair.
Need question marks.

open the door shuffle into the kitchen,
Comma after "door"

I sigh, I am home .
Period after "sigh" would be stronger image. Close in space after "home"



Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Okem Hollow Gazette by Suzanna Ray

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm not sure if I could come up with a story like this with no adjectives. Good for you for creating a clever use of famous names and institutions and a humorous read.

There are errors, but after seeing the comment you made at the end, I'm not sure if they're yours or the paper's, but if the latter, my apologies; if yours, maybe these suggestions will be useful. I almost suggested changing some of the lines from passive to active voice, but I hesitated. Passive voice is something poo-pooed by editors but sometimes works.
****************************

Mr. and Mrs. Charles Hilton of Upscale, New York
Need comma after "New York"

their daughter Paris Hilton -- their daughter, Paris Hilton,

Mud Hollow Virginia last Saturday July 18, 2020
Commas & extra space after "last"
Suggest: Mud Hollow, Virginia, last Saturday, July 18, 2020.

Brides Maids were dressed in gowns of Organza and the Bride wore a Tutu of lace embroidered with sequins and pearls.
"Bridesmaids" -- one word
Organza -- small "o"
Bride -- small "b"
Tutu -- small "t"

of " Tumbling Tumble Weeds ",
spacing & one word -- of "Tumbling Tumbleweeds,"

Carol Channing sang Ave Maria by Franz Schubert
Close extra spaces & quotes
Carol Channing sang "Ave Maria" by Franz Schubert

The Bride and Groom exchanged rings from The box of cigars from Havana Cuba, gifted to the groom by Fidel Castro.
No caps, comma, & extra space after "exchange"
The bride and groom exchanged rings from the box of cigars from Havana, Cuba, gifted to the groom by Fidel Castro.

Refreshments served following the nuptials consisted of Beans on Triskets. and Chicken Feet., roasted on the grill.
Extra spaces, caps, and extra period
Refreshments served followed the nuptials consisted of beans on Triskets and chicken feet, roasted on the grill.

Minuet in G -- quote marks

The more enibrated, were escorted from the premises by the National Guard unit 16 from Slickmore County and The Unknown Soldier from Arlington Virginia.
Misspelled word; commas
The more inebriated were escorted from the premises by the National Guard, Unit 16, from Slickmore County and the Unknown Soldier from Arlington, Virginia.



Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Finger paints by Sergeant Floyd

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I am so impressed with this poem. I especially like the first two lines in the last stanza -- wanting to sweep you up in my arms -- from the artful expression of childhood and the last lines -- trying to understand Gershwin using braile. Thoughtful and insightful with nice, creative images.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020

Round Robin by Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

As you wish, I was totally amused. This is a great take on one of human beings' tendency to tear each other down (probably in order to build sagging self-esteem in most cases). It's perfectly written as well as entertaining.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020

On the Edge by Ava Wilson

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Clever response to the contest prompt. I was sure someone would push the MC off that clilff and she'd be doomed. Naming the bungee coach (if that's what they're called) "Bubba" was a nice touch. The writing was perfect.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

A Kiss is not a Kiss by Cathy Jordan

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is quite a story, taking the reader way beyond the dangers of STDs. No happy ending here for sure; Chuck's look of hatred the final jab. I enjoyed it immensely.

One little thing I noticed:
A gauze-wrapped stub took he place of his right arm.
I think you mean "the" place of his right arm.
Comment Written by shaffer40 on 27-Jan-2020


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