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Janilou

St. Louis Chapter 31 part 1 by barbara.wilkey
Chapter 72 of the book St Louis

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

What an excellent chapter. I didn't see any errors. This is definitely a book I would buy and read when published. I now intend to go look for your already published book on Amazon. :-)

You say in the author's notes you can't keep the title St. Louis? Why is that?
Anyway, what about "The Lou" or "St. Lou" ? Just a thought. :-)


Notes:
"Thank you for not making a judgement." Logan nodded, and she continued, "One guy pried my mouth open and another poured a bottle of whiskey down me. I spit as much of it out as I could. That only made them angrier. I don't remember much after that, only a few sounds, but nothing intelligible. They did this repeatedly."


You need a line space here, because this is still McKenzie speaking and it will confuse the reader.

"Thank you for not making a judgement."

Logan nodded, and she continued, "One guy pried my mouth open and another poured a bottle of whiskey down me. I spit as much of it out as I could. That only made them angrier. I don't remember much after that, only a few sounds, but nothing intelligible. They did this repeatedly."


Excellent chapter. I loved your dialogue. Descriptions were just right and emotions and reactions seemed to fit the characters.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020

Nesting by emmaysavage

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Love the artwork you chose to go along with your beautiful poem. I really enjoyed it. Reminded me of being a child and finding baby birds who had fallen from their nests. We tried so hard to save them if we couldn't replace them into the nest.
Sweet poem.
No errors noted.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Corona Virus Frightens Me by RodG

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Oh, I am so completely with you on this.
Especially these lines:

But though I always wear a mask,
Corona Virus frightens me.

"Safe-distancing" is still my creed,
yet others strut most foolishly
in crowds despite what experts warn.
Corona Virus frightens me.


I don't know what is more terrifying right now that watching people walk around without masks, without social distancing, apparently completely oblivious to the unseen threat that lurks everywhere!

How can we be so foolish? I don't get it. How can we be so "intelligent" a species and yet be so stupid?

Great poem. Stay safe,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Practice Writing by Raul1

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Keep practicing to
write, you'll get better each time
you get inspired.

...and truer words have never been spoken. I have often practiced the trick of overcoming writer's block, by sitting down and starting to type a few words. It's amazing how the very act of writing "I don't know what to write" can actually be the catalyst needed to get the process started!
All the very best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Metaphysics by emmaysavage

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All life is change.
We are intended
to love journey,
not cling to oasis.

Those were my favorite lines of all. A lovely poem.
I am not familiar with the word ewat so I looked it up. The definitions really didn't help me understand the use in your poem. Perhaps you could clarify it for me?
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Argentina in! by bertodi

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An interesting poem indeed. I have a question.

none english see only the smiles
but we know our devils
though we can say little


Did you mean 'Non' English here?

Other than that, I saw no potential issues. It's a complex poem, and I am not sure I really understood it, but it flows nicely and your artwork is beautiful!
All the best,
Jan

Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020

Double Blind~Chapter Eleven by Sally Law
Chapter 11 of the book Double Blind

Excellent
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Well, now, this was a chilling story to say the least! You have left me wondering what the outcome will be, and wanting to read the next chapter for sure.
It was a little difficult for me to figure out what was going on, but that's because I'm coming in at chapter 11 and not because of your writing.
I found no edits needed. No errors noted.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020

Change the World by Ethan Raven

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The answer is love,
Which will save every soul,
Our Guide is above,
Lord, we give You control.

You are so right. The answer is love. I only wish we would as a world, as human beings finally understand and embrace this truth.

I enjoyed your poem. I found no errors or edits needed. Excellent and encouraging work.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

How My Friend Became My Dad by Patty Palmer

Excellent
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What a wonderful story-poem this is. I congratulate you on winning the contest and I can see why you did. Heartwarming and wonderful and so true.
Very well written. The verse flowed so easily and swept me up into the story.
All the very best,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020

Stiffs by Brett Matthew West

Excellent
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I had to read it through twice, to make sure I was understanding the roles everyone played. Good satisfying ending to a heart-stopping short story here. I didn't see any errors or edits needed.
Well done. It's not my usual genre to read, but this kept my attention throughout.
All the best in the contest,
Jan
Comment Written by Janilou on 28-Jun-2020


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