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Iron Curtain
by SixFtLion (Suzanna)
Hello, Lady Suzanna,
Your hometown is quite pleasing to the admiring eye, wondrously displayed in its naturally glorious surroundings -- and, it's no wonder you have such a heartfelt expression of it, and despite the soul-suffocating loss of freedom its citizenry historically suffered under, I am sure there are redeeming memories of fondness in activities, learning, close friends, and loved ones while growing-up and living in beautiful Tanvald �¢?�¦ those all-important intricacies of life while there that helped shape the wonderfully deep, creative, caring, and productive, etc; person you've become.
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"In this section of the review I'll address some important technical and formatting aspects of your compositions to consider and learn from:"
Suzanna,
Your excellent poem here is composed in the "Ballad" form (which includes several varying formats), and may I add that your 8/6/8/6 iambic tetrameter (eight syllables/4 metrical feet) and iambic trimeter (six syllables/3 metrical feet) are sheer perfection, as well as your spot-on a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, etc; rhyme-scheme. For your very first attempt, it is amazing, to say the least, as there are those on here who are master grade poets who could not have done better ... you must have a superb teacher; and, quite obviously, a basketful of poetical potential.
In particular, V2L2, "her soul had no content." I find is genius how you use the one iambic word, "conTENT", to express so many emotions all at once (ie: lack of peace, happiness, gratification, tranquility, wellbeing, etc;), and this is not the only instance you exhibit fine potential in becoming a premiere poetess.
Your grammar and syntax are enviable, and the mere hint of constructive critique would be to center your verses in a size larger "serif" font for more elegance and reading ease. For presentation in all of your poetry, consider the following thoughts: Fonts too small = weakness and difficultly in reading / Fonts too LARGE = overwhelming, rudeness, and shouting.
Also, add a free space at the top, bottom, and sides of your poem to free and allow it to breathe, all for the reader's visual/mental comfort. Without free spaces around your work, it can take-on a crushed, smothering effect. Observe some of the more accomplished poets' onsite work, and take a cue from their techniques; you'll soon begin to easily grasp what I've shared with you here, and (perhaps) apply it to your already excellent compositions, as-well, to make them even more appealing. This is how we learn from one other and better our all around skills, eh?
Sincerely, I apologize if I've overladed you with details, Suzanna, but I really would like for you to you do well in the contest and see your overall skills improve, and it's often these little things that make a HUGE difference.
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Ahhh, you've told us a sad, but honest and open tale, Suzanna, I hope has become history for your hometown and those who spend their lives there, now ... where your own heart shall always dwell, I think.
Truly, Suzanna, I am inspired by your burgeoning skills, and am more impressed and entertained with each new read.
Thank you ever-so sincerely for sharing and listening to an olde Bard's rantings ... big HUG! ~ Richard : )
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Comment Written by Richard J on 03-Aug-2020
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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
WOW, Richard, thank you for your everything: your awesome review, big HUG, six stars, sweet words AND all the technical advice you wrote for me. I copied it into my notes, and will go and review (and edit) my poem. I thought I had the advanced editor on, but somehow it was gone when I was ready to post. I will try again. All you mention makes so much sense. Again, thank you so much for your kindness and for making me feel like a Poetess :) :)
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