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Richard J

Shine by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A super "WOW!" for this one, Dear Sal!

You've created a rather super-radiant little double entendre Senryu, yourself; or, you know me and my super-vivid imagination ... wink*
Love the super title, super-impacting picture choice, super color-scheme, and super-fetching font choice.

I am super tickled to read and review this super lovable poem, Lady Sal ... if it doesn't win, the judges need super strong glasses!
A super-huge "HUG" in thanks for sharing another of Your lovely pieces with Me! ~ Richard x0x ; )
Comment Written by Richard J on 25-Aug-2020

Making Love by emmaysavage

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"GULP!"
Who could possibly ignore such a title? ; )

Talk about imagery, simmering warmth, scintillatingly moving dialogue ... ohhh-MY!
With such a beautifully rendered flow from line to line, verse to verse, you've used words to bring to life a scene most of us can only fantasize.

"I need those minutes.
I want them too."

Virtually says it all.

And, in the delightful ways you've so fully expressed everything, I see every reason you should take honors in the contest ... love it mucho! ~ Richard : )
Comment Written by Richard J on 03-Aug-2020

Iron Curtain by SixFtLion (Suzanna)

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello, Lady Suzanna,

Your hometown is quite pleasing to the admiring eye, wondrously displayed in its naturally glorious surroundings -- and, it's no wonder you have such a heartfelt expression of it, and despite the soul-suffocating loss of freedom its citizenry historically suffered under, I am sure there are redeeming memories of fondness in activities, learning, close friends, and loved ones while growing-up and living in beautiful Tanvald ?¢??¦ those all-important intricacies of life while there that helped shape the wonderfully deep, creative, caring, and productive, etc; person you've become.

--~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~--
"In this section of the review I'll address some important technical and formatting aspects of your compositions to consider and learn from:"
Suzanna,
Your excellent poem here is composed in the "Ballad" form (which includes several varying formats), and may I add that your 8/6/8/6 iambic tetrameter (eight syllables/4 metrical feet) and iambic trimeter (six syllables/3 metrical feet) are sheer perfection, as well as your spot-on a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, etc; rhyme-scheme. For your very first attempt, it is amazing, to say the least, as there are those on here who are master grade poets who could not have done better ... you must have a superb teacher; and, quite obviously, a basketful of poetical potential.
In particular, V2L2, "her soul had no content." I find is genius how you use the one iambic word, "conTENT", to express so many emotions all at once (ie: lack of peace, happiness, gratification, tranquility, wellbeing, etc;), and this is not the only instance you exhibit fine potential in becoming a premiere poetess.
Your grammar and syntax are enviable, and the mere hint of constructive critique would be to center your verses in a size larger "serif" font for more elegance and reading ease. For presentation in all of your poetry, consider the following thoughts: Fonts too small = weakness and difficultly in reading / Fonts too LARGE = overwhelming, rudeness, and shouting.
Also, add a free space at the top, bottom, and sides of your poem to free and allow it to breathe, all for the reader's visual/mental comfort. Without free spaces around your work, it can take-on a crushed, smothering effect. Observe some of the more accomplished poets' onsite work, and take a cue from their techniques; you'll soon begin to easily grasp what I've shared with you here, and (perhaps) apply it to your already excellent compositions, as-well, to make them even more appealing. This is how we learn from one other and better our all around skills, eh?
Sincerely, I apologize if I've overladed you with details, Suzanna, but I really would like for you to you do well in the contest and see your overall skills improve, and it's often these little things that make a HUGE difference.
--~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~-- --~--

Ahhh, you've told us a sad, but honest and open tale, Suzanna, I hope has become history for your hometown and those who spend their lives there, now ... where your own heart shall always dwell, I think.

Truly, Suzanna, I am inspired by your burgeoning skills, and am more impressed and entertained with each new read.
Thank you ever-so sincerely for sharing and listening to an olde Bard's rantings ... big HUG! ~ Richard : )
Comment Written by Richard J on 03-Aug-2020

Mockingbird don't sing by Meia (MESAYERS)

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Lady Meia,
Your poetical portrayal of Genie/Susan is a true masterpiece of projection into her mind, heart, and soul, reflected into ours upon the page by your skilled, compassionate, empathetic pen.
Your poem reveals so very much of your own depths of understanding through the ability to escape the boundary of your own being and enter that of another.

I find this piece to be quite uncanny in description, and marvelously rendered in how you introduce Genie and bring us so vividly into her sadly unjust world ... you stole my heart and replaced it with sorrow, like I've never known before.

I wish I had a thousand stars to bestow upon you for sharing this with us, Meia ... plus, the story of Susan Wiley and why the "Mockingbird don't sing", and for inspiring me to read your amazingly rendered poem again.
Bless you Dear Poetess, your wondrous heart and soul! ~ Richard

(why is it I am the first and only to review this?)
Comment Written by Richard J on 29-Jul-2020

What I See by MissMerri

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A most lovely morning to thee, Lady Adonna : )
How beautifully you always write, and how appealingly you present your compositions for our best enjoyment ... thank you ever-so warmly.
I, too, can relate with the sentiments flowing all through your words, but the one thing they did not mention is that: With each glance of your maturity, comes deeper beauty.
Techy stuff: I enjoyed the soft-rhyme of L1, and the spot-ons throughout, and in virtually perfect iambic tetrameter (L4, transient) ... "fleeting" would be a quick fix, or even the elision "trans'ent" ... still, "transient" is such a perfect word, and sooo tempting, eh? Deserves nothing less than a six-pack, in my mind's-eye.

Happy smiles across the miles, M'Lovely Friend, 'n wishing loads of luck in the contest for You, too! ~ Richard : )

A fun side note:*
Your format is almost the same as one of my originals. : D

"Bi-Trillets"
Original form created by
Richard W. Jenkins Copyright 5 June 1996

Bi-Trillets is a form composed in a minimum of three 3-line verses.
Each verse has 1 bi-rhyme line, followed by 1 Rhyming Couplet,
with no limit to the number of verses.
Alignment: Author's Choice
Syllable Counts Per Line: 5-5/8/8
Rhyme Scheme: a-a,b,b / c-c,d,d / e-e,f,f
(g-g,h,h / i-i,j,j etc; for additional verses)
Can be about any topic.

*Great minds think alike ~ don'tcha know ... big GRIN!
Comment Written by Richard J on 25-Jul-2020

Furry Love by SixFtLion (Suzanna)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Mm, Susanna!
It appears as though Oscar is about as equally awesome and happy as his lovely lady friend holding him for a sweet kiss is. ; )
This is such a touching snapshot of You with Oscar, to gift one's spirits a soft, warm smile, while your poem's sentiments bade the heart sing 'n dance.

One never knows how wonderful a little being might be when given a caring chance, eh?
Thank you ever-so happily for sharing this moment, Dear Poetess! ~ Richard : )

Here's wishing you loads of great luck in the contest, too.
Comment Written by Richard J on 25-Jul-2020

Beautiful Escape by Sally Law

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, Lady Sal : )

Such a beautiful, image-filled effort you've made in the challenging Japanese Tanka form ... your skills are so varied, I'm ever pleasantly surprised by what you always seem to come up with next.
The artwork and title (I think) are perfect for your theme, and the music, as-well, is a great choice ... one of my faves by Three Dog Night.
Here are some ideas/thoughts you might find useful:
1. Line 5 should be 7-syllables. 5/7/5/7/7
2. Experiment with more poetically-interesting, less like talking, syntax (re: L1).
3. Try to avoid so many filler "the" words in such a short composition; try a more descriptive/meaningful/poetic word of expression ... see following examples/hints/ideas for illustrate and consideration:

The long way taken
escaping noisy traffic
for some soothing peace
in a place not so hurried ...
soft, twinkling fireflies enjoyed.

I always enjoy and adore your original poetical efforts, and this one is no different in this sense.
Thank you, Dearest, for sharing with us ... I wish you the utmost success in the contest, too ... big HUGS to You! ~ Richard : )
Comment Written by Richard J on 13-Jul-2020

Cognitive Dissonance by SixFtLion (Suzanna)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ya know, M'Dear?
I genuinely understand and empathize with your feelings on this, and fully agree. Yet, it sparks the thought of what the population of meat bearing, free roaming critters would be if no one ate them ... just sayin'.
Hey, love the deep meaning you've created with such brevity -- few do.
Cute artwork and intelligently creative poem ~ left my heart a bit melancholy.

Welcome to the site; love your pen-name, too.
Smiles 'n hugs! ~ Richard : )
Comment Written by Richard J on 10-Jul-2020

...You...Me... by Melodie Michelle

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dang, Lady Melodie!

A radioactive sign should have been pinned to this deliciously naughty, but beautifully voiced masterpiece in homage to sensuality between two lovers.
There's no doubting you're a romantic in every fiber of your lovely, vibrantly-alive self, and it's we, your smitten readers, who are left to enjoy and benefit from your deftly scintillating skills in expressing it.
I am particularly drawn into your moment with you in how "yOu" and "me" are utilized to emphasize the lucky players in this gorgeously alluring play of sheer sensual bliss.

What's more to say, but ummm, thank you Dear Lady-Poet, for sharing your vividly warming self through another splendid piece from your sizzling pen ... love it mucho! ~ Richard ; )
Comment Written by Richard J on 04-Jul-2020

His NAUGHTY Fix by Melodie Michelle

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well-well-WELL, Lady Melodie!
Quite the vividly visual imagery, indeed, stirred and painted upon the susceptible canvasses of our sensual fancies by your deeply creative imagination, farrr more vibrantly than your excellently chosen picture ... making me wonder if this is not the recount of an actual endeavor; I mean, it feels sooo real to the senses (and other areas) ... BLUSH!
This is sooo VERY sultry and well laid in such a manner your readers can't possibly help but relate and be irresistibly/vicariously lured into your scenario ... yes, including me. ; )

Excellent visuals, Melodie, skillfully enhanced by physical, mental, and imaginative effects ... not soon subsiding for your readers, Im thinking! ~ Richard ; )
Comment Written by Richard J on 01-Jul-2020


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