Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

gene_ink

Help With Research by c_lucas

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Keep on keeping on, Charles. Have enjoyed many of your western chapters. Well written using mind catching adjectives. To the point with no use of superfluous words .Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 17-Jan-2018

cognitive development by Hopefully oppressed

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well done then, hopefully oppressed. A great existential expression connecting to many of us, especially for those who are aging without explanation of what comes next. Keep expressing.
Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 19-Dec-2017

The Gifting Angel by Ricky1024
Chapter 30 of the book "The Gift of Life II"

Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ricky 1024. You may feel like you walked into an editorial windmill from the following. Don't fret I am a obsessive compulsive but experienced editor who has been known to pick fly crap out of pepper. But I have your work at heart with the following comments. Take what you need.
Gene
-was [remove article from either basically or happy
- in[remove return] Ship [Also, do you think the commas in this sentence are appropriate?
-as well [either (?)my opinion.]
"And, [remove comma that does not seem to serve a purpose. her cruel brother... "Step brother Jack Dillion whom raped her in the basement as a six, year, old, child...
-student[,] more
-"Opps!" [sp]
they then [remove both for a smoother sentence.]
-"Now, as a student, education wasn't my priority?[not a question][add comma or semi-colon and link People were!"]
"As I [remove 'further' which is implied in 'progressed'[remove ,] progressed with My Life[remove ,] I [remove 'soon'] would come to realize that I had other gifts?"
-young [remove 'as well as'[ [remove quotations and capital 'M' from '"Mental'...my preference would be to use 'intellectually challenged']
-2003 [There are two incidents when the elipses ... is used: 1. To indicate a pause in dialogue such as "hold the door...ok, then don't hold it open." 2. to indicate that some information has been left out The speech was long but to sum it up it went something like this "...keep off the grass during the growing season...and ensure you keep to the sidewalks..." The first ellipses indicates that the speech quoted is a continuation of something already said, the ellipses in the middle of the quote indicates that information has been omitted, and the last show that the speech continued. They are only used in dialogue. You would use dashes for writing that is not part of dialogue: Soldiers marched on the gravel road--an explosion caused them to take cover.
Clear as mud, right?
-"On March 31st, 2003 I was a passenger in
-he himself [Two pronouns not required here, remove the reflexive 'himself'.]
-And[remove comma after 'and. If a comma is needed with 'and' it would precede not follow. Other places in your submission, as well.] was going
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
-Violently... That I suffered from a Deep Coma as well as a Serious Brain [non of these words are capitalized.]
-"The oxygen dissipated within a 17 hour period so My Brain Died?" [Try my opinion. In 17 hours my brain was dead due to oxygen deprivation.]
-"And, I would become more or less...
"A Cabbage in A Vegetative State of Being." [One sentence less capitals: "I had become more or less a cabbage in a vegetative state.]
Comment Written by gene_ink on 19-Dec-2017

Some Old Legends by Wetbelly01

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-trip.[space]Finding
-all, T[t]his
-old[remove old for a smotther sentence that doesn't lip-trip from ol'. You cover old with "many moons ago"...strictly my opinion, up to you]
-week[']s time [possessive]
GREAT punch line
Comment Written by gene_ink on 19-Dec-2017
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Foward, march! by Jannypan (Jan)
Chapter 2 of the book VETERANS

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Super open letter from the eternal soldier. Exceptional presentation! Timely, smooth, captures the experience of anticipating war, and overall, a great piece.
Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 19-Dec-2017
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Blue White Diamond - 34 by jadapenn
Chapter 34 of the book Blue White Diamond

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A good chapter, Jada. I have one suggestion.
Gene
-Who are you talking about(either a semi-colon or a question mark here). Your friend Paul? (Examples: Who are you talking about; your friend Paul? Who are you talking about? Your friend Paul?)
Comment Written by gene_ink on 17-Jan-2011

Constipation's Over by c_lucas

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Ha, ha, ha! Very well done, Charlie. You couldn't have settled on a more appropriate photo to complement your humor. Lots of laughs.
Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 16-Jan-2011

I Weep by jadapenn

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A well done poem, Jada. The lyrics stand alone but are enhanced by the mystique of the mask that hides the underlying motions so demonstrated by the oriental costume.
Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 16-Jan-2011

Blue White Diamond - 33 by jadapenn
Chapter 33 of the book Blue White Diamond

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is very well written, Jada. I could easily identify with the emotions of the characters and well follow the flow of the central themes. Editing was effective and I have no constructive or otherwise criticisms.
Gene
Comment Written by gene_ink on 16-Jan-2011

The Evidence by Sasha
Chapter 5 of the book The Heir Apparent

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I found only one small edit point indicated below. The piece is written to well to be effected by one small error. Your descriptions are done well and the story develops like a professional.
Gene-is going (to) be public domain.
Comment Written by gene_ink on 16-Jan-2011


Page: 1 Next Page



  Contact Us © 2014 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement