The Gifting Angel
Chapter 30 of the book "The Gift of Life II"
Hi Ricky 1024. You may feel like you walked into an editorial windmill from the following. Don't fret I am a obsessive compulsive but experienced editor who has been known to pick fly crap out of pepper. But I have your work at heart with the following comments. Take what you need.
-was [remove article from either basically or happy
- in[remove return] Ship [Also, do you think the commas in this sentence are appropriate?
-as well [either (?)my opinion.]
"And, [remove comma that does not seem to serve a purpose. her cruel brother... "Step brother Jack Dillion whom raped her in the basement as a six, year, old, child...
they then [remove both for a smoother sentence.]
-"Now, as a student, education wasn't my priority?[not a question][add comma or semi-colon and link People were!"]
"As I [remove 'further' which is implied in 'progressed'[remove ,] progressed with My Life[remove ,] I [remove 'soon'] would come to realize that I had other gifts?"
-young [remove 'as well as'[ [remove quotations and capital 'M' from '"Mental'...my preference would be to use 'intellectually challenged']
-2003 [There are two incidents when the elipses ... is used: 1. To indicate a pause in dialogue such as "hold the door...ok, then don't hold it open." 2. to indicate that some information has been left out The speech was long but to sum it up it went something like this "...keep off the grass during the growing season...and ensure you keep to the sidewalks..." The first ellipses indicates that the speech quoted is a continuation of something already said, the ellipses in the middle of the quote indicates that information has been omitted, and the last show that the speech continued. They are only used in dialogue. You would use dashes for writing that is not part of dialogue: Soldiers marched on the gravel road--an explosion caused them to take cover.
Clear as mud, right?
-"On March 31st, 2003 I was a passenger in
-he himself [Two pronouns not required here, remove the reflexive 'himself'.]
-And[remove comma after 'and. If a comma is needed with 'and' it would precede not follow. Other places in your submission, as well.] was going
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
-Violently... That I suffered from a Deep Coma as well as a Serious Brain [non of these words are capitalized.]
-"The oxygen dissipated within a 17 hour period so My Brain Died?" [Try my opinion. In 17 hours my brain was dead due to oxygen deprivation.]
-"And, I would become more or less...
"A Cabbage in A Vegetative State of Being." [One sentence less capitals: "I had become more or less a cabbage in a vegetative state.]
Comment Written by gene_ink on 19-Dec-2017