Chapter 1 of the book Elizabeth's New Life.
An interesting chapter. I so feel for the sailors. Not a pleasant experience. I do wonder why you started a new story when the last one hadn't resolved. This just feels like the continuation of the previous story.
Some things to consider:
Thoughts of the woman convict, Elizabeth Powley inexorably - add a comma after Powley to completely set off the aside as it can't be an introductory phrase as you have it now.
He was unaware that the woman had been transferred to The Charlotte pregnant - this sentence feels awkward here
The ship's surgeon, Thomas Arndell stepped -If something or someone is sufficiently identified, the description following it is considered nonessential and should be surrounded by commas.
and plan to herd the sheep and cows down there - no subject
then said - no subject
and leave it in your hands to dispose of the carcasses - no subject
That too, objected loudly - add a comma after that to separate the word too completely
corpses into the sea, be leaned against the ladder below - comma not needed
and became lodged in the hatchway - no subject
it too, managed to flatten - once again, too, should be set off with commas. You might want to use the word also instead to relieve a long string of commas
Comment Written by AliSmith on 02-Feb-2011