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HarryT

Jolene

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent monorhyme poem. However, I find the comparison of alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine to a vaccine flawed. A vaccine is a preventive, alcohol, cigarettes and caffeine may be considered poisons.
I would also delete "topping it off with pickled sardines" the line sounds forced and is not needed.
Good job with a difficult task.
Comment Written by HarryT on 02-Apr-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

To A Hero ! by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent poem in praise of a personal hero. For me a bit of a problem rhyming Grandpa and awe. Just doesn't work for me.
The last stanza a bit awkward the insertion of The Best. I might try to rhyme last line with call. Example for second and fourth lines: 2nd: Your service went far beyond during every call
4th: We Salute you and new life, please have a ball.
Just my thought you are the author.
Comment Written by HarryT on 02-Apr-2020

When Will I Be Loved? by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Poem carries much gut tearing emotion, so I gave it five stars. However, I believe it could be cleaned a bit for example, the lines "I know that He is no facade" and "One day I pray this'll go away" are not needed and in my opinion detract from the power of the piece. Fourth stanza, fifth line replace then with please for more power.
Last stanza, first line replace others with people. Last stanza, second line change to "but not with me." Last stanza, line five suggest "I'll love you so if this could be." These suggestions are only my opinion. You are the author, you make the decisions. Keep writing your words are soaked with emotion and the want of family love.

Comment Written by HarryT on 23-Mar-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

These Words by Puzzle

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like the idea of the poem. The structure works but there is some question about the rhyming. In the first and second stanzas you are not rhyming the root of the words only the endings.

Quoted from at https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=152&t=19834 "Another mistake pops up when we get into two-syllable-plus words or phrases. The rhyme has to work from the last stressed syllable.
Example: eating and cheating

Both of these words are stressed on their first syllable: EAT-ing and CHEAT-ing. Basically, eat and cheat rhyme, and "ing" is the same on both; so they rhyme. Some might be tempted to rhyme words like "eating" and "jumping"...they both have the same ending sound, right? Shouldn't the "ing" on the end be enough? Say them aloud. Do they really rhyme? Nope.

Comment Written by HarryT on 23-Mar-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

The Flowering Of Love by Dorothy Farrell

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wonderful expression a lasting love. Perfect rhyming scheme for the poem. Draws on one's emotions with a well-expressed conclusion. Images are strong. This poem, I believe, is worthy of publication.
Comment Written by HarryT on 15-Mar-2020

Memories Remembered by l.raven

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love this offering. It speaks so true of every journey one takes along the path of life. My only problem is the title. Memories Remembered is to my mind redundant. One cannot have memories if they are not remember, in my opinion. I would seek a different title. Love the picture, excellent structure and the poem flows well. It is so rewarding to be please with who you have become. I love your first stanza.
Comment Written by HarryT on 15-Mar-2020

The Life of a . . .RUMOR by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a very clever piece. Personifying a rumor is a great idea. Good rhyming with AABB pattern and like the four line stanzas. The entire piece flows well.
Comment Written by HarryT on 21-Feb-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Remember When by DragonSkulls

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Love the image you create with both picture and words. I think we could use some good fairies and magic in our world today. Wonderful work, I enjoyed my trip back to my childhood.
Comment Written by HarryT on 26-Jan-2020

Enlightening Snow by lyenochka

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love the fact that you were able to put great description in so few words. I got a chill as I read your poem. Wonderful job. Keep up the fine work. Love the phrase "moon's cold glow." I look forward to reading more of your poems.
Comment Written by HarryT on 15-Jan-2020

Fresh Aspirations by Y. M. Roger

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

So nice, saying it all in a few words. We all, I believe have such ambition. The question now is will we stick to the plan? The sentiment nicely fits the format. We all can relate.
Comment Written by HarryT on 13-Jan-2020


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