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Loredana

Lost by Iza Deleanu

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I enjoyed your poem and the choice of words. However, I have a couple of questions.
Second line: Did you mean to write 'hoping'? I'm asking because you wrote 'hopping'
Third line: I think you meant to write 'staring' and not 'starring'.
Second stanza, second line. I think it should be "memories 'have'" and not memories 'has'.
I hope this helps.



Comment Written by Loredana on 13-Aug-2019

A Point of view by JLR

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

If you don't mind, I'll use this poem together with the image in my class. I think it describes what all students, in my case, need to push themselves to be themselves and strive to achieve what they want. Attitude is everything.
Comment Written by Loredana on 13-Aug-2019

The Last Visit by Willie P. Smith

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This has all the features of a ballad and it would be great to hear it sung. Beautiful story. I like the way you made the reader hear the accent. I would have used it in more places. Stanza 6, line 2 it seems too short to continue with the same rhythm as the stanzas above. Also, line 4 of the same stanza. It feels as if it's missing one or two words. It's just my feeling, though.
Comment Written by Loredana on 12-Aug-2019

1 Noise by Iza Deleanu
Chapter 1 of the book The Book of Miracles

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I am curious to know what the experiment is. Good start. The dialog drove me crazy, so I empathized with the character a lot.
A couple of comments:
2nd paragraph. "Sorry Ray Ray I can't It is against my experiment." I think there's the need for punctuation after 'sorry'. Also, this sounds like a run-on sentence. So a ';' after 'can't' would solve the issue.
5th paragraph. I think you meant 'stop it' and not 'stopped it' unless this is the way you want the foreigner to speak. I think that Jess is the foreigner here, right? I think I also know Jess's country.
Comment Written by Loredana on 12-Aug-2019

Pam at the Met by LefthandedScribe

Excellent
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Very clear message helped by the great choice of image. Great message to everybody who needs a push to 'just do it' to be fearless and dream big. Make choices to follow your passions and dreams. If you don't mind, I'll use it for my English class.
Comment Written by Loredana on 12-Aug-2019

Tir Nan Og by Lytton Bell

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

And that's where we should all live. Gorgeous fairy tale poem. This could easily be turned into a ballad, like the famous ballad of 'Lord Randall". The sing-song like rhythm catches the attention and takes you all the way to the end. The story is also beautiful, on the line of that Greek myth where the couple is turned into a tree because they wanted to be together even after death (can't remember the title).
Comment Written by Loredana on 12-Aug-2019

How to Catch a Shooting Star by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
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Lovely poem. Beautiful rhythm given by the rhyming scheme you chose. I like that it came out on St. Lorenzo's Night. A memorable night in history. I used my brother's name because that's how we call it in Italy.
Really pleasant poem.
Comment Written by Loredana on 12-Aug-2019

Shop keeper by Emma 2

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I could feel the stress of being 'trapped' in your shop both literally and figuratively. A couple of comments:
Line 6: Did you mean to write 'I've leaving? I don't understand what you mean here.
Line 8: I think there's a mistake in the verb, 'my hubby were away'. It should be 'my hubby was away'.
Line 10: there's a symbol after the '?'
Comment Written by Loredana on 10-Aug-2019

A Giver, of Sorts by V McCrary

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Loved your poem. If this is you, you are a tough cookie and much more. You pictured yourself with humor. I really enjoyed the part where you wrote 'raised in the church, but still a sinner'. Aren't we all? But you boldly admitted it. Every line is a discovery of who you are. The title really suits the poem.
Comment Written by Loredana on 10-Aug-2019

Memories Of Our Yesterdays by LisaMay

Excellent
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Simply beautiful. I think commenting on your poem is superfluous. You depicted the passing of time, love, happiness, and sadness skillfully. It's sad and beautiful.
Comment Written by Loredana on 10-Aug-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.


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