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Xylok

It Could Happen by rama devi

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

so intense...volumes of emotions and thoughts from many many successive generations trumpeted in six words or less...a call to action to protect the planet and those living things on and in it...as if in a picture or a bumper sticker...made from neon lights...were i to review it in one word i'd write...'necessary'.
Comment Written by Xylok on 25-Apr-2018

Christmas Things by I am Cat

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

well that was sheer delight to read! how utterly entertaining throughout. fun to orate or to sing, dripping with nostalgia and priceless feelings. the kind of a poem that billions would enjoy were only they to access it, such is life. those who do happen upon it are fortunate, at least as far as that goes anyway, for who knows, maybe someone reads it and then tumbles down the stairs shortly thereafter, and instantly dies, cracked back, but here's to hoping THAT doesn't happen, and that rather whoever reads it gets as much enjoyment out of it as I did. by the way; LOVE your description regarding rules. "The individual IS the empire." - Thoreau
Comment Written by Xylok on 03-Jan-2017

The Affluence of Incahol by djsaxon

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

very interesting deep creative poem...philosophically and form-wise...could easily double as a song...what do you mean strange content I know...more like strange content, you're welcome! enjoy! powerful comes in normal and not so normal packages after all. so does entertaining...just ask the millions who are enthralled watching dow jones numbers flash by, and the millions who think Jim Carrey and Da Vinci are worthy of their respective iconic statuses. far be it from anyone to tell anyone what to write but were I to stand in front of your face an inch away with a suped-up megaphone and microphone and scream writing advice into it it would be, "WRITE WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE WRITING, write what you want to write, for there is no true sense in fighting the might of your soul's inner light!" ie...keep 'em coming!
Comment Written by Xylok on 03-Jan-2017

Moving Right Along by djsaxon

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

and yet you've never left said heart, despite the interim,
for fondness has no limits, and delights in requiem,
as poems as lovely as the smell the sea to sailors sends
leak from you across the cosmos to your distant friend
for though bold sunshine overpowers all it faces in battle
the war is often by the shadow.
Comment Written by Xylok on 10-Sep-2016

Last Wish by MissMerri

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Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

lol good one, didn't see that coming! nice rhymes and form as well. john sort of got what he wanted in the end, unless heaven or hell or wherever he went is crowded, of course. upgrade the phrase cold hard to something less cliché is my only change advice. more lively, rare, better words that somehow convey something poignant about the story or plot or person buried beneath the tomb, which is already preunderstood to be cold and hard, as in that part is already implied, what else can you tell us about it and or the plot or the person buried there in two single syllable different words than cold and hard, or in a two syllable word? anyway, made me laugh and think about the afterlife and has me thinking about my grandparents.
Comment Written by Xylok on 14-Jan-2016

What Love is This? by MissMerri

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

powerful poem; so true and sad for so many, yet not so sad cuz presumably God wants single mothers or there wouldn't be any; that is if you believe God is in control of the universe. interesting poem; moving. speaks of so many real situations and does so very eloquently.
Comment Written by Xylok on 24-Nov-2015

Stardust, Find Me by MissMerri

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

wow this is beautiful and creative and inspiring and well written and wrought of love and contagious and clever, and or you are, or both, plus replete with profound thoughts and cool vocab choices throughout and metered and cadenced well and the acrostic is tucked neatly in, and pretty. thanks for sharing.
Comment Written by Xylok on 16-Nov-2015

Signed by a Divine Artist by rama devi

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Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

very cool. that is so how it goes down. reminds me of rock structures that look interesting etc after the wind has had its way with them, and rain, and atomic decay etc, gravity. you sum up a very deep and fun topic in few words and do it with wonderful imagery.
Comment Written by Xylok on 24-Sep-2015

I Miss You by MissMerri

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

quite cool how you say so much with so little. very powerful. it will make people cry, cuz they'll relate it to missing loved ones, either dead, divorced, missing, whatever, but absent. rad art choice too.
Comment Written by Xylok on 01-Sep-2015

Perdina by MissMerri
Chapter 38 of the book Love Songs For Every Heart

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Perdina was a girl who lost her way
and found herself at last so far from home,
she thought her life was hopelessly undone.
For weeks and months she wandered all alone.

catchy opening plot/imagery.

One night she stumbled blindly through the dark
in search of shelter from the rain and cold.
Discouraged and afraid, she staggered on,
uncertain how her future might unfold.

interesting. makes one wonder what's gonna' happen!

The past grew dim with every step she took

clever

away from home and those who loved her best.
She shivered in the dampness, weak and tired,
but searched in vain for some safe place to rest.

what a situation!

The days, and often weeks of raging hunger
had driven her to scavenge from the bins
of garbage in the alleyways of town,
behind the busy eateries and inns.

well put. good cadence meter etc...


At last her path led out beyond the streets
and up a quiet hillside far from town.
She longed to find some peace beneath a tree,
a place to lay her heavy burdens down.

whatever will she do?!

But peering up the path, she saw instead
a simple cabin, windows all aglow.

cool

Her weary heart leapt up as she perceived
here dwelt a person she might like to know.

I spose so!

With hope renewed, she hurried up the path
and following the light, approached the door.
She paused, absorbing all the smells and sounds,
and knew at once, life could be so much more.

hope!

She raised a trembling hand, prepared to knock,
but suddenly the door swung open wide.
A young man smiled at her with gentle eyes,
then took her hand and welcomed her inside,
and there she saw the table set for three
with fresh-baked loaves of bread and hearty soup,
a bowl of fruit, a pitcher full of milk...
abundant fare, enough to feed a group.

well put again, and cool imagery.

She noticed too, the fireplace burning brightly
and there, before the hearth, a metal tub
half full of water. Suddenly, she thought;
How wonderful to have a bath and scrub
away the weeks and months of filth and shame,
but first a bite of food, a cup of tea
to ease the aching emptiness within.
So weak and faint she'd grown, she didn't see
the grey-haired woman seated in the shadows
until, with effort, she at last arose
to stand beside the rocker where she'd been
attending to the mending of some clothes.

more cool imagery, and pleasant rhymey-rhythm.


Perdina had just turned to seek the warmth
of fire to warm her fingers, cold and numb,
but kindly, the old woman took her arm
and starting toward the table, murmured "Come."

cool

The young man poured a steaming cup of tea
and set it down before the weary lass.
She sipped it eagerly, its warmth so sweet,
she knew the numbness in her soul would pass
and soon she would be strong and whole again.
The kindness of her hosts, the food and tea
were all she had been missing for so long.
She thought with longing, of her family.

sad and happy all at once.


The young man gently took her hand in his
and smiled into her eyes, then bowed his head.
"Our Father, we are grateful for your love
and for this opportunity," he said,
"to share our blessings with a child in need,
and heal a hungering soul who's lost her way."
Perdina felt the tears flow silently,
as she remembered how she used to pray...

fortunate for her! cool again.

and how, so long ago she'd known pure joy
surrounded by her loving family
who cherished her and must now miss her so,
but whom she'd scorned to "find her destiny."

a move so many make when they grow up.

What she had found was sorrow, and deep shame,
but here at last was love and hope again.
She ate with new-found relish as her hosts
refilled her plate, yet so much more remained.

abundance!

Her cup was never empty, though she drank,
and soon her hands and feet and heart were warmed.

cool

She felt her spirit cleansed from deep within,
and knew, before the dawn, she'd been transformed.

I dig the near rhymes.

Perdina shed, at last, her shabby rags
and bathed away the filth from life's dark road.
The woman gave her something clean to wear
and brushed her tangled hair until it glowed.

coolcreative.

She couldn't wait to tell all who would listen
about the wondrous people she had met
who gave her so much more than food and drink,
and changed her life in ways she'd not forget.

:)

The years passed by. Perdina brought her child
to see the place where she had touched the hand
of angels who had prayed for her in ways
that only the redeemed can understand.

powerful stanza; well put.

She and her son looked up the grassy hill
and saw a cabin in the fading light.
The path was worn, but still the window shone
with radiant warmth, dispelling bleakest night.

well said again.

The fragrance of a meal, and fresh-baked bread
came floating on the gentle evening breeze.

upgrade the adjective gentle to something livelier and more memorable and more striking is my advice to take or leave...the fresh-baked bread part, nice!

The memories of life transformed were strong.

well put

Perdina smiled, her happy heart at ease.

fitting ending to a clever creative powerful well rhythmed poem. the story of not only her life but of millions in many ways. universally relatable more or less. great post. can't imagine people not enjoying the ride, other than those folks who hate poetry and happy endings that is, which are few and far between. a surefire hit, in other words. you have a vast range of poetry within you.
Comment Written by Xylok on 25-Jun-2015


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