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bnd-writenow

Pure Childishness by indelibleink

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You followed the contest rules with a solid poem and great presentation! Thanks for highlighting the required words - it makes it so much easier to review!

I like your rhymes (including slants) and you have a nice cadence.

LOL - indeed we should be careful of our wishes. Imagine dreaming of being a kid again and coming back as the opposite sex! Oh, yeah, you did!

Anyway, you took me right along on this journey and I enjoyed being in your poem.

Great job!

Best wishes in the contest!

Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 14-Apr-2010

Santa's Lamp by Nicki_Mist
Chapter 1 of the book Sunshine Poetry Collection

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well, I guess you hear the sound of a different drummer...

While most others are looking towards spring and summer, you're back in December, with a traditional holiday poem.

I like your story in a poem. You have sound rhymes and a new twist on the usual tale.

I read this poem 4 times - twice aloud. Then I went back to look at the meter... As much as I love your story and content, it does not flow well for me. The meter felt off - especially when read aloud.

Since poetry is subjective and this is not a contest entry, I leave my rating as is. However, if you want to bring your fabulous poem to a level of perfection, you may want to tighten up your meter a bit - a dropped or added syllable here, a changed word there would do the job.

Great job on this wonderful story - I love the idea of a lamp to light the way for the lost and forlorn.
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 14-Apr-2010

Lone rider by Dogz

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Now this is a nice dark poem to start my day!!! My brother lives in west Texas, so I figured I'd see about the lone rider...

You fulfilled the contest requirements as far as I can tell. I love your presentation - awesome.

This poem reminds me of every character Clint Eastwood played in movies about the Old West... Lee Van Cleef, too!

I'm back watching those movies with my friends... The tension's in the air as the solitary rider hunts his prey...

I love your flow and phrasing:

my fingers control lightning
&
the center of the storm

are my favorite!

Great job!

Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 14-Apr-2010

Thanks to Chocolate by closetpoetjester

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You are too funny - writing a poem to explain your win.

OMG - you have me laughing...

You should feel bad - your first haiku-form poem and you wrote a better poem - more in line with the Asian picture words - than many accomplished poets on this site!!!

I even got muted by one of my favorite writers on fs in a blind contes review cuz I made a comment about it being prose...

This piece is too cute and too funny!

You rock, so just keep doing what you're doing!!!

Great job - and yes, those colors rock, too!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 14-Apr-2010

I am Chocolate by closetpoetjester

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Congrats on your win!

You did an goood job on this, which is more of a senryu than a haiku as it relates to people, rather than nature...

However, you used awesome economy of words - a huge issue with me - and summed things up in you last word!

I'm far from a poet - but started loving Haikus in grammar school... In my Haiku Harvest, I rant in my notes about the more traditional forms vs fs cantests...

Anyway, I'm a sucker for this - CHOCOLATE!!!

Great job! It's a hiaku form, and not a sentence whacked into 3 lines with the right syllable count! YAY!!!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 14-Apr-2010

Masters All by sgalletti

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You fulfilled the contest requirements and I love your presentation.

I'm not big on watching golf, it's like watching paint dry to me. In fact, LOL - watching paint dry is less boring!

However, you had me laughing - it was a fun read with a great flow. I like how you wrote in free verse, but added the couplet of tight rhyme and meter:

The young against the old
with stories to be told

It created a great effect!

Thanks for your notes, too. I knew some of that, but not all... It really helped me!

Bravo! You made golf not boring!!! You should win on that alone!

Seriously, best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 12-Apr-2010

Ode to Child's Pose by amada

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a delightful contest entry. I believe you followed the contest rules and I love your entire presentation...

As a certified yoga teacher (not teaching now), I love this ode to the Child's pose. You describe the simple joy of this pose as well as it's restorative properties.

Your simple notes help add to the presentation for those not familiar with the work - as does your artwork.

Great job and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 12-Apr-2010

This is Truly You! by Mary's angel
Chapter 5 of the book My Beautiful Jesus!

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I tend not to review Christian poems of this nature - I often feel a little out of my element. However, I gave this poem a quick read. I went back and read it again and again!

I grew up in the Caribbean and attended an Episcopal school while I took Luthern catacism (3 years, like the Catholic Church)...

Although not a Christian by other's definitions, I love the ancient ritual of the Blessed Sacrement.

I love the way you tie together the feeling of being at home (in church) with your faith, the sacrement and the knowledge of who is always 'Watching, listening and being here."

BTW...You do have a typo there - space needed between comma and listening: Watching,listening

Excellent piece!

BRAVO!!!!!

PS - in your profile - greatful should be grateful
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

Escape From Reality by RJ

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I believe you followed the contest requirements.

Your presentation is awesome and enhances your work.

Although a rather short poem, you discuss serious life issues. Your poem is strong and has a heavy impact.

Two errors prevent me from giving this 5 stars...

Here:

An adolescent Childs belief

should be:

Child's

and here:

Darknessentices the escape

well, darkness entices - two words...

Fix these, and I'll review again.

Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

The Unforgettable Murder by Kashif Ali Abbas

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I believe you followed the contest requirements.

Yes, for the children of the world...How so many suffer and die is beyond human comprehension... Close to 11 million every single year die from the effects of poverty - and this does not include those who die from abuse.

I like the tone of this piece. I liked wondering who the blue observer would be and liked how it turned out to be the sky.

You described the horrid rape and murder in a manner approaching dignity - enough details to put us there, with enough distance to keep this poem from delving into graphic darkness.

One small thing - in this part:

A sweet child in tender sixteen, that girl was

I would say:

A sweet child of tender sixteen, that girl was

...in addition, I find it very helpful for this type of contest when the author highlights the words in some way - bold type, italic, one font larger, etc... It makes for an easier review when trying to consider the contest requirements.

I'm not saying you should change these two things, as all poetry is subjective, but...

Thank you for writing this poignant piece.

Good luck in the contest.

BRAVO!!!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010


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