The Unforgettable Murder
by Kashif Ali Abbas
I believe you followed the contest requirements.
Yes, for the children of the world...How so many suffer and die is beyond human comprehension... Close to 11 million every single year die from the effects of poverty - and this does not include those who die from abuse.
I like the tone of this piece. I liked wondering who the blue observer would be and liked how it turned out to be the sky.
You described the horrid rape and murder in a manner approaching dignity - enough details to put us there, with enough distance to keep this poem from delving into graphic darkness.
One small thing - in this part:
A sweet child in tender sixteen, that girl was
I would say:
A sweet child of tender sixteen, that girl was
...in addition, I find it very helpful for this type of contest when the author highlights the words in some way - bold type, italic, one font larger, etc... It makes for an easier review when trying to consider the contest requirements.
I'm not saying you should change these two things, as all poetry is subjective, but...
Thank you for writing this poignant piece.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010