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bnd-writenow

Journey Home by Perp Ihebom

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a fabulous poem, with an amazing rhyme scheme and great cadence.

I read this poem 5 times, and twice aloud.

Your phrasing and imagery are awesome. As I take this journey - thru your poem and thru life - I feel:

Fight your way through highs and ebbs
Says the guardian's voice within
When you are caught in knotty webs
Know that's the way it's always been

...as well as:

The rightful path subject to guess
Shrouded in codes, perfectly done
Answering to wisdom's key, no less

I wanted to log on for a moment before going to sleep. This poem is a perfect end to my day!

BRAVO!

...and thank you for such an awesome read...
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

Chocolate Eggs for Breakfast by another jim

Excellent
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I read about this in the forum and am delighted to now read this piece.

LOL - your rhymes and meters make for a good read. However, your story is over the top!!!

It's just too funny and the last line is doubly fun with its double meaning!

I've been to many Anglican services thro the years and have a few friends who are priests, so the idea of this happening is too easy for me to imagine...

...I've been known to possess a rather dark humor...

Thanks for this enjoyable read... Who ever said puke on a priest in church wasn't funny??? Certainly, not me!!!!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

3- 3- 6 haiku my own creation by Gert sherwood

Excellent
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LOL - this is too funny...

Actually, in Japan, Haikus are not always 5-7-5, but follow the imagery more, so...

I love your question as well as the hint of the old "spring has sprung, the grass has riss, I wonder where the birdies is"

I'm sure this poem will tangle many a mind!

How very zen of you!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

Fleuressence by Amari2kv

Excellent
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I love this entry, and you fulfill the contest requirements.

Your presentation is awesome!

You create vivid pictures and your writing flows down the page!

I would like to suggest that you don't date your poems in your post as it will be a turn off for some - too dated, not fresh... Make mention of it in your notes - 'I wrote this when...' - it's just an idea!

Also, when you have something this awesome, do you know how to promote your work to get more feed back?

Anyway - an enjoyable read! Keep up the good work!!!

Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

Peace # 1 by Alexander E Poet
Chapter 1 of the book In my View

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I like this simple entry and it will be interesting to read your other thoughts on peace as I suspect you will continue...

One small error - or an error as I see it...

supply's in this case should be supplies as it is not a contraction of 'supply is' or 'supply has' but a verb used for the third person...

I supply
you supply
he, she or it supplies

Keep up the great job. I don't have time to review all your work, but so enjoy your writing!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 11-Apr-2010

The Turnaround by daffodil

Excellent
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Oh, my! This is much, much better than the workshop version.

The story flows so well and you cleaned up a lot of the confusion. The read is much, much better!

You still have some problems with clauses and commas, but I really believe you should study a style manual (Chicago Manual of Style is excellent, and you can access it online - if you don't want to pay the $40) so you learn the rules.

Also watch the overuse of passive voice - this piece is much better, but there is a tendency to use it too much!

See!!! You do have a great writer in there!

Keep up the good work!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 10-Apr-2010

I Don't Think So by Amari2kv

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What a wonderful, humorous piece! I laughed all the way through!

I also entered this contest (southern secrets)...and lost!

I love the artwork - the facial expressions work well with this piece!

I love your rhymes - solid and slants. LOL - I'll bet some of the rhyme police will be after you!

I love how the couple discover they are aging and this couplet cracked me up:

Were they now ready to call it a day?
To finish their lives in such a blah way?

I like how the middle part presents all their crazy plans, and, in the end, they achieve balance!

One little note... It is not wrong, but a little outdated as far as style. It is no longer taught in (American)grammar classes and doesn't 'look' good with the ampersand (&)... It is fine to omit the comma before the ampersand... People in other English speaking parts of the world like to use it, but most current style books omit it in these cases...not to say you should change it, mind you... Of course, using a semicolon in a list before 'and' is still proper...

Bravo! Thanks for the fun read and laughter!
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 09-Apr-2010

Me & My Dog Dreams by Amari2kv

Excellent
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With tears streaming down my face, I wish I had a 6 left.

So sad... I like the way you drifted from from first person (or first dog) to 3rd. It has an awesome impact for me...

So sad, those old dogs, who never gave up. I adopted a dog, nearly 12, who'd been dumped in a shelter the year before cuz she was getting married. I would have dumped the guy. This old girl took a long time to settle in - she was so afraid of being discarded again. When we bonded, it was with a very strong glue. We didn't even have 2 years before cancer ended her life...

I love this verse - and the play on days and daze:

Lost in the daze & days of inaction...
The buried bones lay in silent soil
Their scent incites no passion

You are a gifted, passionate writer!

Thank you for including your notes. Your sister reminds me of my departed grandmother - she even stole a dog going through the worst abuse. She loved and nursed that young dog back to health...

Thanks for this awesome post!



Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 09-Apr-2010

To Death Row Animals by Eternal Muse

Excellent
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Sadly, I have no 6s left to give - and this deserves a six for the social justice issue alone.

I have 3 formerly homeless cats - rescued directly form the woods, before they died from neighbors' poison, harsh winters or ended up in a shelter...

...and a rescue dog from the shelter...

My dog before Rocco was a few months short of ther 12th birthday when I adopted her...She only lived to 13-1/2.

About 8 million dogs and cats make it into shelters every single year. Half of those are euthanized - every single year...

I guess I didn't say much about your poem in this review - your presentation rocks, along with the ^_^ and your solid and slant rhymes...

Great job!

(it's been a while, so I don't remember - I wrote a poem about my rescue - My Love, My Heart - you may like to read.)
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 09-Apr-2010

Life's Endeavors by Mileko

Excellent
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Although we have a different 'take' on life, I appreciate the thoughts in your poem.

With this free verse offering, you have a rather good flow, although I may have broken up the lines a bit differently.

The poem feels so negative, as if life is hopeless, praying is useless and why even bother living - it's all a downhill ride...

As I stated, my truth is different. My spiritual path insists I live in the moment, enjoying the beauty of each instant rather than focusing on what was or what may be. This is the only time this moment exists, and it should not be wasted on yesterday or tomorrow. (That does not mean one should never make plans or have goals.)

However, this is your poem - and these are my feelings triggered by your piece - subjective and personal.

Good job on this piece - you have a nice presentation as well...
Comment Written by bnd-writenow on 08-Apr-2010


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