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AshelinaB

Earl by Michele Harber

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Congratulations on uploading your first story here! Ooh, and it's a true one too. Very nice! I like this story. I also like the voice telling it, your voice. It always seemed to be filled with such warm graciousness. :')
Aw, Earl reminds me of my father. When he was telling you all about the "deformities" your child might share with her birth mother, it brought to mind the time my dad considering giving our dog away. He placed an ad that went something like this: "One stupid dog that barks at everything, never listens, and won't play fetch. To best offer." Like, "Gee, dad, way to talk up the dog. It's almost like you DON'T want to give her away!" haha ...I can't imagine how hard it was for Earl to play a part in giving up his granddaughter, though.
Blessings to all of you,
Ashlee
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 12-Dec-2018

I Can Read Your Face by sunnilicious

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How sweet! Is this poem written with a single person in mind? Hm, if so, I imagine that that person feels very lucky to have you in their life. Thanks for sharing your poem!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Nov-2018

I Think My Pet Rock Is Alive by Six-Star Writer

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Man, you're funny! Haha Thanks for the laugh.
I was wondering what the heck was with the last word, but then you explained it. Cool.
The rhyme scheme is one that can be very limiting, but you made it work. It even sounded pretty natural. I hope you publish more in the future :)
On a formatting note, I think you should make new lines after the words "shopping," "rocks," and "Dream" to better fit the rhyme scheme and the rest of the poem. Then again, the lack of being two lines each on those stanzas seems to be intentional Hmm... Hope that helps either way.
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Nov-2018

Aunt Agatha by judester

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Haha! Why is this just about every conversation I've had in my life?
Unconventional though it were, you can see how this is a story from how much it says by not saying (without knowing anything else about either character, we learn a little bit about both of them from the protagonist's word choice, tone, and ellipses) and how the protagonist even grew a little by the end. Good on him/her for getting in a whole couple of sentences at the end there before the line went dead! Nice work!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Nov-2018

Ashes to Ashes by DonandVicki

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As an English teacher, I mildly mourn the loss of the article in the first line. That being said, I like the dual comparison and contrast between it and the last line. Cold urn, smoldering ash, or perhaps the ash has gone cold too. "Ash" was a really good word choice too since it signifies a sort of hopeless aftermath of devastation. Really nice job!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Nov-2018

Swearing by doggymad

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Hm, I come to this issue from the opposite side. My parents swore a lot
throughout my upbringing, and I find that my brother and I do as well. I guess to some people, it really isn't a big deal. For me, it can be a sign and way of joking. Many an awkward or tough spot have been relieved at least partially by one of the "bombs." Swear words can also convey a very clear "I need to be left alone right now" or "I am very upset" that do not seem to be heard otherwise sometimes.
I do agree with you, however, on the derogatory words. They are disgusting and only reveal reprehensible thought processes to my mind. I don't even like to hear them in jokes, so they are different from swearing to me. Nor do I like things that are overly crass just to be offensive or for shock value and/or "coolness."
I hope that these thoughts have some sort of benefit to you. Your writing is clear if not slightly (though understandably) close-minded. Perhaps my view might broaden your perspective? I respect your thoughts either way and wish you the best. Take care!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Feb-2018

Do you like ice cream? by Megan14
Chapter 1 of the book My Daily Angel

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Hm, this seems interesting. The angel does seem strange to me, almost as if he is trying too hard to be alien to humans. I wonder why he cannot taste anything since he would be a being of perfection. I have had teachers like Mr. Richards, though, and they can really drain children of joy. Overall in line-editing, I would advise you to not reuse words close together but choose synonyms or another way type of description instead and watching out for homonyms. One example of the former is "peculiar" and one of the later is the day "Sunday" versus the dessert "sundae." Best of luck in your editing!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Feb-2018

Third Party? by Gma48

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I like this. I too tire of the so-called tribalism and divisiveness. It seems that anyone who tries to come to a compromise and work with the other side is a traitor to their own group and untrustworthy to the other. How ridiculous. What happened to be the United States? :( Thanks again for this, anyway! If you ever form that third-party group, let me know! I'd be glad to join. haha
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 15-Feb-2018

In my Blissful World by Ella Gott

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Hey, this is pretty nice. I liked the imagery a lot. Some things to note would be capitalizing the start of each line, formatting, and tone consistency. Be well!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 07-Feb-2018

Alice by Meia (MESAYERS)

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I am sorry that you experienced this. It seems very traumatic.
That being said, I think that you told this story well but should be on the lookout for overwriting. You don't need to tell so much to get your ideas across to the reader. Too, you could pare down the details a bit. The picture and GIF certainly match your story and the prompt, however. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written by AshelinaB on 04-Feb-2018
Read and reviewed with blinders on.


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