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kiwisteveh

The Homecoming by humpwhistle

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I didn't know the association between the number thirteen and the gallows. Still learning stuff.

I didn't pick the ending, although, as usual, I can look back and see the hints. I particularly liked the now double meaning of languishing in darkness,

You squeeze a lot into this mini-tale.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 24-Nov-2019

The Book Club by phill doran

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi, Phill. I wouldn't abandon this one for too long, if I were you.

There is a lot to like here. Ignoring the sarcastic title, the first stanza could be describing that other sort of bonfire - you know the happy kind where you only burn poor old Guy Fawkes, who was only hung, drawn and quartered, I believe. I know it's supposed to be 'hanged' but that just doesn't feel right in that particular phrase!

Then the books are startlingly introduced in the sort-of personification of 'shattered spines and broken backs' (although in hindsight, 'leaves' is also a clue. You can feel the pain of the words writing and twisting, which is also an accurate description of pages curling as they burn.

And then we come to the evil that produced this scene - the jackboots, the double flash insignia, the dun uniform. 'a double-flash steals light ' is a brilliant oxymoron and leads into the darkness of the powerful last line.

This links to various literary references - 'Fahrenheit 451' of course and also 'The Book Thief', and did I see a book-burning scene in one of the Indiana Jones movies?

Anyway, thought-provoking stuff. Controlling what we read and thus think is a giant step towards controlling us altogether. Missing news may be as bad as fake news...

Steve

Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 24-Nov-2019

She whom I adore. by rhymelord

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You sound pretty well beguiled already, and let's hope she is as well upon reading this!

I like the repeated structure in the first stanza, the volta is fine and the couplet wonderful - in short an excellent job, well-deserving of second place. ???

Save
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 22-Nov-2019

Conductor by rjuselius

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Not sure of the logic of the lips camouflaging what's in the eyes, but let's grant poetic licence on that one! I think the message is clear enough - maybe!
Spelling - camouflage...

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 20-Nov-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Wishing by elise2

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Interesting that you choose to go against traditional upbeat Christmas themes with this poem. partly why I choose to award six stars...

Great extended description of the contents of the store window, ranging from the familiar toys, through the model railway to more specifically Christmas scenes. Then of course, you jerk a tear as the young boy trudges away through 'sludgy, sullied snow.' Wow! that really hits home, especially 'sullied' - fantastic word choice.

Christmas itself is sullied by this portrait of the child who can never aspire to receiving any of the treasures in that window.

A very different kind of Christmas poem, but strikingly effective. I suspect the contest winner may be something more traditionally cheerful, but I would give this my vote if I could.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019

Withered Roses by Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It would be nice to think that we entered into relationships with the knowledge that there would be thorns as well as blossoms - not always so, I'm afraid.

I like the very apt metaphor you explore here. Also both the rhyme and the vivid image in line 1. Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Goosebumps, Chills, and Shivers by Janice Canerdy

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Blank verse purists will frown at the rhyme in your first stanza and even the while/pedophile further down. Strictly, blank verse should have no rhyme - not that it matters in this case since it's not for a contest.

The meter is generally fine and the description of the chilling true stories matches my own opinion.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019

Nick's Tire Repair by mackenzietastan

Excellent
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I think you changed Tom to Ron halfway through. And 'waived' should be 'waved' at the end.

Apart from that a lovely and appropriate tale which should be a contender in this contest. I doubt that any tire shop ever dumps brand new tires, but we'll let that one pass for the sake of a good story.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019

My Pie Diet Until I Die by Sandra du Plessis

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Cute and humorous poem, Sandra. Reminds me a little of that song 'Food, glorious food' from the musical 'Oliver.'

I liked the bouncy rhythm you used for this, although it fell apart in line 8.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019

Politics King? by gmartinez247

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Not sure about this one - although I like the message.

Are you rhyming self with self? That would generally be considered a no-no... Oh, OK, I see you have another rhyme right at the beginning of the line with born/torn.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.


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