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themanicdude

A Journey Home by artemis53

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow, this is simply breath taking writing, written so elequantly. Forgive my preconceptions, yet having just watched 'Dark Shadows', I feel it complemented my movie nicely. You have a unique pen and writing voice, and I offer you my six stars.
Comment Written by themanicdude on 06-Nov-2012

A Mensan's Guide to Riding a Bus by Erik Heen

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I thourougly enjoyed your story of buses; it got me thinking how this ogic could be applied to everyday situations. I swear you could write stand up. Thankyou for making me smile.
Comment Written by themanicdude on 15-Mar-2012

Raven Flew Down by Zombie's Woof

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love the darkness in this poem, I found it very appealing. Gungalo has bought the darkclub back this week, I'm sure you might want to take part. lol

Your grammar, spelling, presentation are all flawless, I now yearn for more.
Comment Written by themanicdude on 06-Mar-2012

Things I Should Have Done by geoniasha

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I was amazed by the sentiment within your poetic message, very beautifully woven together. Your presentation has give our poea smooth flow. Your spelling, grammar and presentation are flawless as I have no improvements to suggest, all I can do is give you a 6*.

Lee X
Comment Written by themanicdude on 06-Mar-2012

Forgive Me by SLT66

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow, thats seems very much fast paced. Ok, you want to invite your readers into understand your work. Describe the scenery, the smells, the tension, the more detail you use, the more you will have your readers glued.

Try to hold back on dialogue, let dialogue support your story, not become your story, unless you are writing a script.

I can see a strong basis for a novel here, read it over, and make notes on how you think your story can be expanded to better detail, heres an example; -

I've taken a short segmant from your story being;

"That memory will haunt me forever. After I tried my hardest to change things for her, she still killed herself five months later. Now, almost a year later, I still miss her, and hope she will forgive me someday".

I can expand this to;

"That memory now haunts me forever, every night I keep reliving that moment over and over in my nightmares, only for me to wake in a fit of sweat, calling out her name. I tried so hard to improve things for her, and it destroyed my heart, just a little more each day. The confrontations were difficult, and the lies I had to tell, fooling myself that things were working out. Tonya slowly became more withdrawn, and would ignore my company. This went on during those five long months, upto the morning she took her own life, a few days later a letter fell from the letter box in Tonya's hand wrighting. It just read 'I'm sorrry'. Now, almost a year later, I think of her each day, and keep playing those moments over and over again in mind. I still miss her, and often visit the cemetary".

That was an example of your story which I expanded on, it's a tough job writing, yet the deeper you get into it, the more your characters seem real.

I hope this review helped and gave you some useful feedback.

Take care
Lee :)
Comment Written by themanicdude on 05-Mar-2012

Sometimes by Gungalo

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Sounds like a breaking up type of poem, I may be reading it wrong, yet this is the impression that stems out of your write towards me.

As always presentation, grammar, and spelling flawless. I'll re-read your poem a few times today, as I believe that I may be caught up in my own rollercoaster mind at the moment.
Comment Written by themanicdude on 05-Mar-2012

Horizon's Dawn Repair by Earl of Oxford

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow, definately some food for thought in this write. I offer you a six for your grammer and spelling is perfect. The only suggestion I have to make is to space out each verse from one bar to three. Your poem is very powerful and has alot to take in, this will then give you readers a chance to digest your message and will also make your poem stand out more.

Take care
Lee
Comment Written by themanicdude on 04-Mar-2012

The Grandparent's visit by fairy77

Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Knowing this is personal to you I will not be harsh. Your story was very dependant on dialogue. I was wondering what the inside of the house looked like, what peoples actions said about themselves, and how they reacted around each other. What was your favourite music at the time? Really sell your story to your audience.

By over using dialogue, it can be easy for your readers to loose track of your characters. Try to put yourself into the minds of every character and really bring your characters to life.

Lee X
Comment Written by themanicdude on 07-Feb-2012

Reviewing by fairy77

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Reviewing can be tough on this site, and I don't like to chase credits, as i like like to comment on the heart of a poem.

I liked the structure, and rhythmic tone of your poem, it gave me a warm feeling inside. I have no improveents to suggest on this one as I think it's a solid six :)

Lee X
Comment Written by themanicdude on 07-Feb-2012

Equality by fairy77

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The sad thing about this poem is it recognises the negative society we live in.

If I had to change one thing in your verse I would change 'Muslims are' to 'Faith Exists'. It would then be more applicable to everyone then.

Lee X
Comment Written by themanicdude on 07-Feb-2012


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