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KiwiGal

Poet for Hire by kiwisteveh

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi/B'jore from Cordes-sur-Ciel .. and it is a little piece of heaven on earth. I'm at the foot of the village, minding a chateau and its chiens, chats et chevaux (got my own little place). Hope to stay long-longterm. You poem has struck a nerve - I'm for hire as well (free house but no income).
And speaking of your poem .. if it's possible, I think this has to be your best yet. It covers everything/everyone/every scenario, is very clever and erudite. It deserves far more than this site can give it.
One day I'll put something down myself; when I've stopped walking the dogs, mowing, weedwacking, riding, weeding, hotwire fence shifting and panting (although the weather has been very mild up to now .. it's just climbing up to 33 this week).
So happy I logged on for a brief moment. You're always werf it.
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 15-Jun-2012

Too Close by Patti R.

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Another really interesting format, with the two sides setting up the scenario, merging in their intentions and separating in the outcome - with the farmer winning the contest by not losing another beast, but losing the war against a predator.

Today's wolves are like Yesterday's Indians, it occurs to me - both victims of modern encroachment....
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 10-Apr-2012

Hungry Wolf by Patti R.

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Really excellent! Stark writing for a (potentially) stark subject. Nobody likes to think of a calf being attacked, but wolves generally do a grand job at keeping herds healthy and strong.
A bit confusing re the title and "dog's gone missing". It sounds more like someone's hungry (or vicious) dog got loose and did it.
But never mind, I loved it - and you obviously love being In The Wild more than safe suburbia.
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 10-Apr-2012

Marvin's Magic Trousers (Episode 4) by Earl of Oxford

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This is SO hard to review. So I'm giving you a 5 because I know you like them.
Calling Marvin "wise" makes me grit my teeth. They also grit when I read you've done yet another chapter on him after promising not to do another one.
I think this is Roald Dahl (is that his name) country. So nonsensical that all one can do is enjoy ... perhaps the wrong word ... marvel at your brain processes from the imagination corner.
Er, you could put speech marks before the first (groan)"Floppity";
You need to make 'cock-roaches' one word (as it is); otherwise they become roaches on (gulp) cocks.
And do you mean 'sight' and not 'site' when the Aliens blew up? Although the site where it blew up could be magnificent too...
Just to prove that I read it all the way through and tried to make sense of it. Which of course is the most idiotic thing of all to do.... Enjoy your mark. And since Marvin was not harmed in any way, I very much fear that he will appear once more and I shall be forced to go through this one more time... (sigh)...
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 04-Apr-2012

Her Face by LadyCosgrove

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Absolutely outstanding. You brought the canvas alive and added a third dimension to what we were reading. You made me go back and really look at the painting. You HAVE to give this to the artist .. unless it's you..... you don't say who painted it.
I don't think you can top this poem; you can try, and I'll thorough enjoy reading them, but this is a masterpiece of its own..
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 04-Apr-2012

Yegg on the Lam by humpwhistle

Excellent
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Another you-know-what kinda story. You deserve the top star for trotting out so many colourful, improbable and funny similes, not to mention wisecracks that never cease to enthrall and entertain me... only I don't have one.

But having said that, I'll get down to the business end.
'He was shacked UP with a broad WHO (both need adding) had a face...'
'The THREE of them had a touching GOODBYE(no hyphen)'?? Surely they were just two .. what else were you referring to?
'manhandle' = one word .... hy-phen.....
'eye-roll sigh' (I'd lose the second hyphen; the sigh (noun) is an eye-rolling (adjective) one - to be totally correct, one should add ING - like a 'heartfelt sigh' or an 'exasperated sigh' etc.
'Billboard' = one word (Sigh - you sure love those hyphens)
'Icebox' = ditto

So, a cracking yarn, and I can't wait to read the conclusion. In the meantime, let's see how many hyphens you can knock off yourself before I get back to ya. Jeez, they're as prolific as your .s after Mr etc..... hehe.
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 27-Mar-2012

The Yellow Kitchen by Patti R.

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A real All Girl story! Good descriptions and very clear reasons why Pam's secret must never get out - sounds like Middle America, and conservative country living to boot, where a man's macho ego izall!
I do hope she keeps an eye on that 30 minute period of grace....
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 25-Mar-2012

An Uncertain Future by Cumbrianlass
Chapter 32 of the book The Cast of a Stone

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Another wonderful chapter of the perilous life and love in the Middle Ages.
Just three wee things:
1.'oatcakes' is one word.
2. I think "(my) Lord/Lady need to be capitals as they are titles (Lord Mountbatten/Lady Diana etc.). Also abbreviates as m'Lady/m'Lord - and sometimes m'Lud.
3. And in they church they "prayed together", but in the last paragraph '... not pious.. bowed..and prayed' - as if that were the first time he was doing it.
I would put: ".. explored the church, then he knelt with her before the altar... There, at Emma's side....'
Then the import of his praying in the last bit - even though he doesn't usually - becomes significant, and poignant.
Whaddya think?
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 25-Mar-2012

Marvin's Magic Trousers (Episode 2) by Earl of Oxford

Excellent
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"POOR" Marvin???? "Do-gooder" Marvin??? "Wise owl"??? "Short-tempered" Eagle, even though her children were .. fried?? Jeez, earl, what kind of mood were you IN when you wrote this?!
The Devil sure had you by your er-tail when you were inspired to write this.
Since it's very hard to mourn the (hoped-for) demise of Marvin, I'll just stick to the fact that it was quirky enough to allow me to read to the end, but I want you to drop three of the hyphenated words:
anthill
unborn
midday
which are all legit words.
I will be thrilled - but only if there are no more chapters to this feathered tale. I keep wanting to say: "And your point is.......?" Which, I suppose, is entertainment of itself.
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 25-Mar-2012

Dawn's Golden Fingers by jennyindy

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

And I was just thinking to myself, where's my Little B'ar these days .. and you popped up in my Message Box!
I can't talk - I'm having a very turbulent time at the moment, and until I'm settled somewhere it's hard to share.

But this gets my top marks - it's not only clever, but it's beautifully written - a message of love as well as hope. I'm assuming that you did the illustration?
Love the photo - great wee horse.. looks like a Quarter Horse - all power and restrained fire. And is that my bear (as a cub) on board? XX
Comment Written by KiwiGal on 25-Mar-2012


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