Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

dmt1967

Heart and sea part 1 by oliver818

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

"Fine," she (had) snapped, raising her hands as if to defend herself from his blows. (delete)

Great story. Thank you for sharing and stay safe. It showed great emotion.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Fear and gypsy swing P2 by oliver818

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Jake danced over to him from the stage. "You're still here, babe? Did it sound as good as (if) felt to play?" (it)

I really liked this story. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Fear and gypsy swing P1 by oliver818

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

From under the quilt they (had) spread over the couch, the afternoon sun crawling over the rug looked like spilt ink drowning out the swirling shapes and colours. (delete)

Graham thought at first that it must be because she blamed him, but later Helen told him she just needed to be by herself in her grief, living under it and surrounded by it as if it were the blanket they (had) hid under together as children. (delete)

I liked this story and felt the emotion behind it. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Eyes of life part 2 by oliver818

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is very well written but I am a bit lost and, my attention wandered. In my opinion, as writers, this is not good. The writing was very good but, in my opinion, not your best. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Eyes of life part 1 by oliver818

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

He waved, and (then), in a corner of the cockpit, caught sight of his own reflection. (delete) not needed

She didn't see him for hours as she sat in the hospital, morphine taking away the worst of the searing agony that she only noticed once he got out of the car and her (heart-beat) began to slow. (heartbeat)

Well told story. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Show the past by oliver818

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It (fit) so well that it had to be hand-made. (fitted) You keep slipping from past to present text. Watch that.

(I blinked again,) and the suit disappeared, replaced by a pink ballet tutu, out of which peaked dark chest hair. (I quickly blinked again,) and this time, I found my body enveloped in unpleasantly tight traditional leather Bavarian lederhosen, complete with braces. (I closed and opened my eyes in rapid succession) (delete) You are still saying the same thing but, this way, you are not repeating yourself.

I sat on the bed, or hovered over it anyway. Finally, I picked up a couple of books from the bedside table and sank gently (onto the bed.) Again, repetitive. (into the black satin sheets.)

Even in sleep, my body (hovers) off the ground, and all I needed was a small bit of thrust and I could fly. (hovered) Past to present, again.

This is a good story. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.



Comment Written by dmt1967 on 23-Sep-2020

Tomorrow's Sun by Jmf4119

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This poem has a great beat and I like the theme. It is something a lot of people can relate to. I, for one, am always woken with a start at some sort of noise. Thank you for sharing and take care.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 10-Jul-2020

Father's House fundraiser by flylikeaneagle

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Maxi (said, "d)inner with you Tuesday night at the Mercury Cafe was fabulous, Jenna. (nodded. D) In my opinion, it sounds tighter this way and action tags show a story rather than tell a story I think.

Great story and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 10-Jul-2020

I regret... by debasree_banerjee

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I love the picture and the theme of this poem and, though, this is a small poem, it says so much and the message is clear. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 10-Jul-2020

memories fall down my cheeks ... by Melodie Michelle

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I am so sorry you had to go through that. People should but out of things they don't understand. This is a poem full of emotion and written very well. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written by dmt1967 on 10-Jul-2020


Page: 1 Next Page



  Contact Us © 2014 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement