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Onixxiya

Sentimental Sentiment by easyeverett

Excellent
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I read this as about being the process of, and freedom of writing - until I found the final stanza which suggests death and the release it can bring.

The alliteration within the paragraphs adds emphasis without feeling forced.

Really enjoyed it
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Bully by Shirley McLain
Chapter 38 of the book Wee Poems and Flash Fiction

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Agree it has been round forever, but it is particularly topical at the moment.

The first line is so on the money, often the bullied do something - perhaps little more than existing - and appear "penalised" for it.

You economy of syllables is wonderful here, not a sound wasted.

A fabulous contest entry, good luck.

Sadly though, they often do understand their victims - as bully's have usually experienced the harsh end of it themselves
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Daydreams by jenintorre

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A perfect 3-5-3, flowing and to be honest you couldn't find a more ideal meaning for a group of writers to consider.

People strive for lucid dreams, but daydreams empower to a similar degree. Love this.
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Praise Flower Power by Gert sherwood

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I wouldn't have expected this rhyme scheme to work however it works so well here, not forced.

Chasing gloom away is a good way of putting it, as nothing is going to prevent those feelings but there is a balm for them.

The accompanying photo is ideal
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Maybe by pragmatic poet

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Funny, engaging, just made me smile the whole way through. I don't know what Cuba is like but it certainly sounds like a bustly, busy and somewhat uncertain place to travel!

Particularly enjoy the double meaning of squeezing shoppers!
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Flood by Adelphos Vasa

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Fascinating poem, I am guessing it is based on or inspired by your manuscript given the quote you have provided. A very powerful quote too - peace is a trick that doesn't exist. I did wonder if it was also referring to first sin and the flood. It certainly brought this to my mind, whether or not that was intentional. The rhyming is jagged and uneven - i usually find it hard to rhyme without sounding jolly but it is done to tremendous effect here, enhancing the violent tone of the piece.
Love it.
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Greasy Spoon by Brett Matthew West

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Such fun, so vivid. I would be entering this for Seal of Quality too. Frankly, the title caught my attention straight away - sounding quirky to someone who is not American - but I then recalled I do indeed know what a greasy spoon is within the first paragraph.

Slice of life is normally a hard on to sell, but your descriptions of the characters who are presented to us were both detailed and natural sounding, l definitely felt I was being spoken to rather than i was reading - favorites include "little old crookbacks", "full-featured fun" and "gun-wielding bubblegum machine operator".

As for your challenge - it's kinda cruel to do this with a piece you are clearly happy with, and for good reason but I am nothing if not compliant. So... at my most pernickety i would suggest a couple of contractions in your prose towards the top, just to sound more conversational these are: "my Dad still does not know about" - suggest "doesnt", "I hear you ask like you do not know" - suggest "don't", and finally "You bet we are all spell bound" - suggest "You can bet we're".

You may not agree, but as you asked, so I have provided.

In short - awesome, thoroughly enjoyed and inspired to try slice of life as a genre too :)
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

The Avalanche by R. Vincent

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I LOVE it. A massive fan of flash fiction as I find economy of words challenging and so strive to learn as much as I can from others. I felt the panic the buried skiier would have felt, but you didnt overdo the description, no need to. Just wonderful. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

A Stormy Afternoon by damommy

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How terrifying, I can't even imagine. I wasnt familiar (or had forgotten) how waterfall poetry worked. I found the repetition natural and not at all off putting as can sometimes be the case in poems which utitlise it, in whatever format. The only part I found jarring is the use of "on late" as it sounds odd to me. It begged a second read, and I love how you so simply phrase something as terrifying as a massive metal structure flying towards you - the calm nature of the words vs what must have been the most frantic and frightening experience is fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020

Diving Deep by Shirley McLain
Chapter 35 of the book Wee Poems and Flash Fiction

Excellent
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Always such a challenge having so few syllables. Given this, i like the natural sounding alliteration of diving deep. The picture is ideal of course, but the poem would also be complete without, another compliment given the restrictions. I have a fear of sharks so I too would see this as diving towards peril.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written by Onixxiya on 08-Mar-2020


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