Football Chapter 34 part 2
Melton Ivory continues to stalk Katherine.
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trimple

pain Hanibun poem by jake cosmos aller

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good afternoon, Jake

In your opening haiku, you repeat the word 'pain' which lends itself well here as it accentuates the fact that you clearly suffer from this rotten condition.

The prose continues on and has your reader realise just how lucky she is, not to endure pain on a daily basis.

I would highly recommend a fella on tube named Wim Hoff. I have no idea why his breathing method works, but if you check it out and read the hundreds of comments, you may find some relief as thousands of others have for numerous conditions.

Some have mentioned 'life changing'

I wish you well

kind regards

trimple
Comment Written by trimple on 07-Mar-2021

The Gates of Dawn by tfawcus

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello there, Tony

Great to see you back again.

Your poem has a wonderful soothing effect as one reads and the accompanying photo sets it all off perfectly.

A fine contender for the rhyming poem contest.

Good luck!

kind regards

tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 17-Oct-2020

October Rain by jake cosmos aller

Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Just a heads-up... the contest rules ask to contenders to write an EIGHT LINE RHYMED POEM--sorry for the caps but I copy pasted as written.

You have time to change this, so please notify me when/if you do and I'll amend the review and rating.

kind regards

trimple
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Planning For the Plan by Patty Palmer

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello there, Mystery writer.

Your poem is a lovely dedication to a Down Syndrone little girl who used to live next door. Whilst you poem is full of admiration and care, unfortunately, if you read the contest rules again, it says 'EIGHT LINE RHYMED POEM -- sorry for the caps but I copy pasted the rules :)


Revised review****

That's better. A poem dedicated to your mum who is finding it difficult to cope alone, so rather than have her placed in a care home, all prefer the care to come to her where all her memories and comfort belong.

I would suggest that you don't use capitol letters at the begining of each sentence and instead [where nesesary] use punctuation for a smoother read.

kind regards

trimple


Sorry for the low stars, but I hope you will respond in time to make adjustments.

Please let me know if you decide to edit and I shall up the stars accordingly.

kind regards

trimple
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

I Wish I'd Told My Father by LisaMay

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there, Lisa

This is a delightful yet sorrowful poem and a lesson to us all that we should all seize the day, for tomorrow never comes and that sometimes, we live to regret the words we never shared with those we love.

I appreciate however, that aside from the activities, your father knew he was loved very much.


kind regards

tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020

Halloween Hum by Father Flaps

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good afternoon, Kimbob

Now that's a word I rarely see written, 'penumbras'--an aura.

A ghostly write which for me anyway, is more about the memory of our dead relatives...
Here of course, we have a haunted graveyard. A perfect entry for the contest.

I wish you luck

much love


tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020

About Injustice by lightink

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello there, J

Well, well, well... Now this little nugget certainly poses a few questions and with that said, also considers various responses...

The sun will, as far as we know, be there as sure as day is light and we hope that we all do the right thing, or that our laws are in order.

Clever little write

good luck in the contest, my friend

much love

tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020

~ Light from a Black Hole ? ~ by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello there, Jan

These black holes are beyond our thinking and are named appropriately--- we know very little about them.

An interesting write

kind regards

tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020

FLASH Fire Drill by Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good morning, Eliabeth

This is the tale of many people who fall outside the mainstream and end up with feck all and less. A heartbreaking look into the window of those less fortunate than ourselves. It's easy to cast aspersions on others without knowing or understanding what lies beneath, but you write here from both perspectives which makes for a great read, but tragic end.

kind regards

tracey
Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020

Sequestered by Y. M. Roger

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good morning to you, Yvette

A most thoughtful write with a rather busy picture to accomodate.

When we are little, the world does feel eternal and full of magical promise, but alas, that forever feeling ebbs away the older we get and we realise there are no piles of gold at the end of a pretty rainbow...


kind regards

tracey

Comment Written by trimple on 16-Oct-2020


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