God Teaches Us Life!
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Writermom

Poisoned Medicines by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 23 of the book Itching Whispers

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Ah, you have no idea how I have missed your way with words. I know, I know. Dawn if you had any clue how to lick a stamp, you wouldn't have missed it. I am resisting the urge to slobber at your feet and apologize for being snail mail retarded...resisting, resisting...

I'M SORRY!!!!!

Actually, I have about three letters started, it's the making it to the envelope that is hard.
Wait, this square isn't about me?? Crap there goes my world view.
Ok seriously, this is great! I love it when you bend to your poetic side. As the editor of a never actually off the ground zine...ie I overestimated the hours I have in a day, it is better than most of what was submitted.
If I ever get myself off the proverbial pot, I want your stuff.
Comment Written by Writermom on 04-Aug-2008

One Of The Multitude Of Ways . . . by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 29 of the book Itching Whispers

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Wow all Nesch all the time. This is so right out of how many relationships? Well not out of the ones that don't have it figured out. What I love is that this is sooo universal, yet the wisdom you contain leaks out all over the place.
I love how your dialogue is so strong that it stands on its own, but it is just dialogue, I am in no way going to hit your writing here, as it stands, it is so much, but I would love to see it as more, you have the bones, I would like to see some flesh - take it away from the universal ( a bit) and give the characters life. You could leave it as the undefined him and her, but give them movement, pillow fights or something and take it to another realm, make it a complete world.
I know that some of your writing is all dialogue, and I love that, but I can't help wanting to see the naked scene raw and open for all to read- I'm rambling, must go take my pills.
Just my thoughts, fiddle with it and see if you like it, if not ignore me, what do I know?

tell Christine I said hi!!!!

Dawn
Comment Written by Writermom on 04-Aug-2008

Evaporate by 24chas

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Hey there!

Throw in some whiskey and I'd think it was Bukowski meets Bradsher.
The pain sucks, but I love what you do with it.

Glad I stopped by and saw this in my PM box!
Dawn :o)
Comment Written by Writermom on 20-Nov-2006

Waiting for a Dream by timesmistress

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Well, Tm, since we both know i have no concept of lonleiness, I'll have to judge this one on poetic merit instead of theme. Finished laughing yet? Good, now may we proceed? Ok, well I only see two things that you might want to look at.

S2L9- you might want to add by - I know it's a repition, but I keep expecting it to be there in the read.

S3 - the accidental rhyme in the first 2 lines of this stanza throws off the ear only because it is such a strong rhyme that it attracts unwanted attention away from the words.

Other than that, just more of the same great stuff from you milady. I enjoy how you can be romantic and not make it sound overwritten and poor romance novel-ish.

Nice,

Dawn :o)
Comment Written by Writermom on 02-Oct-2006

A Silly Little Love Story by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 126 of the book A Thousand Words About Nothin' Much

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It's official, you two make me sick. In a good way, but I still get that pukey feeling nonetheless.

cute story, lovey dovey cute - yet very Nesch.

And yes you are a dork.

Love ya both,

Dawn :)
Comment Written by Writermom on 02-Oct-2006

Brandywine Falls by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 14 of the book Wizard Of Roses

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cool 'ku dude and dudette.

Left to your own poetic defenses, it would have said something about the gut wrnching hike I'm sure. Glad she was there to help :o)


Hey there's a writer's group that meets in the place where you got married. I'm not sure if they only write about nature or if you know about it, but Martha mentioned something about it and then I found their infor in the poet's market...if you're interested let me know.


Dawn :o)


Comment Written by Writermom on 24-Sep-2006

The End by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 27 of the book Catharsis

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Cheesily happy? Of course you do and if you didn't I'd kick your Ace.

Closing the Cathartic cover - Cool, quite an accomplishment.

I don't know what to say, really. Cool poem - I love how short it is, because there really isn't much more to say, a true sign that it's real and not just hopeful closure.

Love the pop the pimple line too - I might steal it one day, hopefully.

Rock on with with your happy self and Mrs. Happy self.

Love ya,

Dawn :o)
Comment Written by Writermom on 16-Sep-2006

A faithful dog by god of Hog Squeal

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Hi there God of Hog Squeal,


I really liked the connection between Michael and his hunting dog. My grandfather had a beagle when I was younger and I swear they had a psychic connection. Hunting was so natural to both of them that they knew exactly what the other wanted. This was a good story, but I saw a few things that could be looked at in a re-write.

I really think the sentence For three hours he laid there.... is a stronger opening line than The pain had dissipated. I think that you could just put the third sentence first and tehn put the first two after it and continue. It's not often that senteces interchange that easily, but here it would work and I think hook the reader better from the get go.

In the paragraph that begins "Colter was an extension of himself." You used the name Colter 6 times. 4 of those occurrances are very close together. I would try to rewrite it using pronouns for a few of those to help with redundancy.

MMMM squirrel and dumplings - You just shot me right back to my grandparent's dining room table after a hunt :o)

Not tonight, Big Mamaw. Not tonight. His dog looked at him in the twilight, shook once and trotted off. He followed as best he could. He seemed to be getting stronger as he walked. (I believe "Not tonight..." should be italicized to show they are thoughts, you could put them in quotes with an I thought tag after, but I think italics would be more effective.

In the second to the last paragraph, "He could feel himself disolving or vaporizing or something" - I know he doesn't know exactly what is going on , but the or something doesn't add anything and took me out of the story for a second which isn't good that close to the end. I think it would be better if the sentence said something like " He could feel himself dissolving or somehow vaporizing (fadig away) and knew it was time to leave. - the or something just seemed like the writer didn't want to describe it any further, which I know wasn't the intent.

My only other comment on this story, is that you could take a look through and try to combine your senteces a bit. There are some that seem to chop up the read when they could be combined for a better flow through the piece.

Thanks for sharing this.

Dawn :o)


Comment Written by Writermom on 16-Sep-2006

Hooters and Such by DySaintDrama

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He lives, he breathes, he's starting to write again - Head for the hills!!!!

Daisy Jane - Good Song. Let's hope this September is good for you.

Your poetry has this quality that is so very you. The intelligence, wit and sarcasm are your signature.

I'm actually glad to see you're writing again, it's good for you and it makes me laugh- and that's what it's really all about right ;o)

You'll hit your stride, hopefully not the manic roar, but a growl now and then isn't bad.

Dawn :o)





Comment Written by Writermom on 15-Sep-2006

The Anger by Nescher Pyscher
Chapter 125 of the book A Thousand Words About Nothin' Much

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I agree. Most of the post 911 drivel makes me puke. I have been trying to write about where I was when I heard and watched, but I don't want it to be seen as taking anything from the real fact. People died - and that sucks.

The only thing that I would change in this,and I think it was psychologically easier to write it the way you did, is the word fell in the fifth paragaph. People jumped out of windows, deciding that death would be better than the one they faced.


We were all changed that day, but everyone should read Mick's account, I htink it should be required reading for all who want to write about it. It might rid us of some of the sap that just plays on emotion.

strong feelings on this topic ---me??

dawn


Comment Written by Writermom on 12-Sep-2006


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