Winds of Change in a Sea of Blue
Chapter 15 of the book The Spirit of the Wind
Your chapters are always so well-developed from beginning to end. Sounds like it was quite the celebration with the whole town there for a wedding festival. Roasted pig, pumpkin pie, and corn whiskey ought to be on any number of western celebration menus, ha. Only found a few tiny rough spots:
He'd planted his love in my heart, and as a young widow of only twenty, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
There is an antecedent problem that is easily fixed. That is to say, 'widow' comes before 'we' in the next clause. But the pronoun that would agree with 'widow' should be 'I' since it is Jane narrating in first person. One solution: After the word twenty, just add Jake's age in there as well (I can't recall his age, so I'll just guess 24), so:
He'd planted his love in my heart. As a young widow of only twenty, and Jake at age twenty-four, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
The wedding reception was a blended celebration and harvest time at our homestead. I think I would change 'and harvest time' to 'with harvest time' to show what the wedding was blended with.
A hired man from town played the fiddle from a wagon and the crowd herded and danced in circles.
I would insert a comma after wagon since you have two independent clauses there.
Tables were lined in rows where we had roasted pig, pumpkin pies, and Mr. Greeley's famous corn whiskey.
Just for the sake of breathing, I would insert a comma after rows.
A suggestion: Jake might develop one or more nicknames for Jane in the days to come. That way, you would avoid the too-frequent use of the sound "Ja--" in the action.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020