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CrystieCookie999

RIP Gayle

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This is quite the jab in a 5-7-5 epitaph for a romantic rival. It hints at possible foul play, too. I get the picture with someone after Ray, and possibly eliminating the wife, but I think you could possibly try another word other than 'viable' in the last line. I will just suggest: his once-living wife, Gayle.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Debbie Makes An Impression

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I think this is an interesting ending to a story that at first seemed to be about poor Debbie. I guess the dirty fingernails came from her auto shop activities, or that is to say, her motorcycle restoration activities. Nice job with younger characters in this little short-short.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Fall Deep into Autumn by Janice Canerdy

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This is both an acrostic and list poem, I think. I like the idea of a longer phrase Fall Deep Into Autumn spelled down. I caught some subtle personification in Nature as it lends less daylight to those of us who must borrow it. Nice share.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020

Bandit on Your Six by Manh C Dang

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This is a great point of view story. It seems to take place in one realm, but then there is a change of view in the last five sentences. Good action words and details in both parts. Thank you for sharing a heartwarming flash fiction story of young Jake.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020

Greater Implications by Y. M. Roger

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This is quite the intense blue composition here. Nice half-rhyme of wisps/unnoticed/midst. This is a good observation that small, solitary clouds can definitely seem less than noteworthy, but they have a symbolism known to themselves.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020

Winds of Change in a Sea of Blue by forestport12
Chapter 15 of the book The Spirit of the Wind

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Your chapters are always so well-developed from beginning to end. Sounds like it was quite the celebration with the whole town there for a wedding festival. Roasted pig, pumpkin pie, and corn whiskey ought to be on any number of western celebration menus, ha. Only found a few tiny rough spots:
He'd planted his love in my heart, and as a young widow of only twenty, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.
There is an antecedent problem that is easily fixed. That is to say, 'widow' comes before 'we' in the next clause. But the pronoun that would agree with 'widow' should be 'I' since it is Jane narrating in first person. One solution: After the word twenty, just add Jake's age in there as well (I can't recall his age, so I'll just guess 24), so:
He'd planted his love in my heart. As a young widow of only twenty, and Jake at age twenty-four, we took our vows with a wide-eyed view.

The wedding reception was a blended celebration and harvest time at our homestead. I think I would change 'and harvest time' to 'with harvest time' to show what the wedding was blended with.

A hired man from town played the fiddle from a wagon and the crowd herded and danced in circles.
I would insert a comma after wagon since you have two independent clauses there.

Tables were lined in rows where we had roasted pig, pumpkin pies, and Mr. Greeley's famous corn whiskey.
Just for the sake of breathing, I would insert a comma after rows.

A suggestion: Jake might develop one or more nicknames for Jane in the days to come. That way, you would avoid the too-frequent use of the sound "Ja--" in the action.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 28-Sep-2020

A Better Way (Harriet Tubman) by RGstar

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This is a great poem. I think there are some very strong lines, such as:
'How still the willows' and the contrast apparent in: "But no parting of waves, hounded and branded slave". What an amazing mural, too. Thank you for sharing this today.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 27-Sep-2020

The Search

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Very short story indeed. It reminds me of a few other unspeakable cases. I think I might change "Barns" to "Barnes" for a more common spelling of the last name. Also I think I would add a comma after Entering the basement in the second to last full sentence. Good luck in that contest.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 27-Sep-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Crying Time by LisaMay

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This is a well-crafted poem that points out the crumbling organization in several parts of the world. Caught the end rhymes of Listen/glisten and wailing/failing. A commentary on the state of disorder that seems to plague every country lately. Good luck in that contest!
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 27-Sep-2020

Scrambled Eggs by mermaids

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Great little free verse that points out even those of us who can't really cook can still get joy out of a messy omelette. The inclusion of 'wayward chickens' makes this reader smile, as if the eggs and chickens show up out of the blue, too.
Comment Written by CrystieCookie999 on 27-Sep-2020


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