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GaryCecil

I Cried by nassus1957

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i cried with their pain
the secrets that they all hide
and blind mothers knew
how a childhood was shaken
robbed by their drunken fathers

Wow this is really powerful and touching stuff. Great job!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 13-Aug-2013

An Adventure by Barb Hensongispsaca

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I wished that I could be elsewhere.
He let out a roar to finally scare.

As if to say, "come on, I dare".
So at that point I hurdled a chair.


HAHA Well this was great! Good job!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 13-Aug-2013

How F. Scott Fitzgerald Grew Up by amanda98653

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Perhaps we will see each other
Again tomorrow when you stop by
Your favorite coffee shop and then
We will small talk but I promise if you ever
Describe the figure of Aquarius again I would
Listen attentively to every word you pronounce
Unlike before

Hopefully you will!

Very good stuff here!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 13-Aug-2013

Pull Over by Righteous Riter

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It is certainly a shame when things like this happen. I do text and control my music from time to time, but I do it when I am not moving, At red lights/stop signs. The best practice is to surely leave it alone though because you never know what you might miss while trying to hit that wonderful send button.
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 13-Aug-2013

Footsteps on the Path by Jerry Rauhuff

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First off, I just want to let you know that I am here to help you by objectively reading your work, and expressing my thoughts and suggestions. They are in no way to harm you personally, in fact, they are to help you grow. The truth is everyone has opinions, and opinions can be wrong, or they can be exactly right. You know in your heart, your story, better than I ever will. Here are some things I feel you can improve upon, and things I enjoyed.


A great scene

"What the hell are you two doing out here?" the officer belted out while stepping from the car.

"Someone's chasing us," Lori cried and she pointed toward the path.

Frightened, the officer pulled his revolver and flashlight. "Get behind me," he said stepping toward the path.

"Don't go in there," Alex whispered. "There were gunshots earlier." -

Scenes like this work well. You painted a believable picture and i could visualize everything you said.





They knew it was a man. They knew he wasn't friendly. They knew the only thing to do was run, though their feet wouldn't let them. Their fear subsided just enough as the rustling continued and now they knew it was footsteps and they were coming closer, very quickly. -

I liked this part, but I think it would have been better to hear their internal thoughts of why they knew it wasn't a man, and how they knew the footsteps were getting closer. Just a suggestion though :)!

It seemed to be their lucky day for as they stepped onto the road,-

I would cut this part and just explain the headlights were approaching them. It's like the narrator is getting too far into the story, let the characters work the story like you do earlier on.

blues lights flashed from its top and the footsteps disappeared - blue*

Two minors ran from old dirt path reporting the suspect was chasing them."

- from an* old dirt path. Or if you meant Dirt Path was the name of the road, then capitalize like you did for the other street names.

You had moments of a good tale, but when I got to the ending, some major questions came up.

Okay, so if someone has been killing for years out in the woods, wouldn't the characters know about this? Not to say they would avoid going out there, because people do stupid crap all the time. But they don't even mention it in the beginning. So when they heard the noise, they should assume its the crazy Ed Gein. This is the part where you need to go back to the beginning and change it up a tad. You could keep it the same, and make the main characters travelers. That would help with them not knowing about all of the murders in the woods. There is a bit too much telling instead of showing in this as well. It is hard as heck to balance, I struggle with it too, trust me!

Keep up the writing. Hopefully my review has made you think differently about things. Like I said at the beginning its only a review against your words, and not a personal attack against you at all. I love horror and suspense! Any person writing about it, I already like! :)! Keep it up!





Comment Written by GaryCecil on 10-Aug-2013
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

I Am Just A River by cheyennewy

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This was fantastic!

I liked everything about this, down to the font and picture!

I own a voice profound but no one hears
and ever surging ripples come and go
But even time has lost its tone and ticks

I LIKED THIS ^^

Keep it up! :)!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 06-Aug-2013

There Is Adventure! by SteveY

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I like what you had to say about adventure. You had valid points expressed through clever writing!

Adventure leads you up and pulls you on
It lurks around the corner
It excites the human senses
And brings your life new order

GREAT ^^
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 06-Aug-2013

Lonely Hit Man by Louise Michelle

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lol THIS IS GREAT!

You know I saw the little hitman and already laughed when I opened this up in a new tab to read later. Sure enough, I get to the page and its you! The funny poem lady!

There once was a hit man named Bill
Whose scar face gave people a chill
He did his job well
One shot and they fell
For he had a quota to fill

GREAT ^^

Keep it up!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 06-Aug-2013

Dear 28 Year Old Self by DanielEkine

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I think you did wonderful! It was funny and interesting to see the look back upon the life of the character!

ear 15 year old, you love your OWN style and pose. You never follow the crowd.
Dear 16 year old self, glad you didn't succeed in leaving this world yet.

INTERESTING PARTS ^^
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 06-Aug-2013

The Invitation by rhonny

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I think your message was well-received!


Let Me ease the lonely burden
weighing heavy on your heart,
I will be the One who comforts
I have been here from the start.

Let Me be for you a beacon
guiding through the raging night,
I will reach out through the turmoil
drawing you into My light.


Keep up the great writing!
Comment Written by GaryCecil on 06-Aug-2013


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