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mfowler

Clouds floating free... by royowen

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

No-one writes poems about God quite like you do Roy. This is no exception. Wonderful rythm, good rhyming, and images painted from imagination, faith and Biblical knowledge. vs 1 took me straight to the place you are picturing and the flying creatures (I'm assuming past lives.) are introduced in vs 2:
where one will watch in awe transfixed
eternal creatures fly. ... I think that was very cleverly done and your use of older English really sets the mood.
In dreams I walk there striding strong
beside a timeless sea ... These strong evocative lines place the reader right there watching the central character in action.
They soar on wings of wisdom's truth,
God's awesome creatures fly.
There, past and future cannot dwell
where dreams can never die. ... A beautiful finish. The awe is present, the spiritual dimensions specific, the tone in perfect harmony.
I wish you well, my friend.
Comment Written by mfowler on 20-Jun-2018

tanka (on hillsides a lynx) by Gloria ....

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent poem, Gloria. You've stuck to the construction guidelines very well and maintained and eerie but effective visual and emotive tone. Terrific satori line -predator's searchlight- really brings the beginning and ending together well. Some lovely imagery eg a lynx watches birds fly past the moon, brings the scene alive. Only one thing made me question. The lynx compared to 'the lonely hunter like the cat' was a bit close in type, but it still works OK. All the best.
Comment Written by mfowler on 13-Jun-2018

Rhythms of Summer by visionary1234

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A lovely, well constructed poem. It's clearly written to a set rhythm which is cleverly maintained throughout. The topic is a sweet mesh of romantic hope and the movement of time and climate. Simple, yet fine to read. I liked this a lot:
Summer wanes, we two grow older
Days are dimmer, nights now colder
Soon will come the Autumn rains
We two grow older ... summer wanes.
There's a distinct change in direction as the earlier references shift to the acknowledgement of change, yet keep the hope ... 'We two grow older ... summer wanes.

Nicely written and it's good to see my St Aidan's friend still on show. Sorry the review's thin on the ground. My brain isn't working so well any more.
Comment Written by mfowler on 12-Jun-2018

Your Heart Lives On by Gloria ....

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

http://www.fanstory.com/mymessages.jsp
A beautiful sonnet, Gloria. Very well constructed and easy to read out loud to beat. The atmosphere is excellent and created in the right places. The contrast between the dark, reflective but harmonising graveyard to the more imposing demands of real life in the city is captured very well in the imagery developed. The final pair of lines add a surprising energy to the poem and really make the reader think. Very well done.
Regards
Mark
Comment Written by mfowler on 09-May-2018

Gathering My Thoughts by Gloria ....

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This work has reached the exceptional level

This leaves a thought-filled and personally inclined moment in the reader's mind. You are automatically drawn to the aloneness and natural beauty of the forest as the poet talks of 'roaming', 'turning... weathered stones', and 'gathering... thoughts'. Great placement of key verbs. Once place and action are established the deeper thoughts of life/death, personal philosophy, and the significance of things etc are subtly added. Nice pace established and the significance of the message is given time to evolve. Good fortune.
Comment Written by mfowler on 25-Mar-2018

Enemies are people too... by royowen

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I don't review often now, but if a poem is as well thought out and constructed as well as this I am happy to say "CONGRATULATIONS!". You've really captured the essence of Christ's love in this. Jesus said it, and yet I hear what you imply. Of course the enemy is no different from our own family, 'our people'. We should appreciate their lives, their losses, their family's grief. Our prayers and thoughts and actions would follow. The message unfolds in logically constructed verse moving at a pace even my tired brain absorbed. The beat and rhythm of the words you've chosen are particularly good making the poem particularly effective.
Comment Written by mfowler on 09-Mar-2018

Love conceived... by royowen

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This work has reached the exceptional level

Lovely, uplifting and deeply personal write, Roy. Clearly written from deep faith and true belief in God's ways, you've both described your own understanding of how you were made and how you're attended, and meaningfully or accidentally, described what it can be like for all. Beautiful metaphors and images bring this alive.
As love's conceived within frail flesh,
in vessels shaped in clay;
the master sculptor's skilful hands
will style and mould my day. ... I read this and I felt it deeply. Stylish, sincere and well crafted.
As God gives order to my life
completely undeserved,
His grace and love's my anchor -- though --
a paradox unfurled. ... In such a short poem, to so fully describe relationship, ceativity and creative love, is wonderful.
Comment Written by mfowler on 25-Feb-2018

Can you tell me...? by royowen

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I felt the passion in this from the first word. Beautifully constructed, you ask what we're worth and then mid poem you tell us we're 'everything' because God sent His only son to be with us:
But I know this, that man is worth,
Like nothing that belongs on earth.
He sent His Son to die for man
Indeed your value's Heaven's span. (Everything)
This part really opened my eyes and ears to where we belong in God's love and plans for us.
Great verifying too, Roy. You captured the essence of the poem and took command of the reader's feelings from word one.
(My song)
I do not care where pathways lead
nor do I fear that satan seed.
And though the clouds bring winter gales,
His loving grace can never fail. .....This is a powerful and absorbing way to close.
Comment Written by mfowler on 10-Feb-2018

Tanka # 2/9 (Winter Olympics) by Pantygynt
Chapter 2 of the book Winter Olympic Tanka

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi
Lovely poem. You've followed the guidelines set out below very clearly except for the alliteration use. I know they're allowed sparingly so I'll leave it at that. Here they actually keep the language strong and poetic. The construction is excellent with the third line providing both external interest in lines one and two, and emotive connection to the final lines. Your attention to grammar and and clever word combinations eg 'grace and pace ons now and ice' give the poem extra pizzazz and ensure a smooth ride for the reader. Hope your readers enjoy this.
Regards
Mark
Comment Written by mfowler on 10-Feb-2018

Buhler - 30, October 6, 2008 by Gloria ....

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This work has reached the exceptional level

A wonderful poem, Gloria. This collection of thoughts both humble and domestic, and deep and poltically relevant, took my mind all over the place as I worked out the trail.

There's a German man wearing a shirt with enough detail to have a bombing stopped, yet till he actually climbs aboard and detonates his device noone knows what he is thinking. Watching innocently enough is a Canadian woman making sense from what she sees. It's an historic park with icons all about, not least the statue of 'peacenik' Ghandi. Even author, Virginia Woolf, is offered space as Tavistock's librarian from decades earlier. But, the author writes on about Americans and their assorted pleasures, about artistic significance of English parks and statues, about what she can wear that night.

You have to read this multiple times to read the immediate, focus on the specifics, and think, 'Oh hell, she could have stopped it.' And yet we know she couldn't.

That clever cross pollenation of roving thoughts, gathered reflections and expanding mind set draw the reader in and invite hurried and speculative response, yet the poet has kept the balance of memory, moment in time and historical happenng in a perfect swirl.

We are the author, the Americans, the German... all there, but not. Terrific use of language throughout; at times highly damatic, at others soft and reflective. I loved the mix of rhyme and non rhyme which floated beautifully throughout.

Regards
Mark
Comment Written by mfowler on 05-Feb-2018


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