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Michaelk

I'm trying to take it with me by Earl Corp
Chapter 1 of the book OMG I wrote a poetry book

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Very nice. This poem reminds me of my own overflowing attic.
Reading this was like a trip through my early adulthood up to present day.
I was especially impressed when you rhymed Afghan.
Nice rhymes, very accessible theme, great poem.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 22-Apr-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Mac and Stanly by MCLII1987

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It was an interesting opening scene with an intriguing premise. I'm just not sure it delivered. The dialogue seemed stilted, not very natural.
I did get a chuckle out of the last line though.

Stanley says 'What's this for?' But doesn't mention what 'this' is.


"At lest then you only traveled" least?
Comment Written by Michaelk on 22-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part thirteen by F. Wehr3

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This work has reached the exceptional level

Very interesting. A lot going on in a short period of time as usual. I expected Cardoren to be upset with Tawney, and the 'I want to talk with you.' was expected. It seems that mishaps follow when Cardoren discovers Tawney with Naiils. The wine bottle was quite a surprise. Poison or acid? Who was it really intended for?
Excellent cliffhanger ending to this chapter.

"Maybe, it had been his want" I don't think you need a comma there.

Comment Written by Michaelk on 21-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part twelve by F. Wehr3

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Interesting twist. This chapter went almost too fast for all that happened within it. The carriage drivers barely given any notice or remorse. The attack over almost before it began. The screams lasted well into the night.
It seems like slowing down and adding a little more detail would create more tension. By the time I was done thinking about the driver, Naiils was torturing the last attacker and the chapter was over.

"Perhaps, he was right. Afterall," split after and all.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 21-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part eleven by F. Wehr3

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An interesting twist that I'm looking forward to seeing Naiils explain to her father.
Another good chapter, but not sure why she's throwing herself at him like this.
Maybe this is some sort of bizarre test.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 21-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part ten by F. Wehr3

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Another great chapter.
I was a little hesitant of the letter in the beginning. It seems too forward, almost like she's throwing herself at him.
I was also curious when Lou gave him the knives. Then when she changed the destination, I guessed that there would be a reason for him to have them. I'll have to wait until next chapter to see if I'm right.

"Tawny was dressed in the same one she'd worn the night the spider interrupted them," I would go with 'Tawney wore the same dress she had the night the spider interrupted them,' 'dressed in the same one' is a little confusing.
"Her smile was warm, welcoming, and inviting." I'd pick either welcoming or inviting.

Comment Written by Michaelk on 07-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part nine by F. Wehr3

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Another solid chapter. Your chapters play out very well like mini episodes. I get just enough from each one to make me hungry for the next.
I liked the description of Nialls' war history and how he became used to it.
This story is also unique in that we barely ever see or hear from the captain. Most pirate stories I've seen focus almost exclusively on the captain. Nice job in giving the crew their time in the spotlight.

"The sound the man's eyeball made once it burst from the skull and plopped onto the stone floor. In his dreams, he heard the sound over and over again, like a wet rag slapping against the floor." Floor twice in two sentences sounds odd. Maybe you could change one of them.

"I thought of telling the tailor to buy me a drink first." Awesome line. :)
Comment Written by Michaelk on 07-Apr-2019

The Southern Seas part eight by F. Wehr3

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Wow! That was quite a way to end the chapter. I would've thought you would mention the prisoner screaming in agony at having his eyes plucked out.
I liked the subtle looks that Nialls and Tawny keep sending to each other. It keeps me curious what she wants to ask him.

'The sweet embrace of sleep taunted him as the long boat skimmed across the water, and he started as the boat bumped against the dock.' I think this would've been better as two sentences.

'Underhill Tavern' do I see a subtle Lord of the Rings reference?

'The water rippled at a faster pace, and it became clear there was something in the water.' I'd try to eliminate one 'water' in this sentence. Two just seems redundant.

Another good chapter. Can't wait for the next one.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 24-Mar-2019

Home Cooking by F. Wehr3

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Wow! What a great flash fiction story. You nailed it in such a short time. Having the girl not touch the eggs didn't even come across as the hint that it was.
There's only one thing that threw me in this story.
'Sorry, some memories linger.' seemed out of place. It jarred me a bit and I had to stop and think who was talking.
Just a small hiccup in an otherwise excellent story.
Well done. I hope you win the contest.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 17-Mar-2019

The Southern Seas part seven by F. Wehr3

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That was an awesome turn from the standard first encounter, not at all what I expected. The spider was a stroke of genius, especially with how they ended up and having Cardoren walk in just then. It was a classic sitcom maneuver. However, with the ending, I'm sure it's not going to turn up in a laugh.
Nice to end the chapter up in the air like that.
I saw no grammar nits. As usual, this chapter flowed smooth as glass.
Comment Written by Michaelk on 17-Mar-2019


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