What she knew Part 1
very nice first part here. I've been hoping you'd take on a longer piece to see what you can with this. it's a perfect stopping point and the story develops well.
The previous evenings booze-fueled events- evening's, I think.
The transition from his initial perceptions to the reality in the opening paragraphs is very well done.
small wafts of steam coming off my clothes. The words on the menu wafted in and out of view, - I think I'd go for drifted or swam for the second usage of waft/wafted to avoid the near repetition.
her smile faded slightly. Her eyes seemed to shimmer, and then they rolled slightly - there's a sight tendency to rely on adverbs and they tend to come close together. Also, be careful of using the same ones.
I said, rubbing my hands on my trouser. - trousers.
"I'm Chris, her friend from, um, Scotland." - she called him Tim, but he thinks he's Andy, so this must be an inadvertent name change.
Comment Written by giraffmang on 17-Nov-2019