Rip Van Winkle (part I of II)
Unique. I have read your part two, your just put out tonight but needed to come back to this.
I don't know if I can critique it properly, beyond some tech suggestions below without going on to Part 2.
Alas, the Chenobyl times whatever is for real, it was not held off. Whatever lies we have been told since.
Anyhow. I shall read on. That's my last six,until Sunday.
Know you can get angst about run on's, but suggest a comma, para one. when her father was at the table writing, in commas.
Suggest another one too, -one after her graduate studio
and a couple more. Another one after the three story house and another after Camp Randall Stadium.
I know by now, that you like, long, flowing uninhibited sentences. In which case your attention to, and alliance with, the humble comma purrhaps become vital.
the side away from Camp Randall (comma)
100 ideas now
a hundred? or at least a 100
From a quick glance (comma)
black smock (comma)
Comma or hallucinated she could see comma
For God's sakes - do you want that a capital or not? I imagine you likely do not, bit I indicate the convention.
I do think more comma attention is required. I can see you going into the alternative forms of punctuation with the - and the . .. I think these work. But your commas need attention. Losing all form, is no form.
You would not agree that spelling everything wrong was cool, so thus your punctuation must become increasingly sophisticated as you attempt to break form/moulds.
Comment Written by Cat of Letters on 28-Apr-2015