My Comments

Bellona's Flame by Janilou
Chapter 30 of the book Jirvania

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well written chapter. Good pacing. Broad storyline. Easy to understand what occurs throughout the posting. Length was appropriate for the story being told. Strong emotions displayed.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Nov-2019

Love Concurs All by Mistydawn
Chapter 16 of the book Pushed Too Far

Excellent

Seems some loose threads may have been left dangling, such as the explanation by "Barry" about how he avoided going to jail. May wish to reconsider and have another chapter detailing these issues.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Nov-2019

kyoka (bedroom door squeaks) by dejohnsrld (Debbie)

Excellent

Strong rhymes throughout. Old houses do possess personalities of their own. The unique personality of this one is clearly produced in this well crafted poem. Interesting style.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Nov-2019

Ron The Snooty Trash Man by EricDaGoose

Excellent

Touch of humor thrown in for good measure in this simply worded poem about a trash man. His personality is defined in the first stanza, especially his greed.

That theme is continued in the second stanza with the words "snide" and "rude".

In the third stanza his arrogance shines forth in his refusal to do his job and take the trash.

Then, in the next to last stanza he relents and does his job for the one thing that motivates him...his pay.

Finally, in the last stanza you change the POV to first person and confess your desire for cash (or in this case it appears according to your notes anyway, sixes)

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Nov-2019

Zoe and The Zebra by Flyaway1

Excellent

Goes to show sometimes a person doesn't know who their real friends are until someone else makes them see the truth, in this case that's all the zebra wanted to be; Zoe's friend. All's well that ends well. Cool story in a poem.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 15-Nov-2019

In a way by oliver818

Excellent

The protagonist is a female serial murderer. Quite a unique line of work for women. That adds more interest to the story. Good tension throughout the telling. Well done.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 15-Nov-2019

What the world needs by the13thpoet

Excellent

Love can indeed be elusive and hard to find. However, when one does it is the most valuable treasure of all. Should make a good entry for this contest.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 14-Nov-2019

The Sanctuary Lights by papa55mike

Excellent

Nothing wrong with establishing your own unique format. How many others on this site have done so over the years? No reason to be clean when one approaches God, in fact the opposite is more true. Well done.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 14-Nov-2019

Wise Eyes by Bill Schott

Excellent

If one suggestion may be offered, perhaps reconsider and take the spacing out between the lines. So true, a smart man knows how ingenious women are. Well done.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 14-Nov-2019

Scene at a Seed Spitting Contest by Bill Schott

Excellent

Very interesting scene. The lingo adds another dimension to this humorous script. Appears Plan 9 has other thoughts in mind besides a watermelon seed spitting contest, like destroying a certain "revolving orb of refuge". (BTW, good description of the earth). Well done.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 14-Nov-2019