My Comments

Moving On Up by BethShelby
Chapter 13 of the book Remembering Yesterday

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-In Background "husbands" should be husband's

-In paragraph two "to small town" should be to a small town

-In paragraph four "for a interview" should be for an interview

-In paragraph 5 "other that local county fair" should be other than a local county fair / "arm around to" should be arm around me to /"that in would" should be that it would

-In paragraph six "got really got" should be really got

--In paragraph 8 "there,we" should be there, we

-In paragraph 12 "in a pushed" should be and pushed

-In paragraph 14 "in nicer" should be in a nicer. / "in might mean" should it might mean. / "weeks" should be week's. / "afford of it's" should be afford its

-Seems this posting was ended without a complete sentence?

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that offers assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Feb-2020

The Fisherman's Son-Forty-Nine by Ulla
Chapter 49 of the book The Fisherman's Son

Excellent

-In the sixth paragraph "what quite" would read better as quite what

-"When Lorenzo had returned to his room, the previous night" is passive voice. Perhaps: The previous night when Lorenzo had returned to his room (active voice).

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Feb-2020

Murmurations of the Heart by Y. M. Roger

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

Really like this poem and the message contained therein. Sometimes it is indeed the softness of a whisper that provides the most solace. Could easily see this win the contest.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Feb-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Mixed Ramble No 1 For 2020 by Sankey

Excellent

Appreciate the update. Seems you have a large load of things happening at the moment. Bet walking would be difficult. Keep me posted on how things progress.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Feb-2020

What a Night!!! by Shirley McLain

Excellent

_Being screamed at like that would be enough to wake anyone up, frightfully. At least they took the time to call you. Someone else may not have.

-Tornados are one of the most devastating events in nature. Have seen them completely exploded a house and leave nothing in their wake.

-"One never knows" is present tense, maybe to keep the whole piece part tense: )ne never knew

_Interesting choice, either face the tornado or the scorpions. Either way, you are caught up in a nightmare.

-High tension is maintained in the action throughout the piece.

-Hand-counted 100 words, so meets that requirement of the contest.

-My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 17-Feb-2020

Smokey and Heather's Game Plan by judiverse

Excellent

--Isn't that just like kids to try to play one parent against the other?

"We do, of course" is passive voice. Perhaps Of course we do, (would make it active voice)

-So, their plan did not quite result in the way they wanted it to.

-Captures the essence of this scene well.

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang. (I now place this comment on all my reviews).

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 16-Feb-2020

Free Verse Journaling by Bill Pinder
Chapter 4 of the book Dalton's World

Excellent

-Journaling thoughts and feelings can be cathartic.

-"until I became one" should this be until I become one?

-His anger and despair shine forth.

-As illustrated by the dog comparison so does his insanity.

-Kind of reminds of The Pit and The Pendulum.

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that provides assistance and or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 16-Feb-2020

Dimensions, a Nightmare by Marjon van Bruggen

Excellent

The mind can certainly be creative when someone tries to sleep and no matter what good he thinks he sees, it turns into something bad. Can make you wonder where such notions come from.

Story would read more clearly if it was formatted into paragraphs instead of one continuous paragraph. Maybe make each scene he observes its own paragraph.

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that offers assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 16-Feb-2020

My Being Knows You by Y. M. Roger

Excellent

Poem captures the essence that it is not words that necessarily attract two people together but actions, which as the adage says, speak much louder.

It is also through actions people demonstrate how much they care about someone else.

Especially for Valentine's Day that is the sort of feeling people enjoy the most.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 16-Feb-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Learning Our Roles in Marriage by BethShelby
Chapter 12 of the book Remembering Yesterday

Excellent

-First paragraph demonstrates although you did not consider yourself a cook you found ways to make do.

-Cooking Tupperware would be a unique way to flavor food. Good thing nosy landlady appeared on the scene.

-Paragraph 3 "he visits" should be The visits

-Someone who wants to check your laundry needs to be carefully watched.

-Paragraph 4 "firghtened" should be frightened

-Paragraph 5 would read better if you changed from passive voice and began the paragraph with "Another couple lived"

-Also in Paragraph 5 "we don't need get involved" should be we don't need to get involved

-A doctor like that should lose his license.

-Paragraph 9 "I'm didn't question" should be I didn't question

My reviews are mere suggestions. Feel free to use anything that offers assistance and/or chuck the whole shebang.

Comment Written by Brett Matthew West on 15-Feb-2020