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Judgement Dave

My Wife, The Airline Stewardess by DragonSkulls

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very good, enjoyable story, fitting an excellent twist into a very limited word count.

BTW - a typo you spelled 'their' as 'their'.

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 02-Aug-2015
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Kiss and Crackle Me by visionary1234

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Enjoyed this.
Particularly liked the thunder giants and loved the lightning-like layout.

Congratulations on your contest win.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 02-Aug-2015

Mama's Chair by mountainwriter49
Chapter 28 of the book 2015

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A lovely memorial to your mum that I enjoyed reading.

The haiku perfectly fit with the first section of prose and 'Life rocks' was inspired.
The tanka and second prose block was sad and moving, very effective.

Well done - sure your mum would be proud of the loving and skilful way you remember her here.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 02-Aug-2015

kyoka (lively detasselers) by mumsyone

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed this, my first introduction to kyoka. I went off and read a little on the form and think I can see (at least some of) the characteristics of the structure in this poem.
Nice final 2 lines (shimo-no-ku?) that made me smile.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015

haiku (where green trees) by Gypsy Blue Rose
Chapter 2 of the book 2015 Haiku

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

An interesting haiku that's perfectly formed.

Considered in isolation, for me, the middle line captures an almost sensual feeling of the Mediterranean (or similar environments).

Good luck in the voting.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

haiku (vast parched lands) by scd41

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good haiku on drought. Seems to meet all contest criteria well.
Especially liked the satori line.

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015

Out of Water by TAB_that's me

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

First haibun you've written and the first I've read, so I can't really comment on any technicalities.

I really liked that mix of haiku & poetic prose, both parts worked well individually and together as the haibun.

Particularly enjoyed the phrase 'kaleidoscope of people'.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015

So Will I by I am Cat

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I liked this with it's interesting formatting of what are (pretty much) rhyming couplets.

Particularly liked the 'whirring sound'/brain lines and (reformatting it):
If I had to start again right now I don't think that I could...
Life was never perfect, but you know... It was good.

Bit of a niggle over the word 'tired' at the very start though. Do you just mean there's a tiredness/weariness in your body or something else? If it is a tiredness, why not say that? 'Tired' doesn't work for me in the sentence for all meanings I'm aware of, and if it's the wrong word being used poetically, then it doesn't scan right for me. Only bit of a niggle, but coming in the first few words and having to reread a few times and still not being certain of the meaning, it nearly stopped me progressing through the rest of the poem.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015

haiku (lightning strike) by IndianaIrish

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nice little haiku. Certainly fits in the syllable count & topic. As far as I can tell that counts fine for the 2 lines of concrete imagery and a satori line.
Might be worth changing the title to 'lightning strike' though as the contest states the title should be the first line - and not haiku(first line) as many contests are. Wouldn't want you to be disqualified on such a minor infringement!

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015

True Story: Three Billy Goats Gruff by JourneyHolm

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A great retelling and alternate side of the 3 Billy Goat Story - most fun to read.

Really enjoyed the rhyming dialogue and the line "I remember the day my wife made an honest troll out of me."

Good luck in the contest.

Cheers
JD
Comment Written by Judgement Dave on 01-Aug-2015


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