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June Estep Fiorelli

Act I: The Enigma Begins by Jay Squires
Chapter 1 of the book Harry: A Parenthetical Enigma

Exceptional
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Hi Jay, Long time off site. I really like this. I love the weird humor and the banter, though a cautionary note: be careful you don't get carried away. Though the dialogue is great, some action will be required soon. At least I would interrupt with a view of the office workers at once more, particularly when Kincade reveals the job offer in his youth, along with the revelation about the chief's daughter. Surely the co-workers are hearing this juicy information for the first time. A reaction is required, I think.
Couple of picky things: Sentence beginning with "Retrieving...." there's an extra US.
I think you mean "device" not "devise". Spell Check wouldn't catch that.
Good start with the new Harry. June
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 30-Oct-2016

Forgiveness by tfawcus

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Once again you've arranged your words in ways that fascinate. It is magic. And, in spite of the playfulness, you make your meaning clear. You learned so much way up there in those clouds. Great job!
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 28-Oct-2016

Angel Voices by MissMerri
Chapter 42 of the book

Excellent
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Congratulations for keeping to the rule of 8 syllables and using rhyme that fits well without forcing. I appreciate that. One word bothered me: load. To me, it does not fit the poetic mood of this poem. I suggest ..."the weight of care." as one alternative. I feels softer and keeps the syllable count intact. Perhaps there are other, better words. I hope you'll experiment with my suggestion. Nice job.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 28-Oct-2016
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Halloween mascots by Neonewman

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Nice job. I never thought of pumpkins being disemboweled, but your choice of words is most appropriate for the weirdness of the season. I also like your use of the mascot analogy, though I am trying to wrap my brain around your exact meaning. Did you mean they symbolize the season, or that we love them and adopt them as a pet. Not sure. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Siberian Husky by ScarBundy

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Loved it. It brought a big smile. In seventeen syllables, you have captured the entire story: the adorable pup; the mess it leaves; and the burden on you, the owner. Still, though you are left with the burden, it's clear you're very willing to accept it because of the adorable source. A fun read.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Autumn Leaves by WintyBoy

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You've written a powerful poem. I felt moved by it, which is a poem's purpose. I think you could work a bit on the rhythm to smooth it without diminishing its intent. Occasionally you have reached a bit to accomplish your rhyme. With a little bit of writer's sweat, that can be remedied...there is always a way if you search for it.
Have you thought of incorporating some of your explanation into the body of the poem. I found some of your thoughts there so interesting.
Thanks for sharing your poem. Great job. I seldom award 6 stars, so a pat on the back to you.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Quite Contrary by Kelly2
Chapter 2 of the book Chronicles of a Maid and Mary

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Sorry, but I feel this piece is mislabeled. I am generally thought to have a good sense of humor, but I did not find humor in this. It is not because I am prudish about making fun of one's mother; it just didn't bring a laugh or even a smile. I am sad to be so negative, but I think the subject could be interesting with a different approach. Have you thought of writing this from a more serious viewpoint? Surely, if you lived through such painful experiences, there is a minefield to develop from your situation. You have survived in spite of it, which is admirable. People would be very interested in hearing your story in a more serious way.
I agree that often, in difficult times, humor takes some of the pain away. I just don't feel it worked this time. Please try this another way. Good luck.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Silence Crumbles by Maureen's Pen

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There are some compelling phrases here, poignant and heart rending. One feels the pain of the author's (the I) grief. However, I am not sure how to interpret the "her" who has left or died, I assumed. Did she win by leaving? I feel the winning should be a little clearer. Or, perhaps I am just dense. I loved the ending: "...into life;s manuscript of hope.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Choices by DonandVicki

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Many of us know people who see only the dark side of life. You have challenged the reader to reflect on his/her own life. What philosophy do we follow? Will our garden be filled with bright colors or mangy weeds? All this is captured with an economy of words that are meaningful while adhering to the demands of the contest. Well done..
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 27-Oct-2016

Just Drive by jlsavell

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I love the strong images along your highway. Some phrases stood out for me: "...snapshots from my cerebral cortex..."; ...."old tire swings..."; "...straight and narrow is delusional..."
In verse 8, did you mean to repeat be? As in "...would it be...be to forge a path..." Just wondering.
I'd probably be listening to opera, then Willie Nelson as I neared my destination, but it seems we are both pragmatists about just doing it.
Comment Written by June Estep Fiorelli on 05-Sep-2016


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