Chapter 1 of the book Longing For The Glare
No problem here with your construction sentences and paragraphs.
In short story writing, consider starting strong with action. Your story starts with a summary, and info-dump if you will, describing your attractive protagonist. Consider making it active; for example, perhaps she is standing in front of a mirror looking at herself and the description becomes an interior monologue; or maybe she's comparing herself to a magazine model, or even a picture she had seen of the doctor's wife--something that changes your start from passive to active. Maybe she touches herself and you lay in a fantasy that shows the doctor. I'm sure you've heard the adage: Don't tell, show! How much of the first half of your story is in tell mode?
What is the crisis here? Does she have a personal tipping point? Anesa gives herself over to her desires, but she has already decided (tipped) she has the hots for the doctor and would if she could. Maybe she's worried about being 35, beautiful, and frigid. Something...
There is tension and anxiety. This is good. Did you purposely choose not to use dialogue? You might consider using dialogue (friend, receptionist, telephone--lot's of possibilities) as a device to develop the tension instead of just telling us about it. Maybe you start the story showing us Anesa dressing and choosing provocative clothing.
I like the erotic portion of the story. I think you could stretch the timeline there if you wanted--show us more. Involve all the senses. Maybe there is a close call with one of the nurses in the office finding them. It's the best part. So why not make the climax longer?
I enjoyed your story. Keep up the good work! Best regards, BobFox
Comment Written by Robert Louis Fox on 07-May-2016