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WalkerMan

Faith by Katie Thomas1

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Your poem certainly is an expression of faith -- in this case, of a person mistakenly buried alive, who wakes up in the dark casket with "Dirt and earthworms above" and decides to wait for rescue rather than panic.

At one time, some people were buried with a cord in the casket, which, if pulled, would ring a bell on a post beside the mound of earth above. This was done because people in a coma sometimes were mistaken for dead.

Though such horrid errors are less likely now, nothing is impossible; so your post is plausible.

In reality, at that depth it is unlikely that any amount of screaming or banging on the inside of the casket would be heard. Deciding to wait with eyes closed might permit drifting off to sleep as the remaining oxygen wanes, leading to a far gentler real demise than a panicked person yelling and thrashing around would have.

In just nine lines, you conveyed the essence of the situation superbly.

Keep writing, as this post is a good start.

Meanwhile, I recommend you read some of the best posts here by clicking on the "READ" button in the ribbon with the FanStory logo, then choose "Stand Out Writing" and select "All Time Best" to get the category list. Click on any category of interest, and you'll see posts from those rated best on down.

Also, look at the Portfolio of each of your reviewers, and reciprocate for the review that writer gave you by reviewing something of his or hers.

In this way, you will build friendships and even attract Fans who will read and review a lot of what you write, as well as vote for some of your posts in contests. Just be aware that most of us are Fans of many other writers too, which could affect voting choices; so don't let any contest results upset you. Losing a contest is better than being buried alive, as you always can try again in another. :)) -- Mike
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 22-Jan-2020

You by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a splendid tribute both to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his dream of focus on a person's character rather than outward appearance, and to those today who live that dream in their hearts, minds, and actions.

My father taught me this attitude a quarter century before Dr. King's famous speech; and one of many reasons for my choice of marriage partner, several years before his speech, was that it was her view too.

We must never let the haters of this world divide us into easily manipulated splinter groups on the basis of appearance or other factors irrelevant to a person's inner worth.

You express the key points concisely in this aptly illustrated poem, and the "Ebony and Ivory" video completes this superb package.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 21-Jan-2020

Pride and Syllable by Sally Law

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yes, one duty of a true friend is to try to keep a friend from making a mistake -- especially a costly one. That's what "designated drivers" are for. Accordingly, this humorous dialog is plausible as possibly occurring in person between friends who both are FanStory members. Hence, the ultimate threat is fewer than five stars in a review. Well done, and aptly illustrated.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 20-Jan-2020

What The Blind Girl Saw Epilogue by Sally Law
Chapter 32 of the book What The Blind Girl Saw

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is a superb Epilogue to a fascinating story soon to be published at Amazon as the first novella of a series, in both Kindle and paperback form. I am most pleased to have helped with technicalities along the way, and appreciate your kind praise for those efforts. It is a delight to have seen how you progressed to this point in your new writing career, and I cherish the friendship I now enjoy with both you and Jackson.

Here you satisfactorily bind all the loose ends of the many threads in this story, as well as whet readers' appetites for the ones to follow.

What I like most about this story is that it is far more than a "Good versus Evil until Good Triumphs" tale, as most readers of crime stories expect, but rather a deeply emotional tour through the little-known history behind the many characters involved in the various twists of its fast-paced, non-stop action.

From this and your other story series, plus your fine poetry, you have proven yourself worthy of whatever honors you earn, including just becoming FanStory Number One Author as well as Number One Short Story Writer. Congratulations, my good friend. Brava!
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 19-Jan-2020

Baby I'm Not Innocent Anymore by kiwigirl2821

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Somehow I missed this one when it was new, but it is still worth my time and the extra star while I have it. You expressed the essence and anguish of a lopsided relationship superbly here.

Everyone craves love, but not everyone can focus sufficient attention, time, and energy on the other person involved. Clearly, this poem is narrated by that other person, and the resultant thoughts and feelings are exactly what happens when the one less engaged is still loved, admired, and desired by the other.

The anguish of separation is at peak when you feel that "the only gift [you] had to give" was yourself -- and somehow that wasn't enough.

You are wise not to descend into blame and bitterness, as that only poisons YOU. You are also wise to remember what was good, and what you learned from the rest; but that knowledge is useful ONLY if it keeps you from making the same mistake next time -- in this case, choosing a partner whose primary focus is not on what you can be together, but actually on his own goals -- with or without you.

Having only yourself to give is NOT a flaw. Not being able to accept such open generosity and cherish the giver is.

I firmly believe that it is possible to love deeply more than once in a lifetime. A person's capacity to love CAN expand to accommodate a new love -- NOT to replace an old love, but to add new love without rejecting or totally forgetting the past.

You are absolutely right that "life is not living without love" -- it is only marking time until dark. If the love you are offering is not sufficiently returned, treasure the good moments in memory, but don't stay there in frustration. True love is about mutual giving. That is the ONLY kind of love that continues to grow without end.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 19-Jan-2020

Trashing Trump by Robert Zimmerman

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

In this well-written ballad-style poem, you list and comment on many of the major players in the hate-Trump game.

Foreign governments against him clearly are frustrated by his steadfast policy of keeping his promise to defend America from all external enemies.

Domestic Democrats and news media fear his efforts to expose the reality of their many years of unmitigated corruption, ceaseless lies to both the American people and the world, and even outright acts of treason (such as siding with our nation's enemies, proving that their hatred of Trump supersedes doing their official work on behalf of the American people).

Possibly the worst aspect is that hatred breeds only more hatred, and eventually instigates violence that only more violence can counter.

We'll be living in increasingly dangerous times until such hatred is defused, reversed, or outright suppressed.

Superb, and amusingly illustrated.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 18-Jan-2020

Patent Leather Shoes by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Thank you for sharing this heartwarming story of the lasting effect of an act of kindness bestowed on you when it most mattered.

Your father's alcohol addiction had caused him to walk away when you were only four, leaving your mother struggling to keep you fed, sheltered, and clothed. Yet, rather than let envy of those better off bring you to hate them, you befriended Karel simply to help her overcome shyness, which she clearly appreciated.

When Karel invited you to visit her home, she could not have anticipated that her caring father would invite you to accompany them on a trip to buy clothes at the new mall in town.

The white patent leather shoes you saw and instantly loved cost twenty dollars (likely at least double that today) -- a week's groceries for your family. Yet, Mr. Redding, seeing your disappointment as you put them down, requested a fitting for you from the salesman.

While waiting, he could not have missed how sincerely you complimented his daughter.

Then he personally helped you try them on, saw how well they fit and the joy on your face until you remembered the price, and bought them for you.

Perhaps it was a trivial expense to him at the time, or maybe the cost mattered less to him than what he could read in your eyes.

The lasting effect was just as he hoped. As you said, you "felt loved and confident" each time you wore them -- enough to enter the school talent contest and win second place with your singing. That he stood with your mom at the back of the auditorium and clapped for you must have been one of the high points in your life, as you remember it so clearly.

Superb.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 17-Jan-2020

Come, Tears of Heaven by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

In keeping with the concept that rain is tears shed by God, this heartfelt prayer for relief in Australia from recent devastating brush and forest fires is beautiful in its six-word simplicity.

Superb, and aptly illustrated.

For the sake of all involved -- human, animal, or vegetation -- may this prayer be answered continually until the fires are out.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 15-Jan-2020

Open Door by Sally Law

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You give sound advice in these three lines; and the illustration matches the theme, as many opportunities require effort to seize.

It has long been known that, for the vast majority of those who can think before their time on Earth runs out, the dominant regret is not about what they did which was was wrong or brought trouble, but about what they could have said or done but did not (no matter the reason).

Accordingly, never postpone or stifle an impulse to smile, to listen, to say a kind or complimentary word, to help someone in need, to express your heartfelt love, or to share a simple hug.

No one understands this concept better than you do.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 15-Jan-2020

Letters from Heaven's Gateway 3 by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Yes, it is never too late to say "I love you" to someone you adore, unless you have waited so long that one of you is gone. Here, Gus almost missed his last chance to tell Alice, but wised up just in time. Writing the letter to her enabled him to focus his thoughts and make vital decisions before his time ran out.

Alice did not need to see the letter because the red roses told her all she needed to know, once Randy, the delivery man, revealed the sender's name.

The contrast between Gus and Alice's ex-husband is readily apparent from their brief dialog, given what we already know about him from Gus's letter.

Late in the day, Gus's friend Leonard arrives to explain Gus's uncustomary absence from the diner and need to see her quickly at the hospital.

At the hospital, Leonard caringly leaves Alice alone with Gus. Just enough conversation follows to verify their mutual feelings. After a lengthy kiss both have waited ages for, Gus asks to dance. Anne Murray's "Could I Have This Dance" is perfect accompaniment for the few moments in moonlight they have before Gus tires.

Gus then tells Alice that he is leaving her everything he owns -- house, truck, and life savings -- enough to change her and her daughter's life for the better. When Alice protests his gift as excessive, he has the answer that will mist any reader's eye not already damp: "There's no such thing as too much love."

"The pale moon faded as Gus and Alice slept side by side on his last night on earth."

Not even the most professional of experienced romance writers could have said it any better.

Superb, aptly illustrated, and beautifully accompanied by the video.
Comment Written by WalkerMan on 13-Jan-2020


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