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May Means Spring by Marjon van Bruggen

Excellent
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A nice poem in the pastoral romantic style capturing this feeling of spring; the new life exploding into the world, the blooming flowers, the sense of optimism and hope. estory
Comment Written by estory on 03-Jun-2020

Dark Clouds Gathering by Ulla

Excellent
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I think your piece captured the feel of these early moments of tension and uncertainty when a tornado hits. The growing, building ominous sense of being swept up in a force much bigger than yourself. I had a tornado come within three miles of my house when I first moved here in 2017. Tornados in the US use the Fujimora scale, f1-f5. The cat scale is for hurricanes. estory
Comment Written by estory on 03-Jun-2020

There's A Storm A'Coming

Excellent
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I think you speak for a lot of worried people right now as the country descends into chaos. Yes, the storm is here. And yes, we need to turn back to God. Only Jesus will solve these unsolvable problems we are bringing on ourselves. Come Lord Jesus! estory
Comment Written by estory on 02-Jun-2020
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Double Blind~Chapter Nine by Sally Law
Chapter 9 of the book Double Blind

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I think you're doing a great job with the fragmented, multi faceted view point of this story. We get the kidnappers view, the cops and the father, the family, and Clementine. Through it all the story unfolds with great attention to detail in your descriptions of scene and the emotional dialogue. we see the whole thing coming together from different points scattered on a map. Above average for this site. estory
Comment Written by estory on 02-Jun-2020

The Lady Wore A Hat by amada

Excellent
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This had an abstract, surreal feel to it. In the vague outline of the graceful woman, you have this figure of grace and poise, a role model, but she never quite coalesces into a solid, substantial figure. I think that speaks to the distance between role models and the people who look up to them, the difficulty in completely grasping who that person really is, through the awestruck eyes. There's a depth to this image that you have created. estory
Comment Written by estory on 02-Jun-2020

St. Louis Chapter 28 part 1 by barbara.wilkey
Chapter 68 of the book St Louis

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The dialogue is stellar here, we get all these roiling emotions in all the different characters and their unique perspectives coming out through it. We see the romantic interests and rivalries between some of the officers, we see the concern for Mackenzie and the determination to get her back. The suspense seems to build through this chapter and we seem to be heading for a bang up chapter to come. estory
Comment Written by estory on 02-Jun-2020

Cakes and Riots by lightink

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I thought it was an emotional portrayal of what many of us are trying to rationalize about this situation. The anger, the prayer for peace, for understanding, for us to find common ground, to change one person at a time...it was all in there. You had some intense scenes, of going up in the policeman's face and confronting his racism, of Floyd walking away, confused, suspicious...it was a complicated poem for a complicated situation and your honest, bare bones emotion brought this poem up from the page and into our souls. estory
Comment Written by estory on 01-Jun-2020

A Writer's Life by easyeverett

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This was a symphony of cacophony. I thought you did a great job with the fractured and fragmented framework, the inner workings of the music "Just talking the same old talk not thinking the talk is somehow a new talk or just some fucked up talk" was superb and that was just one example. Your sense of rhythm and alliteration and the use of repetition was marvelous. The images as always were vivid and colorful and flashed and popped like neon advertisements. The tone was caustic. the result, pure genius. Worthy of publication. And that is rare on Fanstory. estory
Comment Written by estory on 01-Jun-2020

Icarus by Marjon van Bruggen

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Another superb job. I really liked this contemporary take on the Icarus story. You created that wonderful sense of striving "His arms are broken from clutching clouds" we have that impossible dream kind of feel. "He tried to find the limits, the center of space, and under some unknown fiery eye, his wings cracked and melted." we get that moment of hubris, of man reaching out for the gods and the gods setting him back in his place. "He will never give his name to the abyss, his tomb." loved that ending. We have that sense of rising above the forgotten and the unattainable, the failure. In striving, we move passed failure. The effort is the most important thing. wonderful poem. estory
Comment Written by estory on 01-Jun-2020

Jewels in a Jasper Cup by Marjon van Bruggen

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another great poem of possibilities and imagination told in a nice conversational style with glittering, vivid images. I liked those 'Jewels in a jasper cup.' nice alliteration there. "The immense galaxy is ours" was great too in laying out those wide open possibilities of imagination. "Who knows? Maybe we can even give the gift of peace." I like how you kept the possibilities there but left it up in the air. estory
Comment Written by estory on 01-Jun-2020


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