Contact Us | En español
   
         Join today or login

scaron
The Old Woodened Cross by Ricky1024

Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The message of this is powerful and strikes a cord. But the excessive exclamation points and the use of footnotes detract from it. A little cleanup and I would have awarded this an additional star.
Comment Written by scaron on 29-Jan-2012
Failure by Leftywriter

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Interesting. It is poetry-like. I don't think the length negatively impacts it at all. It has a clear message and it's delivered well, albeit briefly. A comma after "Underneath" wouldn't be a bad addition for flow.
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
The Witch by Ioakasti

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You present your message well...I think the end of the poem would be stronger if you kept with the four line stanzas though instead of mixing it up. I had a few notes, listed below.

Capitalize "as", first line, second stanza

Fourth line, second stanza - add space after comma

Fourth line, third stanza - everone should be everyone
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
Parenting Myself by PatriciaLiteHickman

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This has a lot of anguish and pain interwoven. It is clearly a very personal piece that really expresses your hurt and healing. The flow could be improved a bit though. Reading aloud always helps me.

NOTE: question mark after "each day" looks like it's probably errant.
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
A Happy Event by Wendyanne

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Beautiful poem. It has a simple and light air that really expresses your joy and glee. Congratuations to your family on this wonderful new addition. She sounds like a beautiful blessing!
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
The Count by IndianaIrish

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

LOL. I had all these notes about how "since I turned six" and other things were concerning and disturbing and how "sugar high" came out of nowhere. Very cute and very nice lead up. I enjoyed your poem alot.

NOTE:
Fang would make more sense as "Fangs" since there are two, not one.
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
A Huntress (for my sister) by Ioakasti

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a very sweet, light, and interesting poem. It holds the attention well. Good job. Lengthening it ever so slightly would benefit it, though.

Note:
To travel the world nothing with me (need comma after world).

Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
Something Happened Today by fedoozle

Needs Improvement
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have a lot of important examples listed here but it lacks any sort of flow or meter to give it power and umph. It seems like a lot of random thoughts only loosely connected. Needs some work to draw it all in together.

Also, please is mispelled as "plese" in the last paragraph
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
Morpheus and Reynard by Giuliana

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This has a nice flow and an engaging style. Really enjoyed it, except for the few hiccups mentioned below. Hope this helps:

"Listening for the fox's prehistoric bark" - totally comes out of nowhere...breaks flow. What fox?

Not sure I see the Morpheus/Reynard connection here...(might want to explain in author's notes)

Good luck!


Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
The Crystal Heart by rosefirewalker

Average
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a sweet poem that with a little work could be really great. The premise and the thoughts are great, you just need to get the writing to match the sentiment

I am not fond of the uneven meter... and the third paragraph has a sudden shift from first to third-person - that's awkward.
Comment Written by scaron on 10-Nov-2006
Page: 1 Next Page



  Contact Us © 2014 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement