Requiem for Rudy
When the Price You Pay is Your Happiness
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Flyaway1

Love Takes Flight by R56Ma3

Excellent
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Very nice write-
and actually deep at the same.
It is by chance, if we find a love that we can commit to. The poem implies that we will follow that true love, no matter where it goes. I know I have and gave up a lot to do so. True love gives you the wings to fly and at the same time it holds you tight and makes you feel at home.
Very well expressed.
Question mark after first line (?) Or dash - to the north, to the south
You feel light -- you will feel light. ( keep the verb consisten)
.....because, when you have love, ( use comma to make a complete sentence)
I will often use the ... if starting the sentence with because. It implies a pause to Emphasize the final thought.

You could write this without punctuation, but if you use punctuation- it needs to be used throughout the piece.

I liked this a lot.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 27-Feb-2021

Life is Truly a Dream by equestrik

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is beyond good. It completely captures what it is like for children and abuse. A very vivid imagination, a safe and beautiful place to go to every night and just disappear is a valid way of how children survive horrific trauma. What the mind can not accept can be washed away with a dream world.
My dream world still exists. As a child it was a place, where I was the princess. I had beautiful clothes and beautiful long hair. Everyone wanted to be my friend. As I grew into a teenager, I was the popular girl in school, who had the great guy. In my real world, I was completely shut down. I lost a lot of memories.
So you really have to question yourself, why be present in a place that is killing you?

I lived your story. As an adult, I have had to let go of the disappearing act and stay engaged. I met a man, who seemed to walk out of my head into my life. We have been together 24 years. The magical thinking has not served me. Nobody can live up to your expectation of being rescued by a knight on a white horse.

I have real love with my husband. I had to let go of my dreams and see the man who was real. There are many types of love. Our love is based on reality. At times, I want to crawl back in my head in drift away. But I rather make real connections and not be afraid to live in this world.

The switch control is always there, but I do not want the dream anymore. I am strong enough to live this life with everything it brings.

This piece catches the essence of how children cope. This is very real. There are kids that get so scarred- they can not come back.

Thanking for saying what I can not always find the words to say,



Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 27-Feb-2021
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Make Your Choice by Jennifer L Newcomb

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well said.
Crisp lines to be able to follow the story and the point you wanted to make. It is a long story but well told in this format.
We absolutely have choice. I choose as much of God as I.

Each day is a new day to do better to make better choices

Hard to do that without God.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 27-Feb-2021

In Pursuit of Joy, Repent by Ideasaregems-Dawn

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow. You are an exceptionally talented poet.
The picture was a good visual. But also each stanza, almost every word describes mans state of affairs, when they can not see their own folly. A sunken ship with no treasure.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 27-Feb-2021

Dating years 1951-1953 by kleck140
Chapter 10 of the book If You Only Knew

Excellent
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I admire that you can write such a long memoir. I think my mother went to school in the 1940s. She is 83 now.
She also spoke about just having fun. Roller skating, ice skating to music. She dated in groups. Very rarely was there alcohol or any type of drugs. She also played every sport. It was a lot simpler life.

There were no errors on your writing. I have not tried to write such a long piece, so I do not know if my critique is valid.

I do read a lot. I think you wrote out a nice frame work to hold a story. I can see you and your friends people dancing by the railroad.

My biggest suggestion is that you flesh out that framework and develop your the characters.
There are so many stories you could tell from your years of dating that would make a terrific short stories.

I could not keep track of all the names of your crowd. I would use some generic word to bundle all your friends in. Like the "gang"
They are part of your story but more background characters.

The readers will understand you had a group of friends. You would want to single out characters that impacted your life and why.
.
You could also think about some type of hook to draw the reader into the story.

What did it feel like to be 16. Did you have a secret crush.

Anyways, just keep writing. It takes a lot of practice.

My own writing improved with flash fiction. It got me to tell a story with only so many words.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 30-Jun-2020

Loneliness Exists by Poetic Friend

Excellent
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So many people lonely people. Once you get in that spot, it is hard to reach out. Too much work
And who would care.

I have been a loner myself, sometimes it is contentment and other times the silence is way too loud.

It is one of the reasons I started writing.

Very well written, thought out and says something important.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 21-Jun-2020

Safe Place To Fall by ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent
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I truly understand what you are saying. Trying to find a place to fit in, hoping maybe one person actually sees you. Where is that safe place?

Well written, no grammar issues- the message is an important one.

Someone did come along in my life. I was lucky to find a safe place to fall.

Still tend to isolate, but the work is never done right?

Thank you for sharing some of your journey. A lot of writers in this circle will relate to this.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 21-Jun-2020

Divine Chorus by Susan X Smith

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Loved it.
Picture and everything works together.
Reads smoothly
Tells a story and one with a dry sense of humor.
Must of been a progressive church to allow a naked woman in. Lol
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 21-Jun-2020

The Ultimate Eclair by Pam (respa)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I do not know if I am qualified to do a good review. I am still learning the forms of how poetry is written. I am glad in your notes that you explain the format. It helps me to learn new formats for writing. I wish I was as knowledgeable.

I enjoyed reading it anyway. The picture and colors used were good visuals.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 21-Jun-2020

A Kiss, Not A Shake, to Awake by Baloney Bill

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really liked that read. Beautiful and lovely is a love that is lasting. I am 60 and still feel that way. I am a romantic at heart, but this type of love is real.

I always felt like my husband walked out my imagination into my life.
Comment Written by Flyaway1 on 19-Jun-2020


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