Chapter 25 of the book The French Letter
Building nicely, and enjoyable! I've been enjoying your chapter transitions; always a bit of tension and often humor.
I'm sure you have accolades a plenty, so let me move to a few comments that might be of editing interest to you. You are certainly accomplished, so please take these as questions in the form of comments:
*As we are already in the head (and behind the eyes) of the narrator, I don't see a reason to use italics to distinguish his comments to himself. They are clearly rhetorical (not addressed to me!). It seems appropriate to use them to identify texts, as you have also done.
*I found the vocabulary/syntax, etc, of this chapter to be very consistent with that of the last. A couple of notes on that score: When Helen and Charles reunite, she says "A terrible thing has happened." This struck me as being still a bit stiff (some Bronte, perhaps). I think she would have used a more agitated expression. Similarly, would she have said, in her rush to explain, that the doctor had just given Jeanne a "cursory examination" (which he had, of course), or would she have used a more shorthand expression?
*How were Helen and Charles seated that allowed her to give him a playful nudge? I had them in separate chairs.
*Might the grammar be: If they were hot on our trail, they 'would have been' here already?
*Might the sentence read: ...Helen suggested that she 'keep' the lonely vigil...?
That's it. You know I'm a fan, so take my opinions as a light mist, not a real rain!
Comment Written by etreefrog on 09-Nov-2018