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Vanessa Newman

To Be a Scribe by Susan Newell

Excellent
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Well done! The verb quaver is usually used in reference to speaking, so I am imagining that this was an intentional usage to imply that the hands are to the scribe as voice is to the speaker or writer. This line, "That should be reserved to men of wisdom." I like reserved for men and (women) of wisdom. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Bloom Boom Times by Lance S. Loria

Excellent
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That is for sure! Well done. This type of poem is not easy to construct. Good job on getting the internal and external rhyming to line up and make sense. The picture works too! Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Ghosts of The B-Gap by humpwhistle

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Bravo! I am intrigued and inspired to write more myself. So many lines well-written like: "The men--their hair kept studiously unkempt, their beards carefully cultivated stubble--wore dark, tailored suits and dainty shoes that gained no purchase in a junkyard." I noticed, "Optimistic rumor" misspelled early on in the chapter. And his first inward thought, "At least I don't have leprosy," threw me off a bit, but the flow, plot, and dialogue all so well-written.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Two Travelers by Mrs. KT

Excellent
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I can relate to being inspired by a connection with an animal being and his or her spirit. I have two bunnies that I meet on my walks and look forward to seeing when I do. It was a lovely and simply beautiful poem. I have to admit that the last line left me wondering if you were heading somewhere known only to him or known only to you or did you leave that ambiguous on purpose?
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

The Power of D by tfawcus

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Math and poetry do go together and the sum of the parts are more than the whole or 'sumthing" like that. I sensed you were a teacher. Well done and I love your choice of geometrical words like "certainty's aslant" or your more physics related ones - "quantum of potential." Clever! I am new to fanStory so good to meet you!
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

An Eclipse of Moths by Cindy Decker 2

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You pulled off a rhyming poem that did not seem forced or childish. This is a wonderful adoring poem about moths who often do not get noticed with all the butterflies around. She is powerful and you captured that with words and picture. Good job! I am new to FanStory, so good to meet you.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Sea Swells by DonandVicki

Excellent
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Love it! The picture reminds me of our coastal home in Oregon. Those gulls are ready for the shoreline feast! Poetry is harder than writing novels and essays for me, so well done! Congratulations on your Amazon book.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

2000. Part 1: Rituals by RetroStarfish
Chapter 7 of the book Puddle of Life

Excellent
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This was great! The dialogue was funny and believable. I wanted to read more and poor taste is often a taste I taste. Characters are fun and likable. I will be reading more! The last line was a bit of an abrupt ending for me though.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Confession: I got it all wrong by Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent
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Also, wearing the mask is a constant reminder to be socially distant and keeps us aware of how we affect others. I teach a class about HIV and Infectious Diseases. I wear the mask and yes, droplets do contain water.
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021

Parking-Lot Picnic: Three Takes by Elizabeth Emerald

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Well-done! The puns are marvelous. The topic matter is important. It is utterly, ri-dick-ulous! I so wanted the last line to read: "Thus such a prick was held without bail."
Comment Written by Vanessa Newman on 31-Jan-2021


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