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Chapter 25 of the book Shattered Maria

Good
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Consider:
"...Calvin Acker, returned his steady gaze with calm expectation.
'I have to get control of myself.' OMIT:"... he thought.
"...cabinet it looked AS though their leader was..
AVOID garbage words like 'the' 'was' 'and' whenever possible. EX:
"The example will be made! TRY: "An example must be made!
OR:
"As first minister Acker(I presume) came to attention, he snapped a salute.
Unfinished sentence, for ex:
"Certainly poor form for the future Emperor of the galaxy.

Piece though well thought pout needs revision as noted.

Regards:
Comment Written 20-Dec-2013 by STEPHEN A CARTER


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