13 spots left
"...Calvin Acker, returned his steady gaze with calm expectation.
'I have to get control of myself.' OMIT:"... he thought.
"...cabinet it looked AS though their leader was..
AVOID garbage words like 'the' 'was' 'and' whenever possible. EX:
"The example will be made! TRY: "An example must be made!
"As first minister Acker(I presume) came to attention, he snapped a salute.
Unfinished sentence, for ex:
"Certainly poor form for the future Emperor of the galaxy.
Piece though well thought pout needs revision as noted.