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Mike Stevens
http://www.fanstory.com/mike_stevens
Location: Here
Gender: Male
Born: Too many moons ago
Interests: comedy writing, writing of any sort; baseball
Member: Premier Author
Joined: June 2013
INFORMATION
A legend in my own mind!
FAVORITE QUOTE
'Mind if I join you?" "Why, am I coming apart?"
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Mike Stevens: Door-To-Door Zombie

?Good evening, Pal, err...Sir. Would you mind just giving me a moment of your time?
Please don?t do that. It?s my foot you?re slamming in the door. Thank you. Now where was I....?
Now, see, there?s people out there that want to take away our rights, give more power to the criminals and crazies out there. They want to take away our right to bear arms....and I?m not talking about stopping you from wearing a vest here. They want to make it so you, and I cannot own a gun.
Now, we as citizens cannot just lay aro....stand around and let this happen. Gee, why is it so hard to remember my lies...err, lines.
Oh, yeah, there are kids out there on the range that can blast off more tin cans from the wall than even their parents. If these people get their way, our kids will never have a chance to go huntin?, to feel safe, like they can protect themselves.
Ow! That?s my foot you?re hitting there, Mister. Now you wouldn?t be doin? that if I had a gun, now, would ya!
For the sake of the citizens of this country, please sign this petition. I?ll do it for you if you?ve already had too many beers. Don?t let them get away with controlling our guns!?

?If you'd shut your oral hole long enough for me to tell you that you gun freaks piss me off? If you don't leave immediately, it'll be more than your foot I slam in the door. Believe it or not, I, too, support the right to bear arms, I've got one attached to my left shoulder, one attached to my right shoulder, and they'll both be attached to your bloody face by a string of blood. You're barking up the wrong I. Q. Mine is higher than single digits. Unlike you, my television has more than one channel, more than Fox News, I watch a bunch of news channels and make up my own mind what's true. Now, I'd leave if I were you. I just might become a supporter of the NRA, so I can legally defend my porch using an anti-tank missile to blow your zombie ass off of it. Good day!? Slam!
June 30, 2018 at 2:11PM
    Mike Stevens: "This is the worst piece of garbage I've ever had the misfortune to read!" Just want to get these negative comments out of the way!
    June 30, 2018 at 2:21PM
    Jannypan (Jan) : You should post this in the 'Politics' thread. Each time a lengthy post of ?? is posted, it moves the others down--those with winners' announcements never stay long enough for them to be seen--sometimes even by winners.
    June 30, 2018 at 2:28PM
    Mike Stevens: You're right, I tried to delete it, as I had second thoughts about posting here, but...!
    June 30, 2018 at 3:30PM
    Jannypan (Jan) : Yes, once the initial pot is responded to, there is no way to delete it. However, it is on your profile page & you can delete it from there. You can save you post, then delete & copy your saved post onto the politics thread. Sorry if I came across rude==not my intention. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
    June 30, 2018 at 9:51PM
    Beri Bee : Good day! Zombie ass! I'd be terrified if that guy showed up at my house! Well done!
    May 8, 2019 at 10:29AM

Mike Stevens: Cannot believe how anyone views Trump as a 'normal' President, he's not a 'normal' person
June 25, 2018 at 4:17PM
    mrsmajor: trump's isn't normal, and I think many people know it...he's cruel, selfish and filled with his own sense of importance...those members of congress that prefer to adore him come from the same mindset...
    June 25, 2018 at 6:37PM
    Dean Kuch: HULK SMASH!

    Heh-heh-heh...
    ~Dean
    June 28, 2018 at 9:53PM

Mike Stevens: I forget to check this very often, I see I've made a few people angry with my anti-Trump comments--one person even let me know I suck--thank you, I would have never known and continued to post my misguided crap--I--err--oh, that's right, I don't give a rip what they think!
June 24, 2018 at 7:59PM
    mrsmajor: You're not alone Mike S....but Its not stopping me from speaking my mind...not to hurt anyone, but trump's not someone I could ever respect...and I will let that be known whenever he does something that I find repulsive...nice seeinh you...
    June 24, 2018 at 8:49PM
    Sarkems: You don't 'suck', except possibly on a boiled sweet. That's a very childish comment from somebody, and anyway, people are supposed to be reviewing the writing. If they don't agree with the politics of the piece, and can't critique it fairly as a piece of writing, then they shouldn't be commenting. Nor wrote something about that just recently in the reviewing thread. Whoever said this should take a look.
    June 25, 2018 at 2:58AM
    His Grayness: When you have pure rotten scumbag democrats to call to shame on every breath they take, why waste your time on Trump who has already done more good for America than any Crat in modern times! Oh! maybe you do agree with sanctuary cities, killing ICE and opening up America to every lowlife criminal south of the border so they can come in and join you in voting for more Crat Corruption???
    September 18, 2018 at 1:28PM

Mike Stevens: I've come to believe you can't have a rational debate with an irrational person
February 23, 2018 at 3:16PM

Mike Stevens: Doesn't the media ever get embarrassed showing Trump crap all fricking day? Surely, the reporters must cringe, 'Another one? You're s*****g me?'
January 20, 2018 at 12:51PM
    Mike Stevens: 'Reports' should be 'reporters'
    January 20, 2018 at 12:53PM
    Dean Kuch: In a word, "Nope."
    January 20, 2018 at 4:05PM
    Mike Stevens: That's whAt I'm thinking, Dean!
    January 20, 2018 at 4:45PM
    Mike Stevens: Boy I'm bat-spelling 1000 today-'hide the keyboard, kids, Daddy's been sniffing glue again!'
    January 20, 2018 at 4:48PM
    Jannypan (Jan) : They don't tire of it anymore like the multitude of Trump-bashing posts that appear all over this forum everyday.
    January 20, 2018 at 5:26PM
    damommy: Amen to that, Jan.
    January 20, 2018 at 6:57PM
    Dean Kuch: With all due respect, ladies, anyone who disrespects another nation by calling it a sh!thole country deserves to be bashed.
    Just sayin'...
    January 22, 2018 at 4:06AM

Mike Stevens: Our president may be mentally unstable, but FOOTBALL is here, baby!--what must other countries think of our priorities?
August 20, 2017 at 8:40PM
    DR DIP: do you mean grid iron mike?
    In australia football is soccer
    rubgy league is like rugby union
    and we don't officially play grid iron
    August 20, 2017 at 11:18PM

Mike Stevens: Is it just me?
July 28, 2015 at 1:48PM
    Adri7enne: Why? Did you win the lottery?
    July 28, 2015 at 2:03PM
    William Walz: Reminds me of the guy who was told he had a split personality and was beside himself.
    July 28, 2015 at 3:58PM
    Mike Stevens:
    Adri7enne: ha, good guess, I think I matched two numbers once. The clerk at the store where I bought the ticket didn't buy my 1/3 of the prize money should be mine argument--hey, made sense to me!
    July 28, 2015 at 8:05PM
    Mike Stevens: Wa-wa, William, drum roll, can I get a drum roll here, please?
    July 28, 2015 at 8:07PM
    pome lover: Mr. Stevens, your short bio says you like comedy writing. I was hoping to find some of it but have found only your dissatisfaction with the President.
    Your latest piece popped up on the "Up Next" to be reviewed and after I read it I went to your portfolio looking for humor.
    I am not going to get into politics, but we, of a different persuasion spent 8 years being heartsick, but still kept our sense of humor, or tried to.
    I hope yours will return. I'd like to read it.
    Pome lover
    January 29, 2017 at 1:59PM

Mike Stevens:
pipersfancy: watch who you're calling a perv--oh yeah, guilty as charged!
January 14, 2015 at 10:16AM
    Mike Stevens:
    michaelcahill: nothing but the best for these amazing, talented owls!
    January 14, 2015 at 10:19AM
    Mike Stevens: Pome Lover--ouch, you really let me have it, it's a good thing I don't give a shit what you say, or care that I hurt your feelings. Otherwise, I'd be feeling pretty bad right now--I don't check this very often, so I realize this is a delayed 'I'm glad you're pissed'
    June 24, 2018 at 7:40PM

Mike Stevens:
michaelcahill: keep taking your medication, it's bound to kick in soon!
January 12, 2015 at 9:30AM
    michaelcahill: I'll double up, that should impress Rosie!!
    January 12, 2015 at 12:59PM
    Mike Stevens: Do that, but remember; NO operating heavy machinery!
    January 12, 2015 at 1:02PM
    DIS-illusioned: Not unless of course you're stoned or drunk out of your noggin. If so, do take that new tractor for a spin down Main Street, waving to the good folk as you whiz by.
    January 12, 2015 at 1:43PM
    Mike Stevens: DIS-illusioned: a spinning joy ride?
    January 12, 2015 at 4:56PM

Mike Stevens: Today's word is 'senslessreasoning'!
January 11, 2015 at 10:22AM

Mike Stevens: Today's word is 'malthoplove'!
January 10, 2015 at 1:09PM
    pipersfancy: Pour me a cold one, would 'ya? I love a tall glass of malt and hops...
    January 10, 2015 at 1:28PM
    Mike Stevens: When I think of all the money I wasted on TRYING to feel slightly dizzy, and now I get it for free; all the time? I love beer, but I no longer partake; so you'll have to enjoy for the both of us!
    January 10, 2015 at 2:54PM
    michaelcahill: This is someone who derives deep romantic attachments to those who play hopscotch while drinking a milkshake.
    January 10, 2015 at 2:56PM
    pipersfancy: I can't actually recall the last time I had a beer... playing a intense game of hopscotch while drinking a shake... now that's a whole other story!
    January 10, 2015 at 3:09PM
    Kingsland: Definition of Malthoplove
    A milk shake that makes one desire having sex after having drank it...
    Or the best sexual drinks ever devised. Made with chocolate ice cream, with a cherry on top...
    January 10, 2015 at 3:14PM
    Mike Stevens:
    michaelcahill: that sounds a lot like a 'sex-shake!'
    January 10, 2015 at 4:26PM
    Mike Stevens: Kingsland: yours is the reply I gave to Michael Cahill, and I'll give you the reply I meant for him; nothing says romance like Twister for your feet!
    January 10, 2015 at 4:30PM

Mike Stevens: DIS-illusioned: ah, no comment!
January 10, 2015 at 11:01AM
    Mike Stevens: michaelcahill: ha, ha, woo; and I apologize!
    January 10, 2015 at 11:04AM

Mike Stevens: In honor of Michael C and everything Scottish, today's word is'kiltogram'!
January 9, 2015 at 9:39AM
    DIS-illusioned: The standard scientific measure of the closet sissy-ness of all men, especially the Herculean kind--'kiltogram'.
    Last I was weighed, I was over 200 kiltograms. What does that say about me? (Don't you dare answer that!)
    January 9, 2015 at 12:19PM
    michaelcahill: That's what they call it in Scotland when a stiff breeze blows one's kilt up in front of one's grandmother.
    January 9, 2015 at 5:40PM
    michaelcahill: Michael Patrick O'Cahill
    I'm a worthless potato eating drunken Irishman. You should apologize to Scotsmen everywhere!!
    January 9, 2015 at 5:45PM
    pipersfancy: Ya, Mike! What gives? I'm the Scottish one... what's with giving any credit to Mikey over there?!? PIPERSFANCY... HELLO???? (and, this after I posted a nice little poem with a picture proving I actually play the pipes...) Now... excuse me while I go address the hagis, play a lament, and drink scotch. Slaint!
    January 9, 2015 at 6:16PM
    pipersfancy: (By the way... you're a wee bit early on the Scottish reference. Robert Burns night is not until the 25th of the month!)
    January 9, 2015 at 6:18PM
    Mike Stevens:
    pipersfancy: I responded to your 'Robert Burns Day isn't until...' with something about 'David Frost Day', which makes absolutely no fricking sense. In my slumbering state, I guess I was thinking, 'Robert Frost' . Woo, NOW does it make sense? "Yeah, a little, but it still is lame!"
    January 10, 2015 at 6:39PM

Mike Stevens: Today's word is 'higherlow'!
January 8, 2015 at 9:45AM
    DIS-illusioned: The misspelled note the ad agency's manager sent to his assistant after Rob Lowe's audition for the Direct TV commercial--'higherlow' (hire Lowe).
    (If I'm wrong then something is severely wrong with this world.)
    January 8, 2015 at 12:27PM
    Mike Stevens: Ha, Dis, nice play on words; and whether you're right or wrong, there's still something wrong with this world!
    January 8, 2015 at 12:56PM
    William Walz: I know this one! Higherlow is a condition I often experience when I snort cocaine minutes after taking my anti-anxiety meds! Yes! What a headrush!
    January 8, 2015 at 2:50PM
    William Walz: Don't be mad. I'm 77, and when I was a teenager my parents took me on a tour of Spahn Ranch--and left me there! Charlie rocks!
    January 8, 2015 at 2:53PM
    Mike Stevens:
    William Walz: drugs are bad; unkay?
    January 8, 2015 at 3:32PM
    michaelcahill: That's a dirty Scottish term, "Hig her low!" I don't know what "higging" is, but you know them Scotts, it's something naughty for sure.
    January 8, 2015 at 5:17PM
    Mike Stevens: Michael C; I'm sure you're right; those scots; minds in the gutter!
    January 8, 2015 at 7:29PM

Mike Stevens: Today's word is 'elusivedrunkdonkeydance'!
January 7, 2015 at 9:35AM
    ann marie mazz: oh darn
    and here I thought it was going to be
    "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"
    and backwards too
    January 7, 2015 at 11:09AM
    DIS-illusioned: What an over-worked ass does in hiding in the woods on its day off one a year, with fermented liquified oats, to cope with the drudgery of its life--'elusivedrunkdonkeydance'.
    January 7, 2015 at 11:56AM
    Mike Stevens: Ann Marie; The Elusive Donkey Dance is my name for when someone gets very drunk and tries not to fall down. I remember exactly when I came up with the name; when my two friends and I were drinking some beer, and one of them said he was spinning and staggered around!
    January 7, 2015 at 12:39PM
    ann marie mazz: hi again mike

    my comment was my foolish and bad attempt at poking fun for you are both a riot with this that you post each day and you are an educator as well thus continue to be you and do what you do and with all this said I still say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious (ha ha)
    January 7, 2015 at 12:54PM
    michaelcahill: A drunk slathered in wesson oil with a key to a new Corvette Stingray tied to his Viagra enhanced wonker being chased by the Over Sixty Car Lover's Club.
    January 7, 2015 at 2:15PM
    Mike Stevens:
    ann marie mazz: thank you for saying I'm an educator; maybe on how NOT to teach people anything useful, a sort of anti-educator, if you will! Lol!
    January 7, 2015 at 3:25PM
    Mike Stevens:
    DIS-illusioned: I've heard of 'drunk off my ass', but an actual drunk ass? Ha!
    January 7, 2015 at 3:28PM
    Mike Stevens:
    michaelcahill: ha!
    January 7, 2015 at 3:32PM
    Mike Stevens: Ann Marie; I hope you know I was just kidding about your 'educator' comment; truly, thank you!
    January 7, 2015 at 5:58PM
    ann marie mazz: hi and yes of course but now however you have a problem because I have to charge you 25 member dollars for utilizing the word "truly" for I say that over and over (ha ha)
    January 7, 2015 at 7:27PM
    Mike Stevens:
    ann marie mazz; so sorry to hone in on your special word; TRULY; eh, ha, ha; wait, too obvious?
    January 7, 2015 at 8:09PM

 
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ACCOMPLISHMENTS
False Profit reached "Recognized" status.
June 27 at 2:08AM
What Must the World Be Thinking? reached "All Time Best" status.
December 14 at 5:25AM
What Must the World Be Thinking? reached "Recognized" status.
December 14 at 2:08AM



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